Review Summary: Clopping against the persecution and discrimination of bronies around the globe
The “My Little Pony” fandom has come up with some of the most varied, yet not exactly quality, expressions of entertainment out of any fandom based around cartoon horses that I’ve ever seen. After the re-recording of The Beatles “Abbey Road” with Pony lyricism, my expectations had no limits; then Whitehorse popped up on my feed. It claimed to be a bold blend of Harsh Noise and Power Electronics standing up for the harsh reality of enjoying the show and the trials and tribulations faced by its fans. Does it deliver on this promise? Yes; it most certainly does, minus the bold part.
Album opener and title track “Apple Seed” tells you everything you need to know about this album. There’s so much distortion that even Deafheaven would have an erection (granted, an unnatural four-hour erection achieved by being bitten by the Brazilian Wandering Spider, but my point still stands), and this doesn’t just apply to the music as well. The vocals are a distorted “anthem” of sorts, talking about how only apples are eaten and about travels in the land of Equestria. “Supersaw Hoover” doesn’t do any singing on the album, only talking behind distortion and some occasionally inaudible screeching that’s impossible to hear behind all the distortion. All the music composed by “3ternal” is nothing but poorly produced Harsh Noise with random blips of awkward distorted wobbles here, and there is absolutely no sense of direction, or intensity in the compositions. There are a few other moments in which experimentation is done, such as in the last track “End It” which is a recorded phone call with nothing behind it but random distorted 8-bit and the occasional neigh of what I can only assume is an incapacitated horse.
Long story short, creativity can sometimes be similar to having a shot of whiskey mixed with jet fuel; may seem like a bold idea at the time, but then you’re in the ER learning about how dialysis works. Stay far away from this EP, not even fans of the series would remotely enjoy it.
