Glokta: False English Cliches

Glokta 05.24.13	Should have added the british thing here: please don't call anyone who's english british, it's not the same thing. British collects several separate countries, so only use it when your speaking about a collective. A bit serious for sputnik but fuck it. I'm gonna's go drink some TEA
Trebor. 05.24.13	Really prejudiced towards muslims, even more so than Americans
ButteryBiscuitBass 05.24.13	Agreed Glotka
Glokta 05.24.13	Agreed with the list or with Trebor?
Trebor. 05.24.13	Most Americans don't even know what the word posh means We wouldn't even know of the word at all if it wasn't for da spice girls
Funeralopolis 05.24.13	what flavour of tea are you drinking right now?
MoosechriS 05.24.13	where about's you from dude? i'm assuming by some of your phrasing your a northerner? oh and yeah........ CUNT! fucking love the word haha
ButteryBiscuitBass 05.24.13	With the list. Trebor made a retarded statement.
TheSpaceMan 05.24.13	Damn, I came here hoping to learn about grammar
Glokta 05.24.13	@ BBB Nice one bro. @ Trebor17 Yeah I think that's fair, but I suppose it's because muslims have been living over here for longer than in America. Work with a lot of Muslims, work around Longsight in Manchester, if anyone knows it, which is a very asian community. Don't get the hate if I'm honest with you, but I guess it's 'coz everyone needs someone to hate and because black (Samalians, africans etc.) have lived over here for generations and generations, none of the racists feel comfortable hating them. Fuck prejudices. That's partly why I made the list.
Glokta 05.24.13	"Damn, I came here hoping to learn about grammar" Grammar int our strong suit bro. especially not down-trodden-northern bastards like yours truly. Or down-trodden southern bastard like most of the south. Fuck David Cameron (Random, but kind of in-keeping with the topic).
Cipieron 05.24.13	snogging tallywackers, tea and crumpets, bobs your uncle blah blah blah
Glokta 05.24.13	Snogging Tallywackers? Never heard that one bro. Had me laughing me arse off, y'all here now?
Glokta 05.24.13	I meant Hear lol.
MoosechriS 05.24.13	suppose i'm not far from you dude if you work in longsight, i live in warrington myself so only just up the road really
Trebor. 05.24.13	I have scottish and irish ancestors mate, but my family has been in the states for too many generations for me to have any of that culture you know
ButteryBiscuitBass 05.24.13	I'd like to think most of us over here aren't racist though, Glotka, despite what's portrayed, or what we read, I live in a relatively small town though, where racism is very rare, or if it isn't, people keep it to themselves.
omnipanzer 05.24.13	Do you call English Breakfast tea... Breakfast?
YoYoMancuso 05.24.13	because being violent and aggressive is such a fantastic thing
AliW1993 05.24.13	Cunt becomes more common the further north you go. It's refreshingly everyday in Scotland. I've got a really strange accent. It's predominantly geordie, but I live in the countryside between Newcastle and Durham. I quite often get mistaken as Scottish, Welsh or Irish. One thing; I'd much rather be called British than English. I fucking hate England and the majority of the people in it. Scotland on the other hand...
Glokta 05.24.13	Yeah dude, a fellow Manc - or do you not consider yourself Manc? Whatever, fuck it, a fellow North westerner. All are welcome. What team you support bro?
Trebor. 05.24.13	My English friend told me that english muffins are a made up american thing and that you guys are always puzzled when people mention them. Is this true?
chemicalmarriage 05.24.13	This lists sets the record straight spread the word
Glokta 05.24.13	"Cunt becomes more common the further north you go. It's refreshingly everyday in Scotland. I've got a really strange accent. It's predominantly geordie, but I live in the countryside between Newcastle and Durham. I quite often get mistaken as Scottish, Welsh or Irish. One thing; I'd much rather be called British than English. I fucking hate England and the majority of the people in it. Scotland on the other hand..." Fair play to you bro. To each their own. Most geordies I've met prefer to be associated with scotland so you're not on your own there, maybe it's just my preference. I just hate the Andy Murray thing though, he's not British when he's good and Scottish when he's bad, he's Scottish period, that's fucking it.
InfamousGrouse 05.24.13	Ali what is yr obsession with Scots all about, we really ain't anything to admire
Calc 05.24.13	there's a word for this. stereotypes
Glokta 05.24.13	@ Trebor 17 Yeah, I've no fucking idea what and English muffin is. Maybe it's just that we call some sandwiches and bread muffins and you don't (I'm guessing).
Glokta 05.24.13	@ YoYoMancuso I said it wasn't something to be proud of bro, just pointing out the contradictions.
MoosechriS 05.24.13	i'm an oddball so to speak as i moved to the north west when i was younger, my family are from the north east so i'm actually a sunderland fan of all things (yes we do actually exist lol). so i've always considered myself a mackem. But i've been in the north west 20 years now, my parents and brother still live here and my wifes family are all here so this is home for me. Love going music shopping in manchester, picadilly records and vinyl exchange get raided fairly regularly. who's your team i'm assuming either city or utd?
Glokta 05.24.13	Yeah should have called the list STERETYPEs, but I'm drunk so fuck it.
AliW1993 05.24.13	@InfamousGrouse, I dunno, I just love it. The place, the people, the music, everything. As a general rule the further north you go the friendlier people get, it's really noticeable when you travel there from England.
Cygnatti 05.24.13	southern us rednecks are the worst.
ViperAces 05.24.13	inb4 u wot m8
NordicMindset 05.24.13	What's a diadem?
Glokta 05.24.13	@ AliW1993 You don't 'av to love your own country, that's bullshit, it's just that I happen to. The friendly thing, I dunno', it might be true. But I find that people tend to friendly everywhere, and that everywhere there's somewhere proper fucking rough where no-one will say a nice word to you and just give you a dig if you look at 'em. Everywhere in the world has good and bad places, THAT'S WHAT THE LIST IS ABOUT, PARTLY. I'm just saying that to portray one nationality, race or region as one thing and one thing alone is fucking stupid.
Cygnatti 05.24.13	it's funny, in the us, girls find british accents attractive, but when my friend went to the uk for spring break, a bunch of british girls said they were first interested in him just because he had an american accent.
chemicalmarriage 05.24.13	you shoulda included dental hygiene for the love of fuck
omnipanzer 05.24.13	When playing billiards do you always put spin on the cue.. like you have no choice?
AliW1993 05.24.13	greenlinkinmuse, It depends how pedantic you're being. Northern Ireland is part of the United Kingdom, but not Great Britain. I'd say Northern Irish people tend to be accepted as 'our own,' in the same way that Welsh and Scottish people are. The Republic of Ireland on the other hand is a completely different country, with a different currency and government.
Trebor. 05.24.13	Americans have a weird perception where they think ugly or jagged teeth = dental hygiene, but a lot of Americans have nice looking teeth that are cavity filled and all fucked you know Brits have the best dental hygiene, but not the most attractive teeth according to Americans Man we're fucking dumb
Glokta 05.24.13	@ greenlinkinmuse Ireland is it's own country. To be honest most English don't care about the struggles between us and the Irish, just let them have their country back (Northern Ireland) if they want it, and if they don't, keep it as part of Britain. The IRA bombed Manchester years ago, the largest inland bomb to go off in England ever, it killed no-one, injured a few people, and where it went off it destroyed a loud of shops but left a post box standing. Maybe that answers you question. But in all honesty, most people just want that bullshit to be over. It's the 21 century, if everyone can't have what they want now, then no-one can.
omnipanzer 05.24.13	Why do you use two fingers to flip people off... isn't that just exerting unnecessary energy?
DominionMM1 05.24.13	lol omni
PunchforPunch 05.24.13	i learn alot from this is england and lock stock and two smoking barrels
Glokta 05.24.13	@ omnipanzer NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
omnipanzer 05.24.13	Are you ever going to drive on the correct side of the road? You don't need your sword hand free anymore...
Glokta 05.24.13	@ Omnipanzer 2 fingers just looks better, plus you can't finger a bird with one finger, not a slut anyway.
Glokta 05.24.13	"Are you ever going to drive on the correct side of the road? You don't need your sword hand free anymore..." LMFAO. Well played mate.
omnipanzer 05.24.13	@PunchforPunch The Young Ones watch it
MoosechriS 05.24.13	the two fingers thing comes from fighting the french in the Napoleonic war, french archers were highly feared because of their deadly accuracy. so when they captured them they cut their two fingers off so they could never kill another soldier with their bow. So when marching into battle the english would offten advance with their two fingers held up as a warning and an insult. Basically it started with that and now we use it to tell people to fuck off haha
Glokta 05.24.13	@ MoosechriS Shit yeah, that's true annol. Nice one dude.
ConsiderPhlebas 05.24.13	We're not all stereotypical poshos, true, but rough as fuck seems a bit strong. In the poorest areas of cities and towns the violence is still pretty ripe, but the average is more bland, as with all affluent countries. It'd be more accurate to say most are lower middle class, slightly overweight middle-managers counting down the hours to the weekend when they can gorge themselves on Stella and Dairy Milk Fruit and Nut whilst watching the football as they secretly wish they were dead.
chemicalmarriage 05.24.13	well done trebor, master of dental knowledge
Glokta 05.24.13	@ ConsiderPhlebas LMFAO whilst at the same time downing my pint of stella. Nice user name by the way, hadn't notice it before. Will miss Iain Banks.
DominionMM1 05.24.13	i don't think all english folk are posh only like half of them, with the other half being chavs.
ConsiderPhlebas 05.24.13	The two fingered insult might have originated back when our archers used to devastate the French - the two fingers are the ones used to pull back the string, and the French would chop them off if they caught the archers. It's not an absolute certainty, but most believe it.
ConsiderPhlebas 05.24.13	"Will miss Iain Banks." Yeah, terrible news. Great writer/guy.
zakalwe 05.24.13	Uptight, moronic, deluded, racist, irrational, opinionated, snobbish, rude, impatient, and to stick by rule 2 a right bunch of cunts for the most part by I can't help but love it and we do have our good points.
MoosechriS 05.24.13	actually realized i messed up there, it was actually the battle of Agincourt during the hundred years war where it was used and it was the other way around. allegedly the french would cut off the english bowmans fingers so the english raised their fingers in order to say they could still kill them. fuck knows how i got that confused, i've got a friend who is heavily into war history so he goes on about it quite alot.
Glokta 05.24.13	"i don't think all english folk are posh only like half of them, with the other half being chavs." About 10% are proper posh, 10% fairly well off, 40% normal and 40% rough as fuck. But then again I do live in a rough area so, my view may be slightly fucked up.
MoosechriS 05.24.13	@ considered - just saw your post dude, yeah i got confused a bit i think haha
Rail 05.24.13	"just let them have their country back (Northern Ireland) if they want it, and if they don't, keep it as part of Britain" Small correction: Northern Ireland isn't 'their country'. They relinquished their constitutional claim to it around the time of the Good Friday Agreement in 1998. Any future border poll would be for the people of Northern Ireland to make their decision upon.
Trebor. 05.24.13	You guys are way less homogenized than us even though your landmass is way smaller Like pretty much all Americans are the same regardless of what area, like southerners like nascar and are sometimes racist and that's like the only difference
Glokta 05.24.13	@ Zakalwe Nice one bro, proper made me laugh and made a few good points. @ consider phelbas seeing as though you must read a lot of Sci-fi, have you ever read More Than Human by Thomas Sturgeon? I've never met anyone who has before bro.
NordicMindset 05.24.13	Danke
InfamousGrouse 05.24.13	fun fact: Iain Banks attended the university I currently go to. In some of his novels, Complicity, for example, if memory serves, he talks of really recognisable locations, which is really sweet. He'll be missed, one of my favourite authors when I got into fiction and literature in general.
DominionMM1 05.24.13	you haven't spent much time in the south have you treb?
Glokta 05.24.13	@ trebor17 Yeah I think that as well, if I may say it. There's a vast difference between one area over here and the next, though we're a tiny country. Strange. Plus, I 'av to point out that with the olympics, what england, wales, scotland and ireland achieved was amazing, considering we're the smallest countries in the world to have ever done so well I presume. Even though I am catogorising us all as British, which is something I said I hated, what with Andy Murray, but still, we all - individually did fucking brill.
Glokta 05.24.13	@ Rail As I said, most people don't care, understand or are ignorant purposefully. I guess I'm all three. And yes my comment was very childish and immature (Which is the same thing but it looked good on the screen) but in a perfect world, it would be that simple.
zakalwe 05.24.13	The Culture Series is one of the best things in print and will be so cruelly ended when there is still so much potential.
ConsiderPhlebas 05.24.13	"just saw your post dude, yeah i got confused a bit i think haha" Close enough, man lol. Actually got that info from the intro to Bernard Cornwell's book Agincourt. "have you ever read More Than Human by Thomas Sturgeon" No, but it sounds a bit familiar - is it new?. I lost touch with sci-fi when I went uni so I've fallen behind. Just rereading Dan Simmons Hyperion now.
Glokta 05.24.13	@ Zakalwe @ ConsiderPhelbas Either of you read these (Never met anyone who has): Riddley Walker- Russell Hoban, The Stars My Destination-Alfred Bester, The Demolished Man-Alfred Bester, Hyperion-Dan Simmons, More Than Human-Theodore Sturgeon, I am Legend-Richard Matheson, The Blade Itself-Joe Abercrombie, The Book Of The New Sun-Gene Wolfe? Just curious.
ConsiderPhlebas 05.24.13	I did my dissertation on the Culture series. The Player of Games is golden.
Glokta 05.24.13	@ Considerphelbas How awesome is Hyperion dude? Fucking love that book. More Than Human is very old, one of the classics, a must read and one of my favourite novels ever. Very much concerned with the idea of human evolution, disability and narrative structure. Plus it has the best opening pages (Writing wise) ever. "The idiot lived in a black and gray world, punctuated by the white light of hunger and the flickeringg of fear....."
zakalwe 05.24.13	I am Legend years back and absolutely blew me away, fucking incredible ending. Heard of all the others except the last two but have to admit to not reading them, what one should I start with Glokta?
ConsiderPhlebas 05.24.13	The Demolished Man rules, the ending is fantastic - same with I Am Legend. It's rare to see 'twists' so nicely ingrained with the material before. The Book of the New Sun and Hyperion are two of my favourite series.
zakalwe 05.24.13	All boxes ticked with that More Than Human gambit. Definitely my sort of thing. Phlebas - That dissertation would be a fascinating read mate.
ConsiderPhlebas 05.24.13	"How awesome is Hyperion dude? Fucking love that book." Simmons is a top writer. There's more ideas in the first book than most series. MTH looks sweet, I'll hunt it down.
Glokta 05.24.13	@ Zakalwe @ ConsiderPhelbas You've officaially become me favourite users lol. Start with The Star My Destination (very much about the idea of an anti-hero, coupled with very, very interesting ideas of human ability and the future.) The The Demolsihed Man (as CP said it has one of the best endings ever, and is, as CP said yet again, so well intergrated it's unreal.) The Blade Itself next, not sci-fi but grim-dark fantasy, it is almost the complete opposite of the others in the way that it doesn't take itself too seriously, has some of the best action scenes ever written and is hilarious with awesome characters. Riddley Walker next: an experiment in language like none other, based on very english (Relevant to the list) speech, the effects or affects - I'm never sure despite my reading habits- of the USA and the atom bomb, based in an apocalyptic future. It reveales more with each read. The Book Of the new sun is unlike anything else you will ever read, a sci-fi fantasy, loaded with double and triple meanings, odd character, characters, society ideas and creatures. It was voted the greatest ever fantasy novel behind the lord of the rings and the hobbit. More Than Human is a personal favourite and truly original, sturgeon was defo concerned with the idea of human evolution.
ConsiderPhlebas 05.24.13	"That dissertation would be a fascinating read mate." I put it online at one point, think it might still be up. It focused on ideas of utopia and subjectivity etc. Will see if I can dredge it up.
Glokta 05.24.13	Hyperion does have an unreal amount of ideas. Favourite character? Mine is either Silinus (Don't know if I spelt that right) or Lamia. Plus the Shrike obvioulsy.
ConsiderPhlebas 05.24.13	The subtlety of The Book of the New Sun is crazy. Some paragraphs drop bombs into your mind like it was nothing.
Glokta 05.24.13	@ ConsiderPhelbas Agreed, fucking hard bro. It chews you up and spits you out. Plus Severians ideas of love are so... complex. Not read sword and citadel yet so please don't ruin anything.
zakalwe 05.24.13	Nice one Phlebas. Glokta fair play with them summaries that Walker one sounds fucking amazing.
Glokta 05.24.13	@ Zakalwe It is bro. Takes a while to get used to it though. Defo not a throw away or half-arsed read, you have to invest some time in it. Just like The Book Of The New Sun, but maybe more so, it has many, many meanings. Plus some parts are very brutal and grim, some oddly funny, and some just incredible. And on top of that it's called Riddley Walker!!!
anarchistfish 05.24.13	Most if these are actually grounded in truth though. The only English stereotypes I've come across which are completely untrue are the posh one and the one about their teeth.
anarchistfish 05.24.13	Oh and the one about being obsessed with royals
Glokta 05.24.13	@ Fish Respect bro. Though the idea, which some people have, that we don't drink alot is shite too. Ask any spaniards or Greeks, they'll agree with me.
anarchistfish 05.24.13	" My English friend told me that english muffins are a made up american thing and that you guys are always puzzled when people mention them. Is this true?" The fucks an English muffin? I looked them up and they look like tea cakes but apparently they aren't.
AliW1993 05.24.13	"Oh and the one about being obsessed with royals" There are things I hate more, but that's definitely the most annoying characteristic.
DominionMM1 05.24.13	who ever thought the english were sober people?
DominionMM1 05.24.13	so if an english muffin isn't an actual english muffin, what's a muffin over there?
anarchistfish 05.24.13	I don't know why I used the third person there
Trebor. 05.24.13	You guys call cookies biscuits which is really fuckin weird And you guys don't even have biscuits, like not even at KFC, like why not?
Glokta 05.24.13	a muffin is just a type of bread bro. A bap, a barm cake, a cob. An un-sliced blob of bread, that's it.
DominionMM1 05.24.13	do you have these over there? http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8a/Muffin_NIH.jpg
anarchistfish 05.24.13	" You guys call cookies biscuits which is really fuckin weird " What do you call cookies then? "And you guys don't even have biscuits, like not even at KFC, like why not?" What you call a biscuit looks like a scone, but apparently it isn't. You'd never eat that at a KFC
Trebor. 05.24.13	A biscuit is a fuckin savory piece of bread and yo put butter on it and shit, or jelly/jam if that's your fancy Scones are sweet
Glokta 05.24.13	Biscuits is a very ropey term here; the USA have biscuits which have butter and stuff, I 'v no idea what they are, but biscuits over here are like bourbons, custard creams, hob nobs (yeah, funny name), errr, I'm trying to think of anything you'll know.... We do call cookies, cookies, but only actual cookies: biscuits which have chocolate chips in, are fairly soft (though from watching tv I hear that some people like 'em soft and gooey, some people like 'em crunchy.) Biscuits is a very generalistic term, it means any wheat - I think - based, small snacks.... Fuck me, that was a lot of writing about one fucking pointless thing...
Trebor. 05.24.13	English muffins are kind of like sourdough type bread, and you toast that shit and put butter and jelly and oh man it's gr8
Glokta 05.24.13	Na, biscuits aren't savoury over here bro, they're sweet, that probably the main difference.
anarchistfish 05.24.13	That sounds like a scone except scones are sweet. Apparently you don't have Nando's in the US?
DominionMM1 05.24.13	you havent lived til youve had some savoury biscuits drenched in white country gravy. do you guys have country gravy, btw?
Glokta 05.24.13	Fuck yeah a scone. Is that an english muffin to yancs? No Nando's in the US? How the fuck do you live?
Glokta 05.24.13	explain country gravy...
Trebor. 05.24.13	Do you guys have mexican restaurants and fast food? Or do you have to make your own quesadillas and burritos and tacos all the time?
DominionMM1 05.24.13	this is a scone http://www.kingarthurflour.com/wholesale/images/fullsize/scone_3425BLUCRM.jpg
DominionMM1 05.24.13	explain country gravy... nectar of the gods
Trebor. 05.24.13	scones here are like the cake equivalent to biscuits, I don't know anybody that eats that shit though cuz you might as well just have cake or something
Glokta 05.24.13	no we have no fast food places, what are burritos and quessssssss...................?
anarchistfish 05.24.13	I don't know if there are many Mexican restaurants here, there are probably some. We do make our own a lot though. But Indian and Chinese are the more popular foods. My personal favourite is North African but that's unusual, there aren't many restaurants that do that here (there are loads in France).
Trebor. 05.24.13	You just put cheese, beans, rice, meat, veggies whatever in a fuckin tortilla, there's mexican food for ya best food around
foxblood 05.24.13	one nice thing about California is all of the great Mexican food
Trebor. 05.24.13	and asian food
anarchistfish 05.24.13	Mexican's good but the flavours are inferior to Crispy Aromatic Duck and Tajines
foxblood 05.24.13	yeah are you guys into sushi, there's japanese/sushi places everywhere here
anarchistfish 05.24.13	Oh and Nando's. I mean do you even know how to Mozambique
anarchistfish 05.24.13	There are some Sushi places, not as many as others. I hate it, personally
Cygnatti 05.24.13	"scones here are like the cake equivalent to biscuits, I don't know anybody that eats that shit though cuz you might as well just have cake or something" there are no blueberry cakes. but there are blueberry scones and they are absolutely scrumptious. much better than blueberry muffins, though I love those a lot too.