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02.15.18 What your favorite Autechre album says 10.05.17 Venetian Snares guide
08.22.17 im engaged01.26.17 Earbud recs?
08.18.15 the final straw08.31.14 Post-hardcore Songs To Sing In The Show
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Post-hardcore Songs To Sing In The Shower

Post-hardcore is a very prevalent genre in modern music. Everyone from U2 to Nickelback to Weezer has paid their respects to post-hardcore, and this it is imperative that you also pay your respects by singing some of the choice cuts while you clean yourself (genitalia included). These are by no means the definitive post-hardcore shower tunes, merely a set of guidelines by which future shower tune choices should be selected.
The Argument

CASHOUT: This is an excellent song to sing in the shower because it's about urban gentrification, and if you live in a shitty neighborhood like I do it's always wise to consider the looming threat of eviction when your town decides to "clean up." The lady next door who mumbles to herself all day in her lawn doesn't bother anyone, and Fugazi knows this.
Worship and Tribute

APE DOS MIL: This is probably the sexiest post-hardcore song ever written. If you don't jerk off in the shower, I have to question your priorities. Rubbing one out to this blatantly coital tune is a life-affirming experience. If you do stroke it in the shower, the song's five-minute runtime allows you to orgasm twice, or even thrice if you're hasty.
The Illusion of Safety

TRUST: After blowing your load and hoping it doesn't cause plumbing issues, you'll inevitably start worrying about the sin you just committed. But as your sunday school teacher told you in second grade, "singing is like praying three times." So, you decide to sing a Christian post-hardcore tune.
Turn on the Bright Lights

OBSTACLE 1: Okay, so Interpol isn't post-hardcore, but their drummer was in Saetia and they're post-punk, so if you connect the dots you're close enough.
Challenge for a Civilized Society

LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD: This song is quite depressing, and as such it's a fantastic song to sing as you begin (or end, no discrimination against people who are filthy all day before they shower) your day because it keeps you grounded for the day to come. You'll go to your shitty cubicle job and remember singing this tune in the shower when your mindless coworkers are blathering on about something they saw on TV last night. Bonus points if you take up a drug habit that you continue in the bathrooms at your job.
6Drug Church
Paul Walker

SHOPPING FOR A BELT: If you're anything like me, you have a disturbing tendency to lose your belt on a regular basis. It can be difficult to keep up with the latest trends. Fortunately Patrick Kindlon and company understand my plight and continue to pen stellar tunes about my daily routine.
7Husker Du
New Day Rising

NEW DAY RISING: I just remembered that my shithead neighbor had a party last night and didn't invite me. That insipid pop song glorifying bass lines and fat girls kept me up past my bedtime last night, so I am going to retaliate by blasting this and yelling "NEW DAY RISING" outside his bedroom window at approximately five in the morning while I jerk off again. Twice to glassjaw wasn't enough.

BIG DICK: I'm always surprised this hasn't gained popularity among the frat crowd. For some reason they are "all about that bass," and I suppose they must not be able to sing this song because of the women they pull. Fortunately I am quite well endowed, so the NSA has given me express permission to sing this at any gathering I attend.
9At The Drive-In
Relationship of Command

WHICHEVER TRACK HAS "FREIGHT FREIGHT TRAIN COMIN FREIGHT FREIGHT TRAIN COMIN' HEY": This is an especially fitting tune to sing in the shower because the rhythmic massage of water droplets on my supple flesh is akin to the vibrations of an incoming freight train. Also I'm fairly certain the shithead next door collects model trains and if he ever hears me singing about freight trains he might think I'm cool and invite me to one of his parties.
the shape of punk to come

NEW NOISE: This song was in an episode of 24 once which makes it edgy and topical and thus a perfect composition for the shower. If your throat starts to hurt after yelling "THE NEW BEAT" over and over again, simply take a short break to drink some of the water dripping off your dong. Waste not, want not.
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