Review Summary: If this is shit, how come I keep eating it, huh?
“Mmm what is this? I can’t tell if it tastes like sh-t or if it’s the best thing I’ve had in ages,” said Jimbo Floppins as he pushed himself back from the kitchen table, letting the slop-covered spoon clank into an empty bowl.
“Watch your mouth,” his father scolded from overtop of that morning’s newspaper. “There’s more
Boar Taint - Tainted for Life if you’re still hungry. Eat it quick though, your mother’s just about ready to take you to adult high school.”
“I’m still hungry, sure,” Jimbo said, eying the latest flavor from
Boar Taint - Tainted for Life as the box sat on the counter. “But I can’t tell if I like it or not. It tastes like pop punk, the same kind I grew up eating, but they added a lot of grindcore, too. And on top of that it’s, like, funny? Maybe it's all just a gimmick.”
His dad set down the newspaper and took measure of his son. Had he really raised such a wimpo? He sighed as he ate the last spoonful of
Boar Taint - Tainted for Life in his own bowl and let out a fatass belch.
“Listen son, sometimes life gives us blessings that we don’t fully understand. Sometimes they’re not even really that good. Sometimes they’re not meant to be. Sometimes when the whole world is on fire, the best thing you can do is eat a big bowl of dumb bullsh-t. You may only eat it once, but sometimes it’s good just to smile. Does
Boar Taint - Tainted for Life make you smile? Even a little?”
Jimbo thought about it for a minute. His eyes glanced over the front of the box with a picture of two boars making love in front of an industrial site and he smiled a little. Then he noticed the ingredients, which included standouts like “Limeade and Oxy,” “Breaking up with Mrs Boar,” and “Leftover Crackling” (not to mention even some Ramones!) and he smiled a little more.
“I think I understand now, dad,” he said as his mother came down the stairs. “Sometimes things can be good just because they taste good. Cereal doesn’t have to always be serious, nutritious or even really that well-made. It’s all about how it makes you feel, and this brings me a little joy in this f-cked up world with its absolutely bonkers mash-up of pop punk and grindcore flavors. It makes me happy to eat it every now and then. Even though I probably won’t indulge in
Boar Taint - Tainted for Life all that often, it brings a smile to my face when I do, and that’s alright!”
His father’s heart ballooned with pride as he stood to embrace his family.
“I’m so glad you learned this lesson today, my son,” he said. “Now let’s all have one more bowl of
Boar Taint - Tainted for Life!”
Tragically, Jimbo's father didn’t make it to Page 2 of the newspaper, and consequently didn’t see the recall notice for
Boar Taint - Tainted for Life. It was chalk full of hantavirus after being improperly stored in a pigpen. One hundred and twenty people had already died. Soon, there would be three more.
If you or a loved one has been the victim of
Boar Taint - Tainted for Life, you may be entitled to financial compensation. Please call 1 (800) YUM-TUMMY today.
