TheCynic
User

Soundoffs 1
Album Ratings 396
Objectivity 69%

Last Active 11-30-17 8:51 pm
Joined 11-29-17

Review Comments 120

 Lists
01.25.18 celebrities who will be busted for rape12.15.17 R.I.P. Net Neutrality
12.10.17 Search for the worst 1/512.01.17 Rec me LITERALLY anything.
11.30.17 Metallica ranked (with descriptions)11.29.17 Give me Bandcamp projects!

Search for the worst 1/5

Shitty music for a shitty person. Give me the worst shit you've ever heard. Only one at a fucking time
1Pantera
Metal Magic

Me

One of the cringiest gayest things ever. How can a manly state like Texas and one of the heaviest hands of all time in the future put out something this cringe??? Highlights come from Diamond Darrell's good guitar solos but all else is absolute trash.
1/5
2MetaL BrotherS
Thunders - Demo

Soe

Someone recc'd this thing on another list I did and yeah it is pretty trash bro, but like a bunch of kids made this. There are only 3 songs and none of them have drums and only one of them has any singing. That riff on the last song is obviously that one song by Metallica. It is bad but it is what I'd come to expect from kids. 1.5/5
3Corey Feldman
Angelic 2 The Core

0guy0
This is such a surreal album...like Mr Bungle created a spoof of dubstep pop or something. Corey Feldman's voice sounds like he's trying to imitate Michael Jackson as Chewbacca. Every song is split with awful "skit" interludes where Feldman acts as some sort of superhero or some shit and it gets really cringey. It's also weird bc Feldman says he started The Angels as a way for young women to follow their dreams, but it's very clear they're nothing but sex appeal and it gets extremely creepy. The music itself sounds like LMFAO or Ke$ha B-sides with occasional funkiness, but are all entirely forgettable (except for that song with the worst harmonica playing ever and that one song with Fred Durst). Sounds like this album cost alot to make...rip 1.5/5
4Doomthrone
Skeleton Veiled In Flesh

Ovrot
I was maintaining until the vocals came in. They are fucking hilarious and are much higher in the mix than the music. Singer guy has never done these kind of black metal vocals before and sounds like he's dying. The lyrics are also really bad to make things even worse. This is pretty awful but I'm sure there's worse in story for me.
2/5
5Mariah Carey
Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel

Asdf277
Hahahaha what man I kinda like this album. It's fun and has plenty of decent songs. I would agree that it's sorta Carey's sellout album and there is a lot of filler on here but Obsessed was my fuckin jam dude. Also Mariah is fuckin hot as shit man.
3/5
6In Flames
Battles

BookoftheFallen
I'm only a little familiar with In Flames but I've listened to their older stuff and it is pretty good. Even if I had never heard IF, I would know this is trash. It sounds like any other boring generic hard rock/metalcore band closer to fuckin Breaking Benjamin than melodic death metal. Probly one of the worst sellout albums ever, and I'm not even familiar with the band!
1.5/5
7Worm Ouroboros
Come the Thaw

teamaster
will return to this later but so far i'm digging it...
8Chief Keef
Thot Breaker

SmallLuigiBigHeart
YEET. 3/5 heard this shit in high school alot
9Summoning
Upon The Viking Stallion

Ovrot
KVLT TO THE EXTREME!!! This sounds like it could potentially be a good black metal release but it's just too KVLT. Also the vocals are fucking horrendous even for BM. I do like the drumming tho but the rest is pretty bad.
2.5/5
10Etienne Sin
Sinna: Volume 1

bgillesp
oh god....oh god oh god oh god wtf is this...holy shit this is too much to fucking handle. It's shitty metalcore mixed with trap rap DJ'ing I GUESS but the vocals sound so fucking gay and the lyrics are so bad I thought it was a fucking spoof. And each song just keeps getting worse and fucking worse.
hard 1/5. Congrats bg, you're winning.
11Myrimin
Zvier Viartajecca

MrSu
Wow, and I thought Etienne Sin was bad, but at least that is music. This is the WORST thing I've ever heard in my entire life. I cant even fucking finish it. To say this is "just noise" is a complete understatement and compliment.
0000000000/5 fuck you MrSu.
12Sonic Syndicate
Confessions

swipenet
Ugh, more gay shit. This sounds alot like the In Flames album I listened too, but to be fair I probably like this one more. (Un)fortunately, I can't find their entire album but I've heard 8 songs of the album and call that fair enough. The funniest thing is that all of the comments for their vids are disabled.
2/5
13John Lennon
Unfinished Music No1: Two Virgins

ArsMoriendi
So I was sitting for the first 15 minutes of this album through nothing but whistling, strange moaning, screaming, and an odd low drone, just waiting for the first song to start. But then I realized I was halfway thru the album, and that this WAS the entire fucking album. It's actually kinda spooky, and I would play this at a Halloween haunted house or something. But yeah it is just Yoko Ono whining like she's getting fucked while some low drone hums in the background, and it all seems like it was done in one single take.
1/5
14Snide Remarks
Anything But Casual

MayhemWithMercyCatch those hands? You better wash those hands!
What, you thought this shit was a joke?
Snide remarks 2017 bitch,
gonna lay down more fire on this track than a molotov fuckin' cocktail
Get hyped, emo and tatted, get ready for this shit to get fucked up
100/5
15Sahara
Texarkana

TheSonomaDude
A metal project with a bunch of elementary schoolers and a 5-year-old vocalist? Thankfully this isn't another Metal Brothers, as this is a LEGIT album with 13 songs, 44 minutes of content, and all of it with drums and vocals. Also, this lowkey fuckin ruled. Like it gets a bit rough in the middle with that awful 6-minute guitar solo, but there are LEGIT fuckin riffs that made me start headbanging. There are at least 5-6 songs that I honestly enjoyed alot. The musicanships and sound quality are awful (I mean, they're fucking 2nd graders) but the songwriting and heart rule. For what it is, this is prob the best kid metal album ever made and I don't regret listening to it at all.
4/5
16Terrorizer
Hordes of Zombies

Fear
I was not familiar with this genre or band, hadn't even heard of them before this list and had no idea what to expect. I had it playing in the background and thought it wasn't that bad at all, but then some of the later songs started getting insanely good, as if they saved the best riffs for last. Then it turns out HoZ ended and my playlist automatically started the next album in line, World Downfall, without my knowledge and I was 5 songs into their debut. Compared to their debut, this album is boring and generic as fuck. The riffs arent good, the vocals are trash, production sucks, and the writing is just boring. I may have discovered a new favorite metal album in World Downfall tho.
2.5/5
17Jacob Sartorius
Last Text

50iL
Another album I couldn't find in full but I would never EVER want to finish what I started here. Shitty generic bro pop and rap done by a very lucky rich white kid with little to no talent besides looking hot. Every single song I head was cringeworthy as fuck and hearing him going all GITGIT YEEEET SLIDE IN THEM DM'S made me want to drink bleach. Bingo in particular made me want to commit suicide harder than any other song. On the plus side, this fuccboi is from my homestate. Also on the plus side you can tell this kid will grow up to be a coke addict.
1.5/5
18Primitive Man
Caustic

Astral Abortis
This was actually a chore to listen to. It's extremely long and is just nothing but deathcore breakdowns that stretch on for 77 minutes. It does sound very chaotic and crazy but this basically a very nasty and disgusting sounding deathcore album. Couldn't tell a single song apart from eachother. Couldn't wait for it to end. 2.5/5
19Unleashing My Demons
Tran​(ce​)​scen(e​)dance

Sevengill
"Don't worry, it gets worse" indeed it fucking did. This is another shitty post hardcore metalcore electronica album, except whereas the other ones had actual musicians and shit, this sounds like it was recorded on Bandcamp. It is some of the cringiest shit I've ever heard in my entire fucking life. I dont even have words to explain this. Was this album a joke? With the other gaycore albums I can see they were clearly being serious, but this sounds like a spoof. One of the worst things I've ever heard. I still don't know how I managed to sit through this entire thing.
0/5
20Tales Of Gaia
Hypernova

Sevengill
"The singer sounds like a fucking minion" I wish I hadn't read that because that's all I could think about. This album really isn't that bad, except for how cheesy it is, and because of how looooooong it is. The album itself is okay and has some good guitar riffs and fun moments, and Dave The Minion can actually hit some really high notes. Some parts are also incredibly cheesy, like too cheesy to bare. But for what it is it's pretty good i guess but I don't know anything about power metal.
3/5
21The Shaggs
Philosophy of the World

gagnonov
Hahahahahahahahahaha.....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahaa oh my god...not a single second of this was in key, in tune, or even in tempo. Even fucking Sahara sounded better than this. It's awful...but it's a great kind of awful. I don't even know how to explain it.
3.5/5
22Naked Luigi
¡Nake!

AdolfChrist
An entire rap album dedicated to Luigi, mostly in sexual ways. Why the fuck does this exist.
1/5
23Thallahu Akbar
DJihad EP

Asdf277
I liked the part where they yelled "ALLAHU AKBAR!!!" Oh wait, no I didn't. This was terrible and annoying. The same sample of some guy shouting "ALLAHU AKBAR!" playing over boring djenty riffs over and over and over and over with nothing interesting at all. I mean I guess this is a nice attempt at a LE TROLL XD but cmon this is just stupid.
1/5
24Mike Love
Looking Back With Love

TheLongShot
This sounds like music written for Phineas And Ferb. Seriously, listen to Calendar Girl and close your eyes and tell me you DONT see Phineas And Ferb singing and dancing along to it. Every song is so cheesy and innocent and fucking generic as shit. Sad to think that this came from a guy who co-wrote Pet Sounds, one of the best albums of all time. Oh and the lyrics are some of the WORST LYRICS I've ever heard in my entire life. Every song on this album could become a great meme.
1.5/5
25We Also Let Blood
Please Do Not Chase the Clouds

Papa Universe
Two hours of one giant wall of fucking noise. I think, I got through 10 minutes of it and there's no fucking way I'm sitting through all of it. I'm committed, but not THAT committed. 10 minutes is enough.
Go fuck yourself/5
26X Ambassadors
VHS

Toondude10
Fuck this hipster "stomp-clap" psuedo-folk bullshit. I've heard some of these songs in Toyota commercials. Gorgeous isn't that bad of a song tho. The rest of it is painfully radio hipster bullshit that is pretty insufferable to sit through. Still did it. I grew to fucking hate this album because I just wanted it to end.
1.5/5
27Bad Departure
Bad Departure

TheSonomaDude
If it were possible to get ear cancer, I'm convinced I have it now. I don't think I've ever cringed this hard in my entire life. Holy fuck...so this is another kid band, featuring middle schoolers covering pop punk artists like Green Day, Blink-182, My Chemical Romance, and a few others. Except none of the kids even know how to play, sing, keep time, rhythm, or even tune their fucking instruments. It's basically The Shaggs but even worse because of its covers of shitty pop punk songs. Honestly one of the worst things I've ever heard in my entire life.
0/5
28Hello Kitty Suicide Club
^_^

gognonov
So I'm practically sure this a troll, but it's pretty fucking funny. It's at least mercifully short, which is alot more than I can say about the others. It's basically the music from Doom with prepubescent screaming layered all over it. Some of the MIDI riffs in the 2nd half are actually pretty good...
2/5 because I had a good time. Maybe I'm just going insane from this list.
29Anal Cunt
I Like It When You Die

Allergist
This really isn’t that bad…like, this has actual riffs and several catchy songs. The vocals are awful but I suppose that’s the joke. The lyrics, if you can understand them, are fucking amazing in an awful way. Like if some of these riffs and melodies were used in a better, more serious project, they’d be crazy heavy and crazy good. You’re A Cop, Kyle Has A Mustache, and Brascombe Richmond are legit good songs. Compared to everything else on this list this is a great album. I may actually revisit this unironically one day.
3.5/5
30The Velvet Underground
Squeeze

Spec
31Jaden Smith
Syre

MyShadow
32Johnny Rebel
For Segregationists Only

MrSu
33Hotel Books
Run Wild, Young Beauty

AdolfChrist
34Waking the Cadaver
Perverse Recollections of a Necromangler

SoccerRiot
35will.i.am
#Willpower

Azertherion
36I See Stars
Treehouse

gagnonov
37Sid Vicious
Sid Sings

Ziguvan
38Bull Of Heaven
210: Like a Wall in Which an Insect Live

dfevil85
39King 810
La Petite Mort or a Conversation With God

Snide
40BryanStars
Follow Your Dreams
41Missing Andy
Generation Silenced

DoofusWainwright
42Sneaks
It's a Myth

Papa Universe
43Kid Rock
Rock N Roll Jesus

evilford
44Imaginary Hockey League
We'll Get Better One Day. I Promise.

Papa Universe
45Pole Younger
Be Where In The Moment Of Grace

Is this all improv? This was pretty fuckin bad, and what few moments of percussion there are sound off tempo. There are occasional nice moments where it's kinda nice, but then it becomes shit. I would not classify this as post rock and certainly not emo. It's just bad jam rock in bad quality that makes it bad lo fi. This has gotta be a stupid joke.
1/5
46ChugChugWob
Redemption

DinosaurJones
47Queensryche
Dedicated to Chaos

KJSwantko
48Starset
Vessels

Evokaphile
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