Review Summary: Howl at the MOOOOOoooon
In 2011, five years after a brutal outbreak of mad cow disease tragically claimed the life of Rosie O’Donnell, a group of musicians got together to record an album in tribute – popular cow balladeer Moo Reed, and even more popular cow mariachi band Meat-allica.
At the time Meat-allica was composed of:
James Heifer – lead mooing and rhythm harpsichord
Cows Ulrich – drums, tinkles, swints, findigs etc.
Robert “La Vaca” Trujillo – bass, crumpets, pumbles, morbs and such
Kirk Hereford (look it up, it makes cow sense) – lead harpsichord, platinum member of the Perm of the Month club.
The album was understandably an experimental and misunderstood event, and so no record studio agreed to finance it. It was therefore sponsored by the Bovine Unilateral League of Geriatric Ecclesiastics (otherwise known as BULGE). The album’s cover of a bored, armless mannequin was a powerful metaphor for the sad state of cow affairs in this once-great country, as of course, cows tend to look bored and lack arms.
Lulu doesn’t wait around to get into the heart and udder of things. The opener Brandenburg Gate jumps right into the hottest and most pressing cow issues of today. Brandenburg Gate, as we all know, was a colloquial name for the scandal that took place in Germany in the 60’s, when it was found out that Richard Nixon and the CIA (Cow Infiltration Association) had been taping, filming and compiling files on many cows.
The View continues shedding light on tragedy, since the hostesses of The View were many of the victims claimed during the mad cow disease outbreak.
From there, Lulu runs from one bovid topic to another. Slaughterhouses (Pumping Blood), bulls with wandering eyes (Cheat on Me), the second season of Game of Thrones (Dragon), obscure Starbucks coffee flavors (Iced Honey) and the predator perils of cows standing out in an open field all day (Little Dog).
Upon release, Lulu received a special commendation from BULGE for not using a single cowbell in recording, since cowbells are considered to be derogatory remnants of colonialism in the cow world.
Yet the album had a polarizing effect on society. Some said it was a masterpiece of social commentary that stirred much-needed discourse in our commoonities. Udders said that ‘this whole thing’ had gone too far. The disagreement finally came to a head during a televised Senate meeting, where a representative for the Anti-Cow Front insensitively yelled “Why are you Beefing?” into a microphone, causing race riots that resulted in mass civilian death. We all still remember where we were when news of those riots broke out. Cows stampeding through the streets, impaling innocent passersby. Little-known band Deftones were even compelled to write an album about it, titled Gore.
The artists’ decision to record such a controversial album took a toll on them. Moo Reed went into hiding into a textile underground, and Meat-allica were even called “Some Kind of Monster,” eventually hoofing it out of town.
In the end, Lulu remains a divisive force. While it may never reach the classic status of such cow staples as Bulls on Parade or Milk Cow Blues, it did receive a much warmer reception in India, where popular music critic Kamadhenu (also makes sense, look it up) gave it five lamb curries out of five.
