Album Rating: 4.5

with a little help from my friends whips. even growing up it seemed like a fake song but it's fucking lit

Album Rating: 4.0

yeah it's a classic

when it's actually not really his own sound?
lmfao deeply slippery slope to go down with the Beatles

Johnny have you ever considered comedy as a career

Album Rating: 4.0

lol nol I guess you don't know the lore of johnny and the comedy clubs

i must

he’s whitty hateful and easy to laugh at it’s the perfect combo

have spent enough time around comedians not to touch that path with a bargepole yes
you're also leaving out that half the skill in any interactive stand-up set is to pick out the right set of idiots and give them enough reasons to keep talking

Album Rating: 4.5

Wait what

Album Rating: 4.0

there was a brief period in time where johnny would unironically use the fact that he works in comedy clubs to bolster his credibility in arguments by virtue of giving him a better understanding of things like irony and wit. he did it like 3 times in a week and then stopped, not sure what happened

“is to pick out the right set of idiots and give them enough reasons to keep talking”

You’re doing that currently so

Album Rating: 4.5

I went to my friend Ryan's acoustic guitar concert in brooklyn and I walked in a half hour early and these dudes were doing absolutely terrible comedy and I was like man this sucks I could do better and I wrote a few jokes down on my phone and after the comedy show but before the acoustic show I was like "hey man barista you mind if I tell a few jokes" and I ended up doing it then for maybe 10 minutes and then another 10 between a pair of sets



then two nights ago I did my first real open mic and then last night I did another one



colton do you want to read my jokes theyre long who wants to ummmmmm read my jokes theyre long though...

Album Rating: 4.0

yes i do actually

but it’s all in jest if you talked on stage the way you talk on sputnik in a club with alcohol involved, I’d fear for your safety

i got hired as a technician for understanding how certain parts of venue tech work and i survived working with comedians by understanding how comedy works within the minds of comedians yes

Album Rating: 4.0

no he just works on the audio and shit lol he doesn't do stand up

Album Rating: 4.0

'there was a brief period in time where johnny would unironically use the fact that he works in comedy clubs to bolster his credibility in arguments by virtue of giving him a better understanding of things like irony and wit. he did it like 3 times in a week and then stopped, not sure what happened'





hhahaha yeah, gives me 'my dads a teacher vibes'

Album Rating: 4.5

ok so ahem this next set is dedicated to the beatles' sgt pepper album from 1967 how we doin out there folks

Album Rating: 4.5

My name is Alex. Im new to this. I’m a high school teacher, I’m an English teacher. I tend to define my life in terms of media, like books, but also like music and paintings and especially movies. Luckily I was recently able to boil down my entire range of emotions to just two 10-second clips of media. The first one applies to when something good is happening to me and it’s a clip from the first ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS reboot, the first CGI movie, and it has the comedian David Cross as the evil record label ceo villain guy and some guy, some underling comes in his office and says something like “sir, they’re chipmunks but they sing, too!” and David cross whips around and is like “what?! that’s perfect! PERFECT!!!” and so that’s what I see flash infinitely before my mind’s eye whenever life seems like it’s going my way.



The second clip is from the end of the movie Schindler’s list [sad face], and it’s when Liam Neeson is upset he didn’t save more Jews… or something? I don’t know what he’s so upset about. SO many people saved ZERO Jews during World War II. A lot of people saved negative Jews! But anyways Liam neeson is upset about whatever and says “I could have gotten more!!”, and unlike “THAT’S PERFECT!!” [exaggeratedly loud and abrupt] which applies generally to the good moods that occupy hopefully 50% of my brain, this one has a particular context that occupies the other 50% of my brain, which is sports betting. and it’s when you WIN the bet that you see Liam Neeson saying “I could have gotten more!!” flash before your eyes. It’s when you WIN the bet. So that whenever I bet like $1 on some crazy five-leg parlay and net $18, it’s Oskar Schindler all the way down for me: I could have gotten WAY more.—dude Spielberg is a legend. Fabelmans blew my mind bro. No, no…I’ve only seen E.T….

good please don’t actually do stand-up, you will be murdered and I’d be sad