Review Summary: This album is like eating live chipmunks... no fun for you, no fun for the chipmunks.
Simple Plan
No Pads, No Helmets... Just Balls
Who hasn't heard of Simple Plan? The 5-man Canadian pop-punk band (w)as popular for quite a while; now, not so much. But that's beside the point. This album was Simple Plan's debut and it skyrocketed them to stardom for reasons I can't even begin to fathom. Well, actually, I
can try: they were energetic, fun (for some people) to listen too, and just cotton candy music. And most 'haters' of the band say, for the most part, the exact opposite: they are boring garbage, terrible musically, and just cotton candy music.
Anyway, this album is just plain awful. From the title to the music to the lyrics, this is just a bad, bad album. There are a couple of bright spots here and there, but they are diamonds in the rough. Pierre's (the leader singer) voice is just annoying, and there are power chords aplenty. All of the songs on this album seem to revolve around breaking up, being annoyed at something or someone, or feeling sorry for themselves. If that sounds appealing to you, then you should either buy this album, or get your brain checked for hemorrages; preferably both.
But why is this band so bad, you say. Surely they can't be as bad as giving birth, having your feet stapled to a piece of cardboard, and watching the '
The Brady Bunch Veriety Hour' all the same time. But yes, I assure you, it's as bad as that. Here's a quick breakdown of why this album is so awful:
5) The lyrics. For god's sake, '
You don't / You don't / You don't / You don't / You don't mean anything to me / You don't / You don't / You don't / You don't / You don't / mean anything to me / You're what I never wanna be.'
4) The lack of guitar solos. Isn't there a better method of breakdown then getting slower? Let's see some guitar, bass, drum solos... whatever! Some variety would be nice. Which leads me to my next point...
3) All the songs sound exactly the same. The ballads are terrible, and the rest of the whiny-as-mice-sounding songs aren't much better. They can pretty much be sorted into two categories: pop-punk happy-go-lucky songs, and lame ballads.
2) Inaudible bass. This is self-explanatory. Seriously, the bass on this album (like most other albums of this genre) is as good as not there (besides a select few songs, where it at least gets some recogniton).
1) Pierre's voice. The only song in which it sounds REMOTELY good is 'You Don't Mean Anything'. It's insanely annoying- high and ridicoulously AGH.
Well, now that that's out of the way, let's get down to the actual songs. They are every bit as unpleasant as I have made it sounds so far, so you're in for a rough ride if you plan to listen to this whole album. So first up, we have:
1)
I'd Do Anything
The best song on the album. I have to admit that the drums and guitar do match up well here. I like the off-beat drumming- the break down with Mark Hoppus is also well-done. This is really the only song on the album worth hearing.
2)
The Worst Day Ever
Just looking at the title, you know this is gonna be bad- and it doesn't disappoint. Pierre has to wake up early; poor you. Other annoying points about this track is the inaudible bass (even more so then usual).
3)
You Don't Mean Anything
Woah- didn't I just hear this song? A quick check at the CD player says that this really is track 3. Anyway, this song has an interesting high-to-low thing on Pierre's voice that, even I have to admit, is pretty catching. But this song wrecks it with a lame effect on Pierre's voice. Then it goes into an itneresting slow part- but then it shoots itself in the foot again with a redeux of the chorus.
4)
I'm Just A Kid
This song feels like a combination of the last two songs. The chorus is pretty bland, and the slow verses aren't helping the track at all. The breakdown is bad, but the harmonics afterwards are an interesting addition.
5)
When I'm With You
Another crash cymbal beat and another power-chord progression make this song one of the most bland on the album. There is absolutely nothing new here, besides the sliding beore the choruses. Even the title is bland.
6)
Meet You There
Oh crap... a slow song. Well, at least there's
finally something differnet happening here. Pierre's voice is so annoying here. Don't they have a backup singer who can sing once in a while? This song is one of the logner songs on the album and, wait... what is that? A guitar solo?! Well, kind of, it's mostly just high-pitched notes for 5-10 seconds. Then comes a part with only a piano and Peirres' voice, and back to the chorus.
7)
Addicted
I know this song was a single- I'm not sure if it was the first single of this album or not. A good thing about this track is that you can actually hear the bass. Also, t... what? Did Pierre just say "I'm a dick, I'm addicted to you." What a sly beast. The line of "HEARTBREAKER!!!" reminds of DragonForce. The guitar breakdown is okay, but this song follows the same structure as the other songs on the album.
8)
My Alien
This song sounds like it's going to be somewaht different, but then it gets same-old, same-old again. Woah, a backup singer is actually audible on this song and is a nice touch. This is one of the better songs on the album.
9)
God Must Hate Me
I dunno about God, but I sure hate your band. Anyways, the bass is audible on this song again- similar to 'Addicted' (only in the verses. Woah, was that an f-bomb in the chorus? I doubt it, but anyways... there is about a 2-second guitar solo on this song. This is an okay song, overall.
10)
I Won't Be There
The guitar effect is interesting on this song, but then comes another boring crash cymbal beat. Okay, now the drum, bass, and vocal verses are losing there originality. This is a boring song- my finger is appoaching the skip button...
11)
One Day
A palatable track... so far. The verses are good but then they go and wreck it with bad choruses. Also the fact that this song follows the same structure as the other songs on the album is an annoyance. Stop using 'Verse/Chorus/Verse/Chorus/Breakdown/Chorus with added affects' structure!
12)
Perfect
The longest-song on the album. This is an odd ballad- the vocals on the song actually aren't bad for a change. The loud power chords at the beginning should have been omitted and saved for the big buildup towards the end. Well, this is one of the better songs on the album, because it at least tries to be different.
So, that's the album. Almost all of the songs follow the exact same structure, are boring, and have no payoff. The positive points of the album are few and far between, but include the opening track, and (to a lesser extent) the closing track. Most of everything in between there is a waste of time. Simple Plan is an extremely predictable and unnoteworthy band. I wouldn't recommend this album to anybody, except my worst enemies. So, when you see this record in a bargain bin at a music store remember this: this record is a waste of time that you shouldn't spend your money on, unless you're looking for something to smash.
