Album Rating: 5.0

It’s snowing today. Where I live, it tends to snow a lot, but today is the most it’s snowed in the past 4 years, probably at least 8 inches with a few more coming. My mom called earlier to make sure I was holding up ok- she is incredibly sweet and thoughtful. I miss living closer to her and my dad, but if I spend more than a couple days staying with them I start to become overwhelmed with anxiety. That house harbors a lot of dreadful emotions for me and living in a different state is for the best, I think.



My psychiatrist says we’re always starting and ending cycles, no matter how benign our everyday lives may start to feel. He’s a really neat guy, but I can’t shake the feeling that we process the world much differently. I’m almost three months sober from weed and he’s largely to thank for that, though. I really enjoy the metaphors and musings he throws my way, I feel like they help me conceptualize ideas a lot easier.



Most people say you stop missing smoking after a month or so, but that hasn’t really happened yet for me. One of the few losers that somehow got addicted to it, I guess, though it wasn’t so much the substance I was addicted to as escaping my day to day thoughts and feelings. I gave up drinking too, just to be safe. Didn’t wanna end up with a bigger problem than I started with. I never had a problem with drinking, as it were, but other people had a problem with me drinking. For some reason that always makes people laugh, but I don’t mean for it to be funny; alcohol had a way of making me the loudest person in any room, at best, and at worst, very easy to anger.



Today I decided to listen to this record. I don’t really know why, but I did. It’s one of the few records I know that can effortlessly devastate me. It reminds me, most immediately, of things ending. Death has always scared me, from the time I was little to now, at 30. It’s inescapable, truth be told, but that has never helped me be more accepting of it. I often wonder if I’m wasting my time on this earth, if when I die I’ll feel I accomplished anything of meaning. I hope I do, but I suppose it won’t matter once it’s over.



Sorry to word vomit on this page, truly. I just haven’t seen anyone in a couple days and am starting to feel isolated and alone with my thoughts. I hope that if anyone reading this feels anything similar that they can now feel less alone, at least. This site has always made me feel less alone, and I will be incredibly sad once it, too, ends.