ok so my thoughts on what can be improved upon (as requested by you):
1) sentence flow - there are many sentences that, while understandable, could use better wording
2) length - not necessarily a problem itself, but you seem to repeat yourself quite a few times. There's no need to say something that can be said in one sentence, in 3 sentences ;). Also, conscise reviews are often better to read and are favored by quite many members of the community. There's nothing wrong wtih long reviews, but you gotta make sure you don't repeat yourself and that you don't sound stagnant.
3) run-on sentences - you've got quite many. This is something you'll definitely improve upon when writing more, since it takes some experience to fully "feel" when it's fitting to end your sentence.
4) read your writing out loud, when you've finished writing. Again, there are some sentences here in which I can see what you're trying to say, but you're expressing yourself in a rather awkward manner.
Still, this is a very solid first review. You've got good descriptions and have writtena very detailed overview about an album; a one that really gives me an idea what this would sound like. Good job on your first, and keep writing - you'll get better with each review, I promise.
|
Album Rating: 4.5
Muha, I considered writing that but I chose not to as it may have sounded weird on my first review. It is deathcore for me, just different deathcore than all the generic stuff, fresh sounding.
|
