Review Summary: Banality and irony plague Limp Bizkit's fourth release....not that that's any different from their other albums.
It's a Monday afternoon and I'm at my local library, sifting through the CD racks to see whats readily available for my hungry ears. After a few minutes of finding nothing worthy enough for my attention, I was just about ready to leave, disappointment starting to rise within me. But what's this? Out of the corner of my eye, an unmarked CD case comes within my view. I quickly reach for it, and my heart sank. A copy of Results May Vary rests in my hands, the front cover cracked to hell, and instead of hinges, scotch tape takes it's place, making the task of opening it a difficult one. I have heard horrendous things about this album, obscene as a matter of fact, so my hesitation grew stronger by the second. Then I think to myself, "Hey, your an open-minded listener. Critics have been wrong before, and maybe, just maybe, they're wrong on this one". So, I took a chance, placing the disc on the check out counter, grabbed my receipt , and left.
Upon leaving the comforts of the library, I place the CD into my Sony Walkman whilst walking down the street on a cool, summer afternoon, birds singing in the distance, children laughing and cheering in the playground across the street. Ahh, sweet, sweet serenity. And then the album starts playing.
It actually begins promisingly enough, the single "Eat you Alive" comes at you like a battering ram at full force, mashing your face into the ground until it turns into red applesauce. "Hmm," I think to myself, "this actually sounds pretty listenable.". But then midway through the song, it takes a left turn, transforming from metal to...a ballad? Surely Fred Durst, a man who resembled an "in your face" and "I'm so tough" attitude, was pulling a prank, and an unfunny one at that. "I'm sorry, so sorry" he whines, guitars droning in the background as he adds "I just wanna look at you all day. There ain't nothin' wrong with that". Has Fred Durst gone all emotional on us all of a sudden? But I shrug it off, and listen onwards.
As I'm listening more and more, It's clear to me that Freddy doesn't understand the meaning of irony. One song has him screaming in your eardrums, rapping that messing with him will result in a situation where "Your face will be where your shoelaces are at", then a alternative rock ballad follows shortly after, whining that he's a man with feelings, and that nobody understands him. Seriously? Surely he jests. Either that, or he has an extremely short attention span as tracks like "Lonely World" and "Almost Over", where he complains that fame and constant partying has left him all alone and that he was picked on as a little kid, seem almost laughable after hearing him insult you numerous times on other tracks.
But it's not the lyrics that make or break an album, right? Yes, Durst's lyrics are shocking in their banality and illiteracy, but the songwriting is obviously the meat of the sandwich. Unfortunately, the only talented member of the band, Wes Borland, left shorty after Chocolate Starfish, leaving the future of Limp Bizkit in Fred's hands. After listening to the album in it's entirety, it's obvious that any member of the band, let alone Durst, aren't even capable of writing ANY songs with replay value or merit. "Head for the Barricade" is a fine example of this, consisting of horrible time signatures and mind numbingly bad performances that would make N*SYNC puke.
I had had enough. I took it back within the same hour I got it, throwing it into the return bin and hoping that it never be brought into the hands f any poor soul that comes across it. I.Q. dropping lyrics, horrible songwriting, everything that could possibly go wrong on an album went wrong on this one. 3 long years were spent on the follow-up to Starfish, countless albums were recorded and canned, and THIS is the one they settled on? Jesus.
