Review Summary: "LIARS! LIARS! All you bands should just retire!"
…and so starts 'Power Chord Blues', a song written by California hardcore troupe
Dangers back in 2006. The track is absolutely scathing, verbally tearing to shreds a slew of artists that obviously irked frontman Al Brown more than just a little bit.
"Songs with no soul and even less of a sack!
Went to the record store and what the fuck did I find?
Thousands of records by thousands of kids
with overpriced budgets but not one hint of mind.
Ludwig would be crying, Cash would slit your throat.
Dee Dee wound up dying, Biz would hate your flow."
I have a strong feeling that bands not far off from Buffalo's sleep Atlantic inspired such a blistering tirade. Allow me to bring up a seemingly trivial but surprisingly perplexing dilemma I was recently faced with. Standing in an intimate local venue awaiting sets from
Daytrader and
Fake Problems, pop-punk/metalcore hometown "heroes" Sleep Atlantic took to the stage with the confidence…erm, arrogance of about fifteen Bono's. And I'll be honest, I did exactly what my kindergarten teacher tried so hard to warn me never to do: I judged a book by its cover (sorry, Mrs. Damato). I'd like to say that I looked past their guitarist's Billabong tank top and Hurley fitted, sticker still intact and brim dead flat, perfectly askew atop his Justin Bieber haircut. Really, I'd feel better saying I ignored their drummer's ploy of simultaneously drumming/baton-twirling/winking at girls in the crowd. But both of these things caught my attention and I just couldn't bring myself to forgive this band, so I sat their and scowled, until… wait a minute, a familiar sounding riff. And within twenty seconds, there I was at the front of the crowd, sharing the mic with Sleep Atlantic's frontman as we both angst-fully shouted along the lyrics to 'Last Chance to Lose Your Keys', one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite records from one of my favorite bands, ever. To this day, trifling as it seems, I haven't forgiven myself for that.
Where Sleep Atlantic ultimately go wrong isn't in their guitarist's laughable wardrobe or their drummer's chauvinistic antics, it's in their music. Put quite frankly, their efforts stand as disastrous attempts to write songs in the vein of such groups as
A Day To Remember or
Four Year Strong. The sound is as derivative as it is platitudinous, with songwriting that does nothing to remedy the situation. For example, 'Hey Mauer, You Like Onions?' rips off a Toby Keith song. Perhaps I'm being overly critical, but when you're so out of musical ideas that you feel the need to include lyrics from a fucking Toby Keith track to supplement your song about driving around with your buds listening Four Year Strong and looking for trouble, I think it's time to re-evaluate yourselves as a band. Or take 'Did Michael J. Fox Have a Tail?', with the chorus that boasts, "
so don't make me take you to the back room/cause I'm all fired up/it's a full moon, you should leave soon/'cause I'm bound to fuck you up!". Maybe it's just me, but that sounds about as believable as Bill Clinton standing up at the podium denying the hummer he got from the lovely Lady Lewinsky. Or perhaps the chorus is directed at an eight-year-old schoolgirl, in which case it's slightly more conceivable.
The lone redeeming grace of Sleep Atlantic's efforts so far, though hardly "redeeming" as it is, is the fact that they try. An iota of sincerity sneaks its way onto these tracks, and though so much of it comes off as juvenile and feigned, the fact that some amount of genuine effort was put in, at least into the instrumentation, can't be completely ignored. Unfortunately for Sleep Atlantic and even more unfortunately for their listeners, their many wrongdoings tarnish their reputation beyond repair. Forced screams and growls rehashing their prepubescent lyrics make their way onto almost every track, and the entire ordeal is endlessly plagued with whiny vocals and unnecessary breakdowns. Especially around these parts, it's consistently mentioned that "everybody's got to start somewhere", but must that really apply to
everyone? Hell, I've heard a lot about being "too legit to quit" as well, and I know for a fact that that one doesn't always apply. So take a pledge with me readers. Think of Sleep Atlantic as tobacco products: be 2smart2start.
