FullOfSounds
09.17.16 | Not mine:
"There is fine line between numerator and denominator. Only a fraction of people will get the joke." |
WashboardSuds
09.17.16 | spuntnik music
see what I did there? |
FullOfSounds
09.17.16 | Ohhhh |
Avagantamos
09.17.16 | I was taking a walk at the local shipyard under the docks, and one collapsed on top of me. I'm under pier pressure. |
heck
09.17.16 | if Fenriz is a postal worker, does that make it blackmail? |
ConcubinaryCode
09.17.16 | After the horse bachelor spent several nights drinking with loose companions he decided he'd rather be in a stable relationship. |
CaimanJesus
09.17.16 | The rabbi really messed up that circumcision. It was a total rip-off
|
ArtBox
09.17.16 | Some Vikings got me caught up in a Ponzi scheme. Those damn Scamdinavians. |
MistaCrave
09.17.16 | Sometimes, when struck with a sudden case of diarrhea, it can be difficult to asscertain the culprit |
FullOfSounds
09.17.16 | Man I love these.
Verm that's not even a pun lol. |
spookynewghostfriend
09.17.16 | lololololololo |
Rowan5215
09.17.16 | I bought some shoes off a drug dealer, dunno what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day |
Divaman
09.17.16 | A guy gets married, and decides on his honeymoon, he wants to ring the bell at Notre-Dame Cathedral in Paris. When he and his bride arrive at the Cathedral, they're greeted by Quasimodo. The guy explains his fantasy, and Quasi says "No problem." So they climb the steps to the bell tower, only for the guy to discover that the bell has no rope.
"How do you ring it?" the guy asks Quasi.
"Like this," Quasi replies. Quasi takes a couple of steps backwards, charges forward, and smashes headfirst into the bell, which gives a tremendous ring.
The guy shrugs and says "OK." He takes a step backwards, charges face first into the bell, and bounces back. The bell remains silent.
Against his bride's wishes, he decides to try again. He takes two steps back, and charges again. He bounces back, this time with a huge lump on his head. But the bell still remains silent.
More determined, he ignores his bride's pleas, takes three steps back and prepares to try again. He charges forward at full speed. He nose breaks, teeth fly out of his mouth, his head splits like a melon and he bounces back several feet, but nothing happens. The bell still remains silent.
He staggers to his feet. His bride is sobbing and begging him to stop, but he brushes her off impatiently. He steps back as far as can, so his back actually touches the outer rail of the bell tower.
He focuses single mindedly. Quasi looks on impassively. The guy silently counts down from three, then charges like a locomotive train. He hits the bell face-first, bouncing off of it like a fly off of a windshield. He flies back over the rail of the bell tower and plunges to a painful death below. And the final insult - the bell remains silent.
An hour later, Quasimodo stands at the door of the cathedral watching imperturbably as the police scrape up the remains in front of his hysterical widow.
The police inspector sees Quasi standing there, and walks up to him.
"Did you know this guy?" he asks.
Quasi shakes his head, and says "Face doesn't ring a bell." |
Snake.
09.17.16 | hi drunk i'm dad |
FullOfSounds
09.17.16 | Divaman's could have ended with a moral or something, rather than a pun. |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
09.17.16 | what do you call the Christian man's wholesale buyers club?
THE PENTA-COSTCO
i made that one up myself |
ConcubinaryCode
09.17.16 | It's was an unknown fact that the beatles decided on the spelling of their band as an inside joke due to how John Lennon used to beat his wife. |
MistaCrave
09.17.16 | My name is Hugh
Hugh Mungus |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
09.17.16 | ugh |
NordicMindset
09.17.16 | more like Hugh G. Rekshyn |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
09.17.16 | no |
theBoneyKing
09.17.16 | Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?
They don't believe in higher powers. |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
09.17.16 | better |
theBoneyKing
09.17.16 | I once entered ten puns into a pun contest. I really thought one would win, but no pun in ten did. |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
09.17.16 | OLD |
Calc
09.17.16 | hear about the scarecrow that got promoted?
he was outstanding in his field |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
09.17.16 | nice |
TheSpaceMan
09.17.16 | ^a waitress told me that one once and I tipped her hard |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
09.17.16 | just the tip? |
TheSpaceMan
09.17.16 | shoulda gone deeper, i was young |
ConcubinaryCode
09.17.16 | I never thought I'd miss my rock collection until they got thrown out. I sure took them for granite. |
TVC15
09.17.16 | http://www.sputnikmusic.com/list.php?memberid=840110&listid=166071 |
theNateman
09.17.16 | Ok this isn't a quick one but in disney's Alice in wonderland cartoon, the flowers are pestering Alice about what kind of flower she is before they say, and I quote "[Alice is,] to put it bluntly, a weed!"
And I haven't stopped laughing at it since |
Typhoon24
09.17.16 | that nigga straight up like 12 o clock |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
09.17.16 | "to put it bluntly, a weed!"
oooooooh snap |
ScuroFantasma
09.17.16 | "I never thought I'd miss my rock collection until they got thrown out. I sure took them for granite."
god damn it |
zakalwe
09.17.16 | I've always wanted to read Stephen Hawkings 'A Brief History of Time' but can never find the time. |
Sinternet
09.17.16 | i went on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday the other day. I tell you what, never again. |
heck
09.17.16 | good job guys, you didn't disappoint |
BallsDeep
09.17.16 | so I just read the first ten puns in this thread looking for one to make me laugh...
no pun in ten did
hohoho
|
BallsDeep
09.17.16 | fk I see someone beat me to it |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
09.17.16 | fail |
BallsDeep
09.17.16 | oh Once I ate two pieces of string and they came out tied together. I shit you not.
|
ArsMoriendi
09.17.16 | Why did the musician stop going fishing?
It was too much treble to catch a bass.
(Just made this one up, don't kill me...) |
BallsDeep
09.17.16 | ^couldn't keep his balance? |
Storm In A Teacup
09.17.16 | I bet my dad would create an account just for this thread and destroy it. |
Storm In A Teacup
09.17.16 | I prefer keeping my eyes out the back of my head tho so I'm gonna keep it from him. |
Typhoon24
09.17.16 | i LOLed at the chicken well one |
TheCrocodile
09.17.16 | What are pirates' favourite country?
ARRRgentina |
random
09.21.16 | "I'm anemic too, a Neiman Marcus shopper.-Young Thug. |
DinosaurJones
09.21.16 | Did you hear they arrested a T-Rex at the border?
...yeah, they caught him trying to smuggle small arms across. |
StrikeOfTheBeast
09.21.16 | I have a picture of Roger Rabbit. You know what I did with it?
I framed it... |
Sharkattack
03.08.20 | What do you call it when someone who isn’t a father makes a dad joke?
Faux pas |
parksungjoon
03.08.20 | shark stop it |
Sharkattack
03.08.20 | I’m addicted dude I’m sorry |
Sharkattack
03.08.20 | There’s so much good material why do we only use the current lists of the day? |
parksungjoon
03.08.20 | bro just listen to n.o.d. |
Sharkattack
03.08.20 | K the link you sent had no hip hop tho and only had like 5 entries so was vry confused |
parksungjoon
03.08.20 | wait what? |
Satellite
03.08.20 | thought this list was gonna be about terrible punk :/ |
Sharkattack
03.08.20 | That list would be too long |
parksungjoon
03.08.20 | whats some terrible punk |
Sharkattack
03.08.20 | The misfits |
parksungjoon
03.08.20 | youre kidding right? |