Review Summary: Sometimes life hands you lemons and sometimes it hands you albums worthy of invisible orange cupping. This is one of the latter instances.
Ifing is a black metal duo from the United States of America and Against This Weald is their debut album. If you desire to learn more information about the band I am most positive that they have provided some form of biography somewhere on the interwebs to appease your inquisitive nature.
If this album was a vehicle it would be a vast nautical monstrosity skillfully crafted out of the sturdiest of old oaks and manned by a crew of immaculately bearded marauders, tattered yet not weakened by eons of morally-bereft pillaging quests on foreign shores.
If this album was a meal it would be a dashing dish of delicious delicacies forged in the finest oven capable of inducing the most orgasmic mélange of salty umami goodness frolicking in your froth. Like a juicy sirloin steak that you didn’t have to pay for because the restaurant failed to deliver it within the set amount of time reserved for in their special customer deal and we all know that the flavor of free is top.
If this album was a beverage it would be a sensational concoction of fermented berries mixed with juices also made from berries and various fruits and served in a cooled glass inducing that most wonderful level of intoxication where you have enough Dutch courage to hit on Sally without vomiting into her open purse and never hearing from her again.
If this album was a concept it would be the most fascinatingly mind-boggling of abstractions ever construed in the minds of sorcerers and men of science. Such as the thought experiment allowing for the theoretical possibility of women being of equal stature to that of men.
If this album was a person it would be Richard Nixon’s antithesis because that guy was a cunt of majestic proportions and there is nothing cuntish about this album.
If this album was a form of government it would be an absolute theocracy dedicated to itself.
If this album was a religion it would be justified.
If this album was your father you would not be the brony little self-deprecating pile of vile bile you are, but a citizen of utmost stature.
Get this album. It contains field recordings, synths, kvlt flvtes of trvth, various guitars, bass and drums. It will borrow just 35 minutes of your time and give back tenfold in aural pleasure.
