Review Summary: Imagine if See You Next Tuesday and HeavyHeavyLowLow joined forces, then they decided to make the worst album ever. This is worse than that.
I am a huge horror movie buff. From the classics, to 80s slashes, to current day psychological thrillers; I like them all. I watch a lot of horror movies and enjoy most of them. As always, some of them are terrible. Some of them are so terrible, they are good. Films like, say, The Grudge 2. The Grudge 2 is my favorite horror movie ever. I saw it with friends and I was the only one who left happy. I didn’t enjoy it because it was scary, because it wasn’t. I didn’t enjoy it because it was captivating, because it wasn’t. And I certainly didn’t enjoy it because it was coherent, because it wasn’t anything even close to coherent. I enjoyed it because it was so bad. That leads me to Dr.Acula.
Dr.Acula is a Grindcore / Death Metal / Hardcore band, according to their myspace. They hail from Long Island, New York and are currently unsigned. There is a reason for that. Musically speaking, S.L.O.B. may be the worst album I have listened to in my entire life. The guitars are generic, the drums are simple, and the bass might as well not be there. The song titles are all taken from Goosebumps, and that just shouts “Respect us!”. The synths in this album are a selling point, but they sound like they were made on Fruity Loops, as they probably were. The vocals must be a joke. If not, they are literally the worst vocals I have ever heard. The death growls aren't brutal at all, the screams are grating, the "singing" is comical, and the pig squeals are... well, pig squeals.
My favorite song on this album, if you can call it that, is called “Shocker on Shock Street”. Coincidentally, that is my favorite Goosebumps book. The song starts with some fantastic lyrics… “*** you!! *** you!!” in an annoying, high-pitched yelp, followed by pig squeals. The drums on this song aren’t particularly special, as they are just double-kicks and some ride and splash symbols, with some snare thrown in for blast beats. The guitars are just recycled versions of riffs from previously in the album. The song fades out unexpectedly at the end. This ending is awkward, clunky, and ridiculous.
The other song on this album that I enjoy is Let’s Get Invisible. In this song, the vocalist must have been kidding. The singing is ridiculous and most of the lyrics are just gibberish.
“Let's get (moan, moan) invisible
the truth is we both have skeletons in our closets but your bones belong in a museum
you are an exhibit exhibit exhibit ahhedf23r423renfwenjfjqwnd
let's get (moan, moan) invisible fuwfuwufuwfuuuwwwww
let's get ***ED !”
The bass on this song is noticeable, which is nice. The guitars fit in well enough and the drums aren’t terrible. The vocals, though, take everything that was remotely good about this song and erase them completely.
The pros? Well, this album is great for a laugh. Sure, the vocals are garbage, the instruments have been done millions of times before, very rarely worse, and the synths are distracting; however, if you can appreciate the humor and over-the-topness of the music, you may even find this album relatively enjoyable. Kids at my high school love this album. Of course, that just proves them all as morons. This album is pure scene grindcore at it’s very worse, but at least its funny.
Pros…
Songs are named after Goosebumps books
The band name is a reference to Scrubs
It’s hilarious
Cons…
Terrible Vocals
Generic Instruments
Low-quality synths
They actually think they are good
Musically, this is an easy 1. For humor, it's a 1.5
