protokute: Low Social Battery

MyNameIsPencil 06.25.23	The trick is to befriend fellow introverts who have similar social batteries
Colton 06.25.23	just do your best impression of what an extroverted person would be like
Minortimbo12 06.25.23	Dont listen to colton's comment. Just be yourself, especially if they are fine with it
MoM 06.25.23	It’s okay to feel this way! You don’t need to be frustrated. Why don’t you want to go out? And, yeah, definitely ignore Colton’s advice there
AsleepInTheBack 06.25.23	I feel exactly the same way You do you. Pretend to be extroverted where life demands it - I have to actually talk to people for my job and the practice of having to socialise has made it easier, or ig expanded my social battery - but you also gotta respect yourself and give yourself the time to recharge when you need it. Nothing to be ashamed of tho.
PotsyTater 06.25.23	Do you feel lonely or like you are missing out? If no then there is no problem. It’s ok to be an introvert. I’m a mildly introverted person and also an only child. I’ve gotten to know the limitations of my social battery very well and to understand my needs (which is often a lot of alone time). Good friends will understand. Love yourself m8. There is nothing wrong with you.
protokute 06.25.23	possibly because i'm very much stuck in my own ways, and in my own head, which can be annoying too, and being stressed out about money, about work, not feeling like i deserve to do things, not having the right company, wanting to do the things that i like to do as i said on the description. and yes, i'm going through psychiatric help, and trying some antidepressants, mostly because of daily fatigue and poor sleep, and i'm looking for a therapist to work out on some personal problems
MoM 06.25.23	How are things going at work? Also, i can be your therapist and I’m here on sput! No charge.
protokute 06.25.23	I don't actually feel lonely though, even though i miss my best friend a lot, which is living in a different city from me. what i do feel though is that i'm missing out on some positive and productive life experiences because of the way i am
pizzamachine 06.25.23	Society tells you you need friends. You’re not cool if you don’t have friends or a large following, etc. I have a wife, kids, and hang out with my wife’s friends when at a get-together with us. That’s enough socializing for me. Otherwise I don’t hang out with people, and it’s totally chill and fine. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it
Sowing 06.25.23	I had a similar experience when I was younger and living on my own. You shouldn't apologize to yourself or anyone else for needing or wanting time to yourself. As long as you're happy, then pursue what makes you happy. Simply be honest about it and if they're good friends they won't blame you or ostracize you for it.
PotsyTater 06.25.23	I feel that. I get fomo sometimes. I learned to strike a balance and make commitments on things that I knew I would end up having fun with even tho I knew last minute I’d want to back out. Experiences are important. Sometimes you gotta make yourself do things. Just try to be more selective?
MyNameIsPencil 06.25.23	My first comment does hold a little truth in that it's nice to have people who are understanding about being less social, but one doesn't need to be introverted to understand either. Really anyone who's a fair friend shouldn't take it personally cause at the end of the day, the amount of social interaction you're comfortable with is valid no matter how much or little it really is.
AsleepInTheBack 06.25.23	Getting over the fomo is the thing I still struggle with. I end up going out with work people who I don’t really like just because everyone is going out and it sounds fun and exciting and then I get home with my gf and music and films and shit and my social battery is long dead and I always come to the conclusion that I would have been better off staying at home lol. Not always the case - if the people are cool then it’s usually a net positive, but I find that’s on the rarer side.
Dedes 06.25.23	Oh brother I get this lmao. I'd say i'm naturally a bit more comfortable striking a balance between being intro/extroverted but even that is a challenge when some of your closest friends are extremely extroverted and would always be happier maintaining social activities. It's a bit difficult to explain to those the concept of a "social battery" when they might simply not have one. IMO you should just find a healthy split. Make sure you're not constantly skipping out on exciting events but also ensure you're not sucking your own life force out. What that perfect balance is you'll eventually come to understand.
bellovddd 06.26.23	I am like this. But I have two small children now so being alone is time that I rarely get. its probably for the best because when I'm alone my thoughts get the better of me and I can get really down. In saying that I hate being around people for the most part except for a few close mates. I feel like people are obliged to ask me questions and not genuine in why they ask.
Mort. 06.26.23	just a heads up in case youre unaware, having poor social skills, finding socialising more fatiguing than other people, having poor sleep and being generally fatigued in day to day life are all indicators you could be on the autism spectrum.
MoM 06.26.23	^ true! But get a real diagnosis! A lot of people seem to be adopting the label of “neurodivergent” for things that are just idiosyncrasies. Like the spectrum is a fashion statement or a cloak or shield
Mort. 06.26.23	yeah im still waiting for my diagnosis, nhs is super backed up
MoM 06.26.23	Hopefully, you hear back soon! How are you feeling about all of it?
Mort. 06.26.23	hear back soon? nope, 3 year wait. covid really did a number on our wait times but we have a thing called right to choose where you can get the nhs to fund your diagnosis through another provider, but the diagnostic process tends to be way less comprehensive. However, the wait time for these alternative providers tends to be weeks or months. so im currently trying to get that sorted out. would just like to know honestly i feel hopeful i get the diagnosis, because then a lot of things about my life would make sense. getting a negative back would be very confusing
MoM 06.26.23	Ah, it can be like that in the States as well. Won’t hear back for a looong time sometimes. If you get a negative, a good therapist should be able to help you sort things out, if you’re willing to go that route. A good therapist, i would recommend either way, personally, for everyone. We all have things that we don’t know how to work through inherently, and that’s okay. With help, we can navigate these things.
protokute 06.26.23	After seeing a couple of close people to me that are just lazy, immature and irresponsible and now comfortable under the "neurodivergent" cloak, the word kinda puts me of. but yeah, maybe I could be on the spectrum.
Azazzel 06.26.23	not going to generalize just my personal experience but, I have a lot more control over how those kind of interactions go and feel than I used to realize. Other people would've likely labeled me an introvert and I did like indoor things and feel "drained" by socializing but I came to realize it felt like an energetic "drain" because I was performing normality, or the codeswitched public facing persona of self. As I got older I grew more comfortable synthesizing those into a consistent authenticity and with that comes confidence that returns and replenishes 10 fold when socializing. you also just get better at the little connective bits of conversation or develop some field of competency or interests you can naturally draw from for discussion, that's just experience. When your interactions are more natural and positive that obv changes how you internalize the present and prospective futures - a mindset I might be just a smidge tizzy thus privileged but I find this approach as master of my reality to be far more empowering than the despondent learned helpnesses self-pathologizing. I get it though, modernity is crazy on the psyche, just ask Kafka, and the youth have no real role models for how to deal with that stuff in a mature way that isn't just hedonist cowl of twitter irony. 20th century authors and philosophy helped me but avg zillenial? There's what Bojack Horseman, Ted Lasso or tik tok bpd girls, that's what they've got to choose from on being a hot mess and adulting - no wonder so many seek safety in Queerdom Maybe I never stopped performing and just learned to imitate an extrovert