preton
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07.15.08 Shitty Bands Everyone Loves

Shitty Bands Everyone Loves

There are many terrible bands out there. Fall Out Boy, Green Day, and John Mayer (he's only one person, but he's awful enough by himself to be a terrible band). However, some bands are shittier than others. These are they.
1 The Rolling Stones
Any

Some people thought that The Rolling Stones were too old too rock. After their historical Super Bowl performance, they knew it for a fact. There's nothing that has less to do with rock and roll than old, flabby arms hanging out of a skin-tight black shirt. On the other hand, nothing puts me into a deep sleep/coma more than songs about being unsatisfied or painting doors black.
2 U2
Any

Are you kidding me? I can't even imagine how these tools became popular in the first place. I wish Bono would spend more time saving my ears from his shitty music than saving the world from whatever his cause of the week is.
3 The Beatles
Any

Wow! The Beatles is pronounced like the word "beetle," but has the word beat in it! Beat, as in the kind in music! Get it!? The only kind of beetle this band even remotely compares to is the shit beetle, or whatever it's called.
4 Aerosmith
Any

Aerosmith is a band that can only be appreciated by comparison to other bands. They're like The Rolling Stones, except more annoying. Like AC/DC, except not as good. Like Metallica, except shittier drug users. Stephen Tyler, lead singer and ugliest son of a bitch in history once said, "fake it 'till you make it." Failing that, apparently, fake that you made it, and continue to fake it.
5 Nirvana
Pick one, they all suck.

I've never seen a band get more undo praise from a shotgun wound in my life. Nirvana is three times as popular now that Kurt Cobain is dead. I'm also fairly sure that the band has released more songs after they stopped recording than they ever did in their recording days. Additionally, Cobain's suicide apparently qualified Nirvana to be accepted as the band that popularized grunge rock. First of all, where the hell does that put Alice in Chains and Pearl Jam (an infinitely better band than Chains or Nirvana). Third, what's so great about the smell of teen spirit? I always felt that teen's smelled rather rank... almost as bad as a rotting corpse.
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