Album Rating: 3.0
Racoons require a gun I think
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If you are unfortunate enough to become the raccoons personal scratching post before you can boot it in the face make sure to stay upright so it is difficult for it to get to your throat and stomach etc. If it mounts your back, jump backwards and body slam it. The raccoon will break your fall and suffer insta paralysis.
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If it tries to climb your front, bury ur chin against ur chest to protec yo neck, then get ready to get fucked up and have your arms shredded to bits while you go for its throat. Grab it and throttle it until it dies, and then go to the hospital to get your shredded arms cauterized
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If you can manage to get it by the scruff of the neck ur gold. Hold it away from ur body by the scruff, full arms reach, and punch it directly in the nose. Its eyes will water up and it wont be able to see ur next move, which should be to gain momentum by whirlwind spinning him and releasing in the direction of the nearest hard surface.
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Hopefully the impact will knock some sense into him and send him packin
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i forgot to mention i own one frying pan and will wield this in our bout
i am ready to die for figs
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he also only shows up late at night when i am usually inebriated so minus roughly 6 dexterity points for me.... oh but + many courage points ???
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A frying pan will certainly tip the scales in ur favor.
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Being drunk is helpful for larger animals so that ur more relaxed and able to wriggle out from their clutches if they gain the upper-claw.
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If you are taking on a medium to large pet dog for instance I recommend being very drunk
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noted
this plan is really coming to fruition
if the quality of my writing starts to decompensate it means either i have rabies or am precipitously losing blood and will soon be dead
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Album Rating: 4.0
"Fuck how many more years til u forgive me"
probably never ♥
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domesticated dogs are high risk/high reward because you have one shot and a very slim window to perform a KO
you have to square up and wait for them to charge. a large dog will go for your throat while a smaller dog will go for your stomach or genitals. for a large dog wait for it to leap and reach maximum altitude, crush its windpipe with a swift blow to the throat, side-step, grab, and roll into a sleeper hold with you on top of its back. take your other hand, insert your fingers into the dogs nostrils and pull upwards. maintain this position until the dog is unconscious from oxygen deprivation.
if you miss your window you will be grounded and you may have your throat ripped out. at this point your only hope is to shove your entire arm down the dogs throat, preventing it from using its jaws further, but u will lose your arm.
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lmao you need to turn this into some kind of series
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ill hit up national geographic
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Good thread
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wanna know how to survive an attack from a fish up to 50 pounds?
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Album Rating: 4.0
don't go in the water
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Lol
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Wow 50 pounds
Think of all the tacos 😍
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