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Review Summary: Watching Paint Dry: The Pop-Punk Musical Ever read the press release for upcoming albums? Here’s a tip if you never have - it’s perfectly normal for the bullsh it alarms to be wailing inside your mind whilst skimming through the chuckle-worthy, hyperbole-laden paragraphs. However, after taking a minute to read through the press release for possibly the dumbest album title of the year – Self-Titled Album (that’s seriously what it’s called) – it really does seem there are few that can bulls hit better than Victory Records. In this instance, they’re talking about pop-punk band All-Time Low…sorry, The Higher…wait, no, that’s not it…The Cab?...nope; but we’re getting closer…ahh, here it is.
The Audition. Where faceless, whiny modern pop-punk is the name of the game.
But back to the press release. “The band refused to use the digital audio workstation to fix the little mistakes, making this album a derivative of their actual live performance”, boasts the second paragraph. “No frills, no fakery – just rock & roll”.
Balderdash.
Not only is this about twenty-six kilometres down the road from “rock & roll”, but this album has got to be one of the most overproduced and very cleanly polished albums this side of your little brother’s fringe. Not a foot is put out of line – every guitar straight to-the-point with precious little distortion, every click-track drumline free of any ringing snares or loud cymbals and every vocal harmony symmetrically aligned with that soulless magic that makes bands like these so damn memorable and distinctive. In other words, it’s unmemorable fluff. No fun, no authenticity – just rubbish.
The saving grace of a lot of modern pop-punk bands is some kind of bite or integrity, or even a distinctive singer. No such luck for the Audition- Danny Stevens sounds like every other one of his contemporaries, except he doesn’t even sound happy to be there. Think Patrick Stump with absolutely no talent – and if you’re of the opinion that Stump already has no talent, then you can only imagine just how bad Stevens is. Even the lyrics have absolutely no substance – “I don’t ever want to fall in love again/Don’t wait for me, I’m no saint you see” is just a taster from the idiotically titled “Stand on Your Feet” (as opposed to what other part of your anatomy?). The attempt at a heart-felt ballad a la Anberlin on “Los Angeles” really does appear to be the only song on the record remotely close to being a decent listen…and this is only the case because it sounds so much like an Anberlin song.
Self-Titled Album is bad. Really bad. And it’s not just because it’s completely unoriginal and completely soulless music. It’s the fact that pop-punk, even the mediocre stuff, is supposed to be about fun and having a good time. This album not only has no energetic spark, it’s practically a cure for insomnia. Avoid at all costs – unless you still use MySpace regularly, only know one dance move in mosh pits (jumping up and down in time with the song), and are waiting for Pete Wentz to divorce Ashlee so that he will come and marry you instead.
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are these guys australian?
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American. Chicago, Illinois.
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oh okay, was just curious
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a) album title rules
b) approach the bench is an awesome song, i think that's by these guys
c) you should change balderdash to bullshit 
d) review ruled
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a) No it doesn't
b) Yep
c) No way
d) Cheers
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This was a great review. Album is such a disappointment, and I actually spent money on it. In my review for Champion, I predicted this band would get better with time, but they threw away any form of fun, funk, and musical ingenuity that they had before this album. They're melting away into the indistinguishable mesh of blase pop punk.
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By the way, you left out Sign. Steal. Deliver. It's style sticks out like a sore thumb on the album, and it's definitely better than Los Angeles.
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I agree with that you shouldnt read anything into press releases. On Josh Pykes website it says the album is about harpooning and fishing and stuff. Well, he apparently said but anyway, its a load of crap. If I read that I'd be hoping for some metuhl or something.
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Nah, I didn't like that track much at all - or any of them to be honest.
Thanks for checking it out, though. 'Ppreciated.
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I SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THJIS I'M NOTTTTTT
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I agree with that you shouldnt read anything into press releases. On Josh Pykes website it says the album is about harpooning and fishing and stuff. Well, he apparently said but anyway, its a load of crap.
What he actually said was that the title of his album, Chimney's Afire, was the call whalers made when they harpooned a whale. And the album does have nautical and maritime themes, so it's not entirely bullshit.
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Oh, ok. That does make sense and I guess it does have a bit of beachy theme but still, I would want a metuhl album. I think this shows how much research I do.
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Oh sup. Didn't pick you as the generic-crap type.
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Spectacular review, concise as can be. I really wanna listen to this to make myself angry, I hate everything that "pop-punk" has become. Shit, even blink 182 sucks.
| | | Album Rating: 2.0
Their last album wasn't even a 3.5, and it was better than this.
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mighty fine review, I'll make sure to not come near this. The few pop-punk acts I listened to a number of years ago did at least have the sense of fun, and that was about all that the music had to offer...
[...] the idiotically titled “Stand on Your Feet” (as opposed to what other part of your anatomy?) - Tenacious D beg to differ ;]
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Great review, and extra points for using the word Balderdash.
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Good review Mr. Young
I gave this album a brief listen and barely remember it already, but I'm pretty sure it sucked really badly.
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I'm not hence the rating
Actually, you did give Matchbox 20 a five, so I can't be all too surprised really.
Also, love to the rest of you kids.
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lol thanks papa.
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