Review Summary: Sanchez is sexy.
This is one of if not the greatest albums of all time. Go ahead neg away disagree with me but let's sit down and chat for a sec k. I'm about to get down to some business of reviewing my favorite album of all time. This is the album that stole Sing the Sorrows crown. Read on and find out why.
Claudio Sanchez is sexy. He's a big chubby ball of love. You know what is also sexy? The bass on Neverender. It's phenomenal. The trade off between chunky power chords and squeaky minor chords is also very well executed. The most distinguishable thing about Coheed is the vocalist, yes Claudio Mother ***ing Sanchez. His voice is in it's most pristine state on this album. It soars beautifully high when he shrieks. "the one that grabs at your ankels!" it's enough to send a chill down the ugliest brutes spine. Oh and Claudio Sanchez is just about having a high pitched gorgeous voice it's also about being brilliant. Check this out.
"In savouring sleep, what do you mean I toss and turn everywhere?
I'll miss you when you're gone in pretending that you meant the world to me
With that you'd call me a liar and in the making mistakes you'll rest
incomplete."
Now you look me in my dragonfly and tell me that isn't freaking brilliant. Couldn't do it? Didn't think so. But back to the review. The pig squeal at the beginning of "Hearshot Kid Disaster" is as frightening as it is out of place (but not unwanted) and complete opposite of what comes next. I can try but I can't truly tell you how pretty this guys voice is, you just gotta soak in it like a bath of Claudios very sweat. He shrieks like a wounded yeti and then turns right around and sings like an innocent schoolgirl. Oh and I forgot what was backing his mammoth effort. The guitars are excitedly squeaky throughout and the bass is so consistently grand it makes you wish other bands would take a leaf out of Todd's book. The drumming, while a little on the simple side fits the music so perfectly you'll wonder why people complain so much. It's just so easy to get lost in the guitar work most notable on "Devil In Jersey City". Also on the track it sounds like someones throwing up in the background. Kinda weird considering "Devil" is one the more poppy tracks but it's all good, I clean up Claudio's throw up any day.
Oh dear God I'm not even halfway through. Dammit listen to this album. "God Send Conspirator" is so good it's not even funny. The bass again kills and the guitar has a more laid back feel throughout. Claudio again fuels my man crush with that damn sexy voice! Basically his voice reaches to the farthest of heavens and tastes an angels vagina, that's how good his voice is. Also the track is about me because my ex girlfriend was named Mariah and she moved away but she's coming back in May and we're probably going to hook up again. Are you calling me a liar?!?!?!?!!
"Dear Mariah, the world's not big enough for the both of us when we live in the
same town, that's wrong.
Fight on fire fight on fire I burn my hands ‘till I got nothing left to count
my numbers on that's wrong, What's wrong?"
Before she gets out here I have to get rid of another exes initial on my hand. I might burn it idk but you see the connection. "33" has the best opening guitar riff ever, it sounds frantic and if you've read the Armory Wars you get it. The drumming gets splashy on this one but does throw in some cool fills. Don't wanna completely ignore the drummer. In a way you'd think Claudio's brilliance/sexiness would take a lot away from the band but he's uniquely sexy, much like Davey Havok he makes other people around him look good but not too good cause then one of the members might think he's good enough to leave the band. Where's there old drummer at now? Who knows? Who cares? But enough of my dabbling lets get to the bad parts of the album.
And there are none. In fact I'm going to dedicate this area of my review to the explicit awesomeness of "Elf Tower New Mexico" a B-side which any Coheed fan knows and everyone else needs to get. Right MEOW!, I'm serious. He sounds like a frightened school girl in the best way imaginable. If you ever need to get over a breakup check this out.
"Staile, killed in defense.
I can't believe I told you right after,
I've given you up, go on find someone new.
Till then pretend, you've touched me for your last,
I've given you up, go on find someone new."
His voice is so passionate, to be honest I cried to this song because even though I am an 18 year old male Claudio Sanchez's voice make my eyes tear up like the little whimpering bitch that I am. Here's why.
"Dear God,
Before I heard, this is your intention, for I
I could've figured out, over and over.
See there's Coheed, and then Cambria in innocent merger.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
Thank God they recovered your body in New Mexico.
Three days.
I'm spoiled.
I miss you in everyway.
You could have been dear, I wish you were here, still in the frame."
This song holds a lot of meaning because my mother died in New Mexico before I was old enough to remember. She'd be proud of me for a lot of reasons, I know she'd expect me to write something like this, she'd think it was hilarious but she'd be just as angry for other things. I'll have to deal with her when I see her in heaven now won't I. Anyway this album is ***ing epic. In all honesty if Claudio Sanchez ever dropped any food article on his clothing or on his bear chest for that matter I would gladly lick it off because this is a ***ing brilliant album and I'm a true Coheed fan.
