Customer: Those books, how much?
Bernard: Hmm?
Customer: Those books. Leather-bound ones.
Bernard: Yes, Dickens. The collective works of Charles Dickens.
Customer: They real leather?
Bernard: They're real Dickens.
Customer: I have to know if they're real leather because they have to go with a sofa. Everything else in my house is real. I'll give you two hundred for them.
Bernard: Two hundred what?
Customer: Two hundred pounds...
Bernard: Are they leather-bound pounds?
Customer: No...
Bernard: Sorry, I need leather-bound pounds to go with my wallet. Next!

if you live in a council flat...by a river...and are blind WHAT

Now I have piled all my socks, back to my tax!

What is your mothers name: WHAT? MA! MA... possibly deceased

Album Rating: 2.5

Ok, the "leather bound pounds" gag got a laugh out of me.

Just watch it Davey.

it's all in the delivery man just buy them all please

who is this man and why does he have 166 comments

He doesn't deserve it thats for sure, just another one of Davey's reviews where we talk about everything, except about the music.

He was last years Aussie Idol winner

Album Rating: 2.5

"who is this man and why does he have 166 comments"



I am DaveyBoy & I... Oh, you were talking about Wes Carr. Yeah, Idol winners have all got their fangirls and as you can tell, Dougie is clearly one of them!

YOU CAN TAKE WHAT I GOT CAUSE I DONT GOT NOTHING WORTH HAVING IF I AINT GOT YOU

Album Rating: 2.5

It's not very good grammar, is it? It seemed that teaching people how to speak properly was not part of the Idol process.

Trust you to point that out.

Bernard: Manny! Manny! Manny Manny Manny Manny.
Manny: Will you stop shouting at me.
Bernard: Sorry. Where's the cork- your hair looks amazing. Where's the corkscrew?
Manny: I don't know. I don't know where anything is. Have you been back there recently? It's like Dresden.
Bernard: The place isn't that bad.
Manny: It is that bad. For one thing, didn't you have a cat?
Bernard: Oh yeah! Where'd he go?
Manny: I found him.
Bernard: Really? Brilliant!
Manny: No. No. You... don't want to see him... (clutches his leg) Ooh ow! Ow!
Bernard: What's up with you.
Manny: It's brought on my cramp. I get a terrible cramp when I'm stressed.
Bernard: Well don't be stressed. Why are you stressed?
Manny: Because I opened the fridge door, there's shin bandages next to the cheese.
Bernard: That's just a little...
Manny: There's jam in the bath!
Bernard: Oh come on!
Manny: You're a filth wizard. Friend only to the pig and the rat. Look, look! (opens a box with pizza in it)
Bernard: Pizza! I was going to warm it and eat it later! Everybody does that! It's normal. You are looking for things to complain about.
Manny: And what are these? (points inside the pizza box)
Bernard: Wasps.

IM A PROSTITUTE ROBOT FROM THE FUTURE!

Watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voB5ZknmNRw

Jehovah's Witness 1: Hello, we were wondering if we could talk to you about Jesus.
Bernard: (desperate to avoid doing his tax return) Great! Come in!
Jehovah's Witness 1: What?
Bernard: I'd love to hear about Jesus! What's he up to now? Come on in, come on!
Jehovah's Witness 1: Are... are you sure?
Bernard: Yes! In! In! Come in!
Jehovah's Witness 2: It's a trick!
Jehovah's Witness 1: No... it's just... usually, people don't say yes.
Bernard: Well I'm not people! Come on in! Let's talk beliefs! Come in, come in. Grab a pew. Right, let's go.
Jehovah's Witness 1: Well, to be honest, we've never actually thought this far ahead.

Album Rating: 2.5

Man, it seems like I'm the only person left on this Earth (or at least Sputnik) that hasn't seen this show.



LOL at Jehovah's not thinking that far ahead.

Manny: Ah. There you are. Time for my results?
Doctor: Well it's rather bad news I'm afraid, Mr Bianco. The Little Book Of Calm is lodged between the small intestine and the pancreas. If it rotates a centimetre or two to the left, you'll be dead in seconds.
Manny: Oh my god.
Doctor: No no no that's just the worst-case scenario. The other possibility, and this is far more likely, is that The Little Book Of Calm will move to the right, into the renal canal. If this happens, you could live for anything up to ten years, one year, who knows.
Manny: Oh my god.
Doctor: Because of the massive amount of scarring caused by The Little Book Of Calm however, it is possible that you'll be in a massive amount of pain.
Manny: Oh my god.
Doctor: (his pager beeps) Sorry about this, I'll have to go. Um we'll operate tomorrow, see if there's anything we can do about it. There's a good chance you'll survive. A 30% chance, I'd say, so try not to worry. As the book itself says (looks at x-ray) umm, "whenever you're in a tight spot, try to imagine yourself marooned on a beautiful desert island".

the doctor played amiably by martin freeman

Album Rating: 2.5

My review has been well & truly hijacked. I blame the Idol franchise.

i blame alligator