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Staff
Reviews 188
Soundoffs 120
News Articles 61
Band Edits + Tags 168
Album Edits 195
Album Ratings 2301
Objectivity 76%
Last Active 06-23-23 12:04 pm
Joined 03-15-16
Review Comments 5,457
| User's 5 Choices Reviews REVIEWED
reviews of johnny's reviews of users 5 choices | | 1 |  | After Dinner
Paradise of Replica
"cimnele
https://www.sputnikmusic.com/uservote.php?memberid=932704
whispery wraithy avantcuddles. shivers. thunder!! i do love. it all makes sense but there will never be a straight answer
VERDICT: 5/5. Very distinct energy + cohesive selection = wouldn't mistake these for any other user (for GUD reason)"
Very short review. Doesn't touch on the t h r e e magma 5s. Bonus points for its lack of capitalised 'i's.
VERDICT: 2/5. Not cool or funny enough. | | 2 |  | The Wrens
The Meadowlands
"Pheromone
https://www.sputnikmusic.com/uservote.php?memberid=1035674
Tempting as it is to autodisregard this for featuring Brand New, Phero has pulled off the potentially unique feat of channelling that energy into his own distinctive brand. "Distinctive?", you say? Uh, you know that feeling everyone who has ever lived has when they finish school and work their first shitty job and wonder if they've already had it as good as it gets? Distinctive. Phero makes it is own because he elects to represent it with 7 albums as opposed to the conventional 1.
VERDICT: 4/5. Seven picks, all decisive choices. Strong action from our weakest indie prick"
'autodisregard' is not a word. Review does start a sentence with 'uh' which is always excellent. Write out your sevens and ones tho cuz that's correct grammar.
VERDICT: 3.5/5. Pretty nice review. | | 3 |  | Radiohead
Kid A
"Pangea
https://www.sputnikmusic.com/uservote.php?memberid=1052758
Scientists have debated the role of experimental music in society for many moons, and I'm just shocked that it took them this long to arrive at the conclusion that it only has any value if you can cut it with a butter knife and leave it on your bedside table just in case climate anxiety or the state of your larder keeps you awake a few minutes past your bedtime and you need something Authentic to knock you out. Works best with sugar.
VERDICT: 2.5/5. Guess his favourite band (it's Radio head)
DROP: M83, Yndi Halda, Perfume Genius
BUMP: A.A.L. or Alpe Lusia, Ghosteen, Tomorrow, In a Year, Victorialand"
Good to see the drop/bump inclusion. Very succinct yet detailed review. Radiohead is one word.
VERDICT: 4/5. Drop/bump does a lot of heavy lifting. | | 4 |  | Fugazi
Repeater
"GhandhiLion
https://www.scaruffi.com/music/best100.html
The observations and synaptic contortions that led to these opinions are too idiosyncratic to reward sustained analysis, one day I too will listen to music with my ears.
RATING: 0/5. Ghandhicore peaks in the 3-3.5 range. Read a book."
What a useless review. The first couple lines show your bias and hate for the band. Why waste your time and the readers time by posting this. Why not leave this album to be reviewed by someone that enjoys this type of music or has enjoyed albums this band has released in the past? | | 5 |  | Myss Keta
Una vita in capslock
"Lordepots
https://www.sputnikmusic.com/uservote.php?memberid=1042215
From the maker of Sputnik: Hunger Games, Colton-Scented Handcream Pt. 7 and How To Pull A Gracious Hiatus, we have: an oversized grab bag of inflated ratings, dead memes, familiar classics ...and a dizzying number obscure gems that no-one will ever find because this thing is impenetrable as the guy's shoutbox. There are goods to be found, but getting there is like playing Minesweeper insofar as it's a chore disguised as a game and absolutely no-one bothers anymore
VERDICT: n/a. This is an unintelligible flex and not a list"
Although the review is decent, the lack of verdict makes it instantly very bad. Minesweeper is fun.
VERDICT: 1.5/5. Try harder. | | 6 |  | Agalloch
The Mantle
"dedex
https://www.sputnikmusic.com/uservote.php?memberid=711403
Yeah, much as I've enjoyed debating what constitutes formulaic sputcore on numerous occasions, it turns out we were better off not knowing
VERDICT: 1.5/5 this site peaked in 2012 etcetc"
Incredibly brave to 1.5/5 a Frenchish. All you can do now is pray dedex doesn't decide it's time for a revolution.
VERDICT: 5/5 stay strong | | 7 |  | A Wilhelm Scream
Career Suicide
"Pikazilla
https://www.sputnikmusic.com/uservote.php?memberid=1151055
yeah if you think these are good, just wait until you've seen his 1s BITCH
VERDICT: 4/5. Loses points for being a bit of a sprawl but hey, can't deny Pika has better taste than you"
Good review but 'bitch' is a mean word.
VERDICT: 4/5 idk this stopped being mildly funny like 3 entries ago tbf i'll stop now | |
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