Jockstrap I Love You Jennifer B
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Slex
October 12th 2022


16562 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Here, here, here we go!



So they're finally here, performing for you,

If you know the words, you can join in too,

Put your hands together, if you want to clap,

As we take you through, this monkey rap!



Huh!

D.K., Donkey Kong!!



He's the leader of the bunch, you know him well,

He's finally back to kick some tail,

His Coconut Gun can fire in spurts,

If he shoots ya, it's gonna hurt,

He's bigger, faster, and stronger too,

He's the first member of the D.K. crew!



Huh!

D.K., Donkey Kong!

D.K., Donkey Kong is here!



This Kong's got style, so listen up dudes,

She can shrink in size, to suit her mood,

She's quick and nimble when she needs to be,

She can float through the air and climb up trees!

If you choose her, you'll not choose wrong,

With a skip and a hop, she's one cool Kong!



Huh!

D.K., Donkey Kong!



He has no style, he has no grace,

Th-th-th-this Kong has a funny face,

He can handstand when he needs to,

And stretch his arms out, just for you,

Inflate himself just like a balloon,

This crazy Kong just digs this tune!



Huh!

D.K., Donkey Kong!

D.K., Donkey Kong is here!



He's back again and about time too,

And this time he's in the mood,

He can fly real high with his jetpack on,

With his pistols out, he's one tough Kong!

He'll make you smile when he plays his tune,

But Kremlings beware 'cause he's after you!



Huh!

D.K., Donkey Kong!

Huh!



Finally, he's here for you,

It's the last member of the D.K. crew!

This Kong's so strong, it isn't funny,

Can make a Kremling cry out for mummy,

Can pick up a boulder with relative ease,

Makes crushing rocks seem such a breeze,

He may move slow, he can't jump high,

But this Kong's one hell* of a guy! (*Replaced with "heck" in later versions of the song.)



Huh!

C'mon Cranky, take it to the fridge!



W-w-w-walnuts. peanuts. pineapple smells.

Grapes. melons. oranges and coconut shells!

Ahh yeah!

Walnuts, peanuts, pineapple smells,

Grapes, melons, oranges and coconut shells!

Ahh yeah!

AmericanFlagAsh
October 12th 2022


13288 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5 | Sound Off

"prompting people to form opinions, prompting them to explore a work they might not have heard otherwise, or encouraging them to express themselves about things they might not have done otherwise?"



You know how to write well and convince people to go into listening to an album with a specific mindset. They form opinions before even hearing it. Sure, that's their fault, not yours, but when you take a well written positive review by a non staffer and replace it with a negative review by a staffer, that's what happens.

Slex
October 12th 2022


16562 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Being serious for a sec, staff reviews will always take precedent, and Johnny has earned that right just as any other staff reviewer has



Anyways peepee poopoo

AmericanFlagAsh
October 12th 2022


13288 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5 | Sound Off

Right, I agree Johnny is a great writer, but tends to always rate albums a point or more below what the average is



It's just strange to see a default review with such a negative rating and than an average 1.5 points more than it

AmericanFlagAsh
October 12th 2022


13288 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5 | Sound Off

I said rate, not review, but sure



Like if I go through your 2.5 and below ratings, I guarantee most would be below average by a point or more

markjamie
October 12th 2022


706 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

The great thing about Sputnik is that it allows people to express differing views and opinions about albums in depth. I don't see anyone saying anything different.

but...

Imagine someone reading the reviews on Metacritic for this album and seeing there are 14 reviews, and 13 of them give the score 80+, and the 14th - Sputnik - gives it 40%. So the person thinks, "Interesting. I wonder why they didn't like it over at Sputnik?" So they click the link and come here. They see the 3.5 rating, and the consensus of "great", and wonder why the score is 40%. Then they figure out that Sputnik's score is not the product of any kind of site consensus, but by one single reviewer's opinion that is out of step with the site as a whole.

Can't some of you see any credibility issue with that?

It's not about silencing anyone. I love reading controversial and different takes. I'm one of the five people in the world who can't stand Radiohead and would rate OK Computer somewhere around the 2.0 mark, but I'm just saying it might be worth re-considering the process as to which staff member writes the review that represents the site externally for any given album.

"Holy fuck shut up"

Fair enough... I've said what I wanted to and you can all tear my outlier opinion apart now 🙂

mynameischan
Staff Reviewer
October 12th 2022


2406 Comments


That’s how reviews work lol. This isn’t the New York Times editorial board (thank god)

markjamie
October 12th 2022


706 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

Is it though? You don't think, say... Pitchfork have some kind of process to avoid one contrary reviewer representing their official site score by giving a Muse album 9.5 or Kendrick a 2.4?

I'll shut up now.

mynameischan
Staff Reviewer
October 12th 2022


2406 Comments


Yes pitchfork notoriously has editorialized scores over reviews that sometimes read more positively or negatively and it’s stupid. Anyway what you’re proposing is waiting until a “consensus” is reached and then posting a review based on that which is just silly. What if there wasn’t a second review of this album? Should johnnys be deleted because it doesn’t match the overall rating?

YoYoMancuso
Staff Reviewer
October 12th 2022


18861 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

I listened to this before Johnny's review and still rated it below the average. Users of this site form their own opinions on what they listen to, they aren't mindless drones who will just agree with everything a staff writer says

Slex
October 12th 2022


16562 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

I will chime in and say also that saying "this is more well-received in other places" as a gotcha is silly because uh yes that is how the world works, opinions differ

AlexKzillion
January 26th 2023


17192 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

sput got this one wrong -_-

JohnnyoftheWell
Staff Reviewer
January 26th 2023


60384 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

average rating is still miles too high agreed

GhandhiLion
January 26th 2023


17643 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Woah what is this?

GhandhiLion
January 26th 2023


17643 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Black country new glitch

JohnnyoftheWell
Staff Reviewer
January 26th 2023


60384 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

the kind of album i would immediately leap on if i had an agenda to prove that glitch pop was a fake genre ;]

GhandhiLion
January 26th 2023


17643 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Pretty easy to prove tbh. The initial glitch pop definition is different to the current one and both of them are different to the one used in the sources.



https://youtu.be/r7l0Rq9E8MY



JohnnyoftheWell
Staff Reviewer
January 26th 2023


60384 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

all that proves is that it's been redefined and incorrectly referenced by people who dunno what they're talking about hehe

to which end... mmmyes

or maybe it's just in its 2nd/3rd wave emo phase

GhandhiLion
January 26th 2023


17643 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

anyway we stan Madonna Don't Tell Me. Glitch pop queen

GhandhiLion
January 26th 2023


17643 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

also lol I'm gonna check this



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