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Last Active 04-16-21 1:27 pm
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03.29.21 Phree-Jazz (week 7)03.25.21 Opeth Ranked
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Opeth Ranked

It is important to firstly clarify that I have never listened to an Opeth album. I don’t even think I have ever heard an Opeth song. However, I have been operating around this here music scene for a long enough time now to warrant having my say. Thus, here is the first ever unbiased Opeth rating – this meaning it is not swayed by mere sonic experience, the music need not be a factor. You know the drill, list is ranked.
13Opeth
In Cauda Venenum


Where their earlier albums pioneered the manly Progressive Metal sound, if RYM is anything to go by, this album cleanly fits alone within the Progressive Rock genre. This, atop of the pathetic Latin title (which translates in maximum-yawn to “Poison in the tail”), proves this album to be the work of a band we once knew and loved grinding into cruise control and selling the fuck out. The albums closing track is called “All Things Will Pass”, the irony of such a sentiment is apparently lost on the prog veterans.
12Opeth
Pale Communion


This is apparently user normaloctagon’s least favourite Opeth album and that dude knows a thing or two about great conversation, which is something I assume a lot of die-hard Opeth fans struggle with. Furthermore, Norma’s Sput name is in lower-case letters, despite joining the site in 2020 (how he found the site, we will never know), this is a sign of his unabashed objectivity and thus his opinion shall be revered over these parts. Also (and not last haha), “Eternal Rains Will Come” sounds like the name of some Kerrang endorsed Bullet for My Valentine Shit.
11Opeth
Deliverance


Coming off the two-album high of the prior two-album high, Opeth were always destined to fail unless they succeeded. Given I rarely hear about this one in the same breath as the prior mentioned two-album high, I’m going to assume this was a massive failure and move on.
10Opeth
Sorceress


Look at that bird lol what is it standing on that is dope. RYM user ‘obdurate’ dropped a 1.5 star review for this album where he opens with “as I said in my review for Pale Communion: I am not an Opeth fan” – why voice your opinion then bruh?
9Opeth
Morningrise


Naming an album after a boner is a particularly contentious choice, particularly within the already overt-masculine realm of progressive metal. It’s just a bit much. This is evidenced by the gross two-song punch of “Nectar” into “Black Rose”, an unnecessary spunk of sexual aggression. Good cover art though.
8Opeth
Damnation


Here, the Peth’s first full-dip into progressive rock was good, which was a relief because they proved once and for all that their first full-dip into progressive rock would be good. In his review for this album, revered RYM reviewer ‘Vito-James’ wrote “Removed from all of the weirdness that a visitation to this little hut generally came along with, some things couldn't possibly be altered; one of those very things was the sleeping arrangement. My friend and I have never been bashful about sharing the same bed or futon, though the homoerotic suggestion came up time and time again from his family” and I couldn’t agree more.
7Opeth
My Arms, Your Hearse


Fuck me, here we go. Opeth start going from strength to strength in this era. Most significantly here, just look at that name! “My Arms, Your Hearse”. Say it slow, “My Arms, Your Hearse”, damn. Write it out, “My Arms, Your Hearse”, gorgeous. Text that ex who refuses to meet you for coffee, “My Arms, Your Hearse”, poignant.

I have a trial soon.
6Opeth
Orchid


It’s dope how they named this after another artist I have never listened to before.
5Opeth
Heritage


I could write essays on how underrated this one is.
4Opeth
Watershed


Given the album title and its natural implication of crying, seeing Opeth tackling hegemonic and toxic masculinity works firstly as a powerful response to their prior gender-normative, boner-core ‘Morningrise’. In a genre as pro-incel and gender roles as prog, this is a rather brave concept. Porcelain Heart is a dope name, rock on emotional proggers.
3Opeth
Ghost Reveries


Like the bastard third child, ghost reveries never got the love it deserved. Martín Méndez on the bass is a dream, and Jens Bogren on the mixing engineer is one of the best individual performances the scene saw in a long time.
2Opeth
Blackwater Park


I haven’t felt the need to speak to my family in years since this one was released. Opeth here transcended the limit of musical experience into a mere CD-rom burned package to inject into every pore of your pathetic body, washing away all prior notion of existence, place and time. It’s only 67 minutes long, but I found that if you queue the album a few times every hour on your Itunes or Spotify you can make it last for as long as you want it to.
1Opeth
Still Life


As Zak once pondered, “Does this riff and what have you?”. Given the universal praise this album receives by a ton of people I sometimes see online. Yes it does, it riffs for days.
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