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True Detective: Season 2 Finale

Are you fucking kidding me? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
1Cannabis Corpse
Blaze of Torment

Going into the final half of the episode, it was abundantly clear that Frank's ticket was up. It was about as subtle as a neon fucking sign hung around his neck saying "I am going to be one of those main characters that dies." Okay. The whole never making good on your promise and dying, leaving the love of your life waiting is a pretty tried and true cliche. But I made my peace with it. And then he gets stabbed by a fucking unknown Mexican gangster over some fucking nonsense. And his death scene gets dragged into a 10 minute epic of him walking through the fucking desert and hallucinating. Cue the recurring theme of awkward purgatorial conversations with phantoms of your abusive father. Is he going to make it to the highway and miraculously escape? Nah we just felt like drawing it out. Fuck you Nic Pizzolatto.
2Highly Suspect
Bloodfeather

That moment when you realize that the two principal 'villains' of the series were essentially cameo characters with no actual role in the drama that unfolded on the screen. Anthony, who turned out to be much more than a simple party organizer, had literally one speaking part in the entire series. Rather than tying him into the finale in any meaningful way, we get a single 10 second montage of him as the new mayor, revealing that nothing happened and the trials and tribulations of the main characters amounted to jack fucking shit. Secondly, the perpetrators of the savage and apparently politically charged killing of Ben Caspere is boiled down to nothing more than the revenge fantasy of a disturbed man. In the end, Caspere's murder, the hard drive and basically the entire premise of the initial episodes were utterly inconsequential. Furthermore, considering that she played such an instrumental role, Tascha was entirely absent from the series. Fuck you Nic.
3Akhlys
Breath and Levitation

Like Frank, Ray's death was more or less inevitable. He fit snugly into the damaged suicidal type who you knew was going to go out in a blaze of gunfire and infamy one way or another. Live by the sword, die by it and all that. But that's a tired cliche. Why not bring heroic sacrifice into the modern age? Nothing quite pulls at the heart strings like a fade out of "Your heartfelt and touching pre-death speech to your estranged son has failed to send" gleaming poignantly from the screen of a pristine iPhone6. Would it have been too much for ask for Ray to at least pop out from behind the tree trunk and blow a hole in that smarmy fuck who did in Paul? Fuck you Nic.
4Cattle Decapitation
Cannibalistic Invasivorism

Bezzerides character is relentlessly portrayed as a tough-talking, no-nonsense shit kicker who gets the job done no matter the cost. Sure she didn't have Paul's god-like warrior reflexes or Ray's suicidal rage but she was tough enough to cut it with the boys. After risking her neck to get an inside view at the prostitution ring, her character falls apart like wet cardboard. The hard badass disintegrates into a helpless third wheeler and an object of pity. Her important scenes in the finale consist of delivering a hazy monologue explaining her childhood rape and staring wistfully over the ocean as she learns telepathically that her lover has been killed (a trait that is shared by all women in this season apparently). Did she catch the bad guys? Did she expose the truth? Did she do anything meaningful at all? Nah she went to Venezuela. What the fuck? Fuck you Nic.
5Lera Lynn
Least Favorite Life

All in all, a god awful conclusion to a season that was resoundingly mediocre. A far cry from the creepy brilliance that was season one. I don't want to put down any of the actors. Aside from a few of the more mumbly scenes from Collin Farrell, I thought the entire cast did a pretty good job. They certainly made the best of some incredibly clunky dialogue in parts. That being said, the writing was awful. The plot was a convoluted throwaway, the villains were insubstantial and the resolutions were nonexistent. The camera work as shoddy at best. The show piece action scenes lacked the throat-gripping realism captured in the first season. The pervasive grimness that overwhelmed the first season was replaced by the forlorn angst and aimlessness of the second. The screen time seemed far too stretched between the four character's meandering character exposition to deliver any real plot. Oh but the the songs by Lera Lynn were actually pretty great. But really. Oh, and Fuck you Nic.
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