Lord(e)Po)))ts
this is the best album that i\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'ve (n)ever heard in my entire life.
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Reviews 1
Approval 81%

Soundoffs 304
News Articles 7
Band Edits + Tags 1,217
Album Edits 2,213

Album Ratings 9216
Objectivity 79%

Last Active 01-24-21 1:39 am
Joined 01-29-14

Forum Posts 41
Review Comments 65,188

 Lists
01.19.21 Johnny[well]: Japanese People Ranked01.17.21 Pots 2020 Part 2: 50-1
01.01.21 Pots 2020 Part 1: 101-51 12.22.20 THE REAL SPUTNIK THIRST GAMES 2020: THE
11.24.20 Part II: Definitive Mood Lounge Sexy V11.18.20 Part I: Definitive Mood Lounge Sexy Vi
10.02.20 Pots 2020 Q407.06.20 Pots 2020 Q3
05.02.20 Pots 2020 Q204.26.20 Pots 2020 Q1
12.20.19 Pots 2019

THE REAL SPUTNIK THIRST GAMES 2020: THE BEGINENING

As the official curator of the original sputnik battle royale list that I left as a permanent cliff-hanger, I've taken it upon myself to tell you the REAL story of what went down in the 2020 sputnik hunger-thirst games. This is objective and based off of complicated irrefutable maths and statistics provided by Macman.
1Ashnikko
Sass Pancakes


District 1

Johnnyofthewell
The Dex Bros (They count as one unit)
2Ween
Chocolate and Cheese


District 2

Arsmoriendi
Trifolium
3Taylor Swift
Folklore


District 3

Jom-dad
Sowing-mom
4MYSS KETA
UNA VITA IN CAPSLOCK


District 420

Po)))tniss Everlord(e)
Sixdegrees
5Hampton The Hampster
Hampsterdance the Album


District 5

Little Cole Teep and his sheep
Nolerthebowler
6Pharmakon
Bestial Burden


District 69

Jots
Sach
7Two People
Second Body


District 7

Dewinged
Robertsona
8Phoebe Bridgers
Copycat Killer


District 8

Neekafat
Rowan
9P.O.D.
Payable on Death


District 9

MiguelAngel
Reefajones
10Kanye West
Jesus Is King


District 10

JefferyBigglestein
Sinternet
11Burial
Untrue


District 11

Deviant.
ballstothewall
12budgie
You're All Living in Cuckooland


District 12

Gyro
Budgie
13HellHammer
Satanic Rites


District 13

Kill
Sonictheplumber
14Lil Peep
Goth Angel Sinner


District 14

Fort
ian b
15Opeth
My Arms, Your Hearse


District 15

MO
Jacquibum
16Ariana Grande
Dangerous Woman


District 16

asdfg123 or whatever the fuck his username is
Get Low
17Bring Me the Horizon
This Is What the Edge of Your Seat Was Made For


District 17

Ghostb1rd
Milliondead
18Elton John
Made in England


District 18

Zak
Doofdoof
19Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


THE BEGINENING:

As the tributes stand on their podiums, the horn sounds.
20Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Johnnyofthewell grabs a stack of hentai manga from the cornucopia
21Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


The Dex bros run away from the cornucopia (holding hands)
22Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Ars investigates the cornucopia
23Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Trif compliments ars on his investigative work
24Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Jom and Sowing quickly draft an e-mail to MX asking for assistance and then run away from the cornucopia
25Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Po)))tniss Everlord(e) grabs a sick umbrella from the cornucopia
26Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Sixdegrees flips the cornucopia and runs away
27Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Little Cole Teep immediately loses his sheep and runs off to find them
28Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Nolertheboler grabs a fedora from the scattered cornucopia
29Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Jots climbs into the Leopard-2 Battle Tank near the cornucopia
30Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Sach grabs a bottle of GHB from the scattered cornucopia
31Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Dewinged grabs a copy of Second Body by Two People from the scattered cornucopia
32Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Robertsona dons a pure white suit of armour near the cornucopia
33Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Neekafat grabs a camcorder from the scattered cornucopia
34Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Rowan tries to go to sleep near the cornucopia. Rowan is sleepy because Rowan works night shifts.
35Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


MiguelAngel asks Rowan if he has a moment to talk about Jesus Christ near the cornucopia
36Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Reefa FUCKING SPRINTS away from the cornucopia
37Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


JefferyBigglestein attacks Sinternet near the cornucopia, superficially wounding him
38Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Sinternet takes jeffery's assault on the chin and runs away from the cornucopia
39Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Deviant. nervously looks around the cornucopia for a porta-potty
40Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


ballstothewall grabs a pair of tights from the scattered cornucopia and naruto runs into the forest
41Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Gyro apologizes to everyone at the cornucopia
42Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Budgie slinks off into the forest to also go look for Colton's sheep
43Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Kill calls everyone at the cornucopia f*****s
44Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Get Low runs away from the cornucopia in search of Jom and Sowing to report this^
45Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Sonic headbangs away from the cornucopia
46Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Fort grabs a selection of deli meats and ski's away from the scattered cornucopia
47Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


ian b grabs some benzos and a shopping cart from the scattered cornucopia
48Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


MO grabs some camo cargo pants from the scattered cornucopia and instantly dissolves into the foliage
49Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Jacquibum grabs a can of spray paint, a bag of bugles, and rides a pony away from the cornucopia
50Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Milliondead interrupts MiguelAngel and proceeds to start an argument about Christ near the cornucopia while Rowan tries to nap
51Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Ghostb1rd grabs a Not A Flamethrower from the scattered cornucopia
52Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


asdfgh123 or whatever the fuck his username is sits down near the cornucopia and eavesdrops on Miguel and Millions argument
53Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Zak starts bitching about the cornucopia
54Bloodbath
Grand Morbid Funeral


Doof tries to seduce Rowan while he tries to nap near the cornucopia. Rowan resists and Doof yells "fuck this" and runs away from the cornucopia
55Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


DAY ONE BEGINS

Johnnyofthewell finds a nice tree to feverishly masturbate to his hentai mags to. This may be his last chance...

Neek- who has decided to film a groundbreaking faux found footage documentary about the Thirst Games- secretly films from the bushes
56Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


The Dex Bros receive an airdrop from an anonymous sponsor containing matching black peacoats, gloves, sun glasses, jeans, and suppressed Beretta 92FS pistols
57Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Ars finds a clue near the cornucopia: footprints! He deduces that someone has been here. Multiple someone's even.

Trif pats ars on the back
58Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Jom and Sowing receive a zero dollar check from a mysterious sponsor signed "Good Luck - MX"
59Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Po)))tniss Everlord(e) convinces Jots to let him board his Leopard-2 Battle Tank in exchange for listening to and offering feedback on no less than 5000 of his Exit Bags demos
60Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Sixdegrees hunts for tributes
61Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Little Cole Teep finds his sheep in a dewy clearing in the meadow. Their corpses are scattered violently across the grass and it appears someone - or something - has ripped their hearts from their chests and left the rest of the carcass whole. Colton cries himself to sleep.
62Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Nolertheboler receives a weapons drop containing a 16 pound bowling ball with a skull and crossbones image on it. "M'lday", he says as he addresses the bowling ball with a tip of his fedora.
63Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Sach finds a large intricate drinking fountain. He pours the bottle of GHB in and hides in the bushes.
64Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Dewinged hunts for tributes to introduce to Two People
65Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Robertsona hears word of Doofs problematic behaviour and pursues him
66Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


MiguelAngel and Million continue to argue about jesus while Rowan tries to sleep. asdfg123 offers his two cents. No one asked.

Ghostb1rd lights them all up with his Not A Flamethrower, expending all of its fuel.
67Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Reefa discovers an intricate water fountain. He drinks deeply...
68Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Jeffery pursues Sinternet through the woods. Sinternet is running out of breath.
69Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Deviant. shits himself to death
70Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


MO stalks ballstothewall as he practices his Jutsu (術) in the woods
71Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Gyro begs Kill to kill him. "Neck", Kill responds as he backs into the forest leaving gyro alone with his troubled thoughts
72Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


A blood soaked, lamb heart drunk budgie stumbles into a cave and falls into a deep slumber
73Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Get Low finds Sowing and Jom and reports kill. "Who's the goodest boy?" they ask as they offer him a milkbone.
74Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Sonic uses his amazon prime next day delivery to order an entire arsenal of weapons and gear. Expected delivery date: sometime tomorrow.
75Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Fort builds a fort before nightfall and safely stashes his deli meats up his own asshole before going to sleep
76Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Ian B eats a handful of benzos and falls asleep in his shopping cart
77Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Jacquibium spray paints his pony pink and ties a bugle to its head. It is now a unicorn. He is elated.
78Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Zak shakes his fist at the clouds and hollers into the ether about falafel joints
79Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Doof discovers Ian B passed out in a shopping cart
80Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Milliondeads finger twitches...
81Bloodbath
Resurrection Through Carnage


Day One Casualties:

MiguelAngel (died for our sins)
Rowan (permanent night shift)
asdfg123 (should have minded his own business)
Deviant. (death by dystentry)
Million(notso)dead (?)
...
82Bloodbath
Nightmares Made Flesh


DAY TWO BEGINS

Johnny receives an air drop from an anonymous sponsor with a note that says "ジョニーさん、これらの物資を使って敵を破壊してください". It contains a Jūnihitoe kimono and Honjō Masamune samurai sword. Neek films johnny from the bushes as he washes his kimono in a peaceful brooke. "oh yeah, thats the stuff" he whispers to himself.
83Bloodbath
Nightmares Made Flesh


The Dex Bros get biblical on sixdegrees. He narrowly escapes with his life.
84Bloodbath
Nightmares Made Flesh


Colton awakes from his cry-sleep. He has a sad wank to a picture of his dear sister that he keeps in a heart shaped locket around his neck to start the day, as is tradition. Colton builds a campfire and spends the day crafting an acoustic guitar to deter enemies from encroaching on his encampment. As the day draws to a close Colton strums out the first chords of a new song titled "Mexican.GuitarTrap.Loop_4728". The local fauna immediately evacuate.
85Bloodbath
Nightmares Made Flesh


Jacquibum is locked in a heated battle with Nolertheboler. Jac charges noler with his unicorn, intending to impale him through the chest with its horn. Its horn is made out of a bugle. The bugle crumbles upon impact. Jac falls off his precious uni-steed and watches in horror as Noler manically caves its skull in with his bowling ball. Jac flees while Noler turns his pony's skull into a paste.
86Bloodbath
Nightmares Made Flesh


Reefa begins to feel woozy. Sach emerges from the bushes, unbuckling his pants. "Usually I'd hire someone else to do this..." he says. Reefa begins to understand what is unfolding. His fight or flight mechanism suddenly kicks in alpha-overdrive. Reefa flexes the GHB out of his pours with a super saiyan scream. Sach stops abruptly, shocked. It's over in the blink of an eye. Reefa benches sach's corpse as the sun dips below the horizon.
87Bloodbath
Nightmares Made Flesh


Dewinged stumbles upon a wounded Sixdegrees. He forces Six to listen to Two People with him. Six cannot escape.
88Bloodbath
Nightmares Made Flesh


Doof stumbles upon Ian B, passed out in a shopping cart full of benzos. "Excellent" he exclaims, rubbing his grubby sex pest hands together. He crawls into the cart with Ian and begins making his move. Ian is helpless to stop it. As Ian once again fades from consciousness Robertsona bursts into the clearing and impales doof with his shining white sword. Robertsona, our saviour, carries a defenceless Ian B away from the clearing.
89Bloodbath
Nightmares Made Flesh


As ghostb1rd pilfers the corpses of his victims, Milliondead rises from the dead. His argument with Miguel was unfinished and now he seeks vengeance upon ghost. As the pair engage in a fist fight to the death ghostb1rd proclaims "the earth is round!". Million pauses, hands at ghosts neck, "actually..." he says "it's an oblate spheroid". Just before Million can crush ghosts trachea, the full moon peaks above the canopy. "You're too late" ghost says, and he begins to transform...
90Bloodbath
Nightmares Made Flesh


Jeffery finally catches sinternet and attacks. Jeffery pins sinternet to the ground. "Do it! Do it then you coward!" Sinternet screams. Jeffery raises a fist. Sint grimaces and closes his eyes.... and then he feels the soft embrace of jeffery's lips as they gently caress his own...
91Bloodbath
Nightmares Made Flesh


MO attacks ballstothewall in a one-sided battle. How can you fight what you cannot see? MO batters balls relentlessly throughout the day while balls has intermittent flashbacks about his tragic origin story. Just when all hope is lost, balls has an idea... as MO approaches from behind for another blow he steps on a twig revealing his location. Balls sharply turns around and spits blood up all over MO's camo cargo pants. Finally, he can see his enemy... the tables may turn just yet
92Bloodbath
Nightmares Made Flesh


Gyro battles his inner demons...
93Bloodbath
Nightmares Made Flesh


Sonic's amazon order hasn't arrived yet. He checks it's delivery status. "By end of day today" it says. "Fuck dammit!" he cries. suddenly from within the woods he hears a voice...

"Neck..." it whispers
94Bloodbath
Nightmares Made Flesh


Fort waddles into a cave looking for supplies
95Bloodbath
Nightmares Made Flesh


Sowing and Jom send Get Low on a scouting mission with strict instructions to report anything he discovers back to them immediately.
96Bloodbath
Nightmares Made Flesh


Budgie is awakened from his lamb-heart comatose by the smell of the deli-meats stashed inside forts asshole. He eats fort alive from the asshole up.
97Bloodbath
Nightmares Made Flesh


Zak continues to express his grievances with falafel joints. absolutely no one is listening.
98Bloodbath
Nightmares Made Flesh


Jots and Pots argue about priorities. Pots insists that they must immediately find and destroy Colton. Jots argues that they have much bigger fish to fry. Pots eventually concedes and saves his vendetta for another day.
99Bloodbath
Nightmares Made Flesh


Ars finds another clue... what is this strange discoloured patch of grass? He steps on it and the ground beneath him buckles. He plunges into a deep cavern and is knocked unconscious upon impact.

"Great discovery, Ars!" Trif shouts into the hole. There is no response. Realizing the gravity of the situation Trif seeks resources to rescue Ars from deep below.
100Bloodbath
Nightmares Made Flesh


Day Two Casualties:

Jac's unicorn (M'lady'd)
Sach (Beta'd)
Doof (Weinstein'd)
Fort (Turducken'd)
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