YetAnotherBrick: In Love and Tango

YetAnotherBrick 05.13.16	please and thank you
BlushfulHippocrene 05.14.16	This is looking sweet, can't wait to read it tonight.
CaimanJesus 05.14.16	I'll check this later when I have more time
iloveyouall 05.14.16	i might read this one day when i'm in a more masochistic mood.
ZippaThaRippa 05.14.16	That's a little mean haha
YetAnotherBrick 05.14.16	the narrator is quite masochistic yes, and no, he's not based on me. maybe you could actually read it and tell me what you actually think instead of just making a joke and running like a pussy. i did say "feedback of any kind," didn't i?
iloveyouall 05.14.16	how the fuck did you catch me? i was running so fast.
YetAnotherBrick 05.14.16	and you ran right back!
iloveyouall 05.14.16	is this an endless loop?
YetAnotherBrick 05.14.16	you tell me! srsly dude you could just read the story. i'm looking for anyone's feedback. even biased it's-a-piece-of-crap-because-i-already-hate-you-for-some-reason kind of feedback.
iloveyouall 05.14.16	alright, i'll read it. and don't for a second think i'm that fucking low... i mean, good lord, i may not like you, but i'm not going to use that as a platform to smear shit on your work (that you've obviously put a lot of effort into). gimme 10-20 and i'll hit you with some feedback.
YetAnotherBrick 05.14.16	thank you!
iloveyouall 05.14.16	wow, it is waaaaaay longer than i expected. i'm just up to part two... i must admit that your prose is pretty good, but i'm really struggling to connect with the speaker (at all). although, in saying that, it does remind me (albeit in a very cynical light) of early high school, so i'd say it is successful in that regard. i don't know if i'm a fan of the so-hyperserious-that-its-lighthearted tone, but i can definitely see why'd you go for it. i'll finish reading it and hit you up with more feedback (if i have any), but early impressions have me filing this under ~things that just aren't for me~ (although i could definitely see others enjoying this kind of thing)... :)))
YetAnotherBrick 05.14.16	thanks for being real, man. i would say that the narrator's faults were definitely a very touchy element i knew from the start i had to be careful with. so i kinda just fell into that kind of... cartoon drama, as much as i could without being melodramatic. (tho i'm sure a few scenes appeared a little melodramatic, this thing definitely still needs honing). i tried to at least get an irony in each of his follies, to not only laugh at, but then to laugh at yourself for laughing at it, i guess. i suppose the ultimate irony is that this douche is the narrator haha
BlushfulHippocrene 05.20.16	As much as this was a lot more conventional than 'New Sensations Needed', I liked it a bit more and I think it's quite a bit better. Excellent work, man. I think it all comes in together well at the end, particularly given how much longer this one was. It must've been a lot more difficult planning this one out, but I think it was well worth it, that was a great read. To be quite honest, the most criticism I can give is perhaps in regard to the character of the narrator. Whilst at the beginning he's so obviously painted as an almost completely irrational and unlikable character, this doesn't seem to follow suit throughout the rest of the story. Rather, he seems to progress at least a little bit, as Joseph does. Which is more than fine, and was an interesting take, but I thought it was unclear as to whether this was just an inconsistency, or in fact he comes to some sort of a realisation, no matter how fleeting or selfish. And I realise the conclusion isn't redemptive, but I feel as though there was at least a little bit hinting towards this. Yet if it weren't for a sort of sombreness growing in having to retell the narrative from the perspective of death, I don't think it was dealt with as well as it could have been. Even if the rage the narrator begins with is due to the frustration of having been killed - and I under it's possible that in fact the rage doesn't disappear, though it seems that way - then I don't see how reflective this should've been in Joseph right before his death, in almost feeling regret for the things he's put Ada and her family through. In that sense, I think things are a bit inconsistent. Also, just like with 'New Sensations Needed', I think 'In Love and Tango' could have benefited from the smallest hint of more subtlety. I hope that makes even a little bit of sense... Otherwise, this held me for longer than I'd like to admit, so thanks for the content! I understand what took so long now, and I can't wait to see what you write next. Oh, and was "petal to the metal" intentional?