Review Summary: It's bad, folks.
“I feel like every single adult who listens to this band should be on a watchlist” - naughtcturnal
For a band whose mission statement is to “bring fun back to the metal scene” you’d expect Attila's music would be a lot more fun. But predictably, we’re instead treated to 30 minutes of banal beatdowns and lame two-steps along with some dorky clean singing here and there on their latest release. To try and mask the lack of anything worth listening to on
CONCRETE THRONE, Attila – long one of metal’s biggest jokes – desperately slaps on an assortment of tacky hats. These lil’ gimmicks range from trying out terrible tractor rap to new age nu-metal. But none of that matters, because no matter how much salt you toss on the log, it’s still just salted dogsh-t at the end of the day. This album is bad even compared to previous Attila albums. Whereas in previous outings there were songs here and there that weren’t the absolute worst thing I’d ever heard – maybe there was a solid groove here, or a fun breakdown there – this really has nothing. I mean, this album was truly terrible all the way through. The only good thing about listening to it is that my streaming service rolled over to Bodysnatcher’s newest release immediately after. Go listen to that album instead and give
CONCRETE THRONE a resounding “hell no.”
Epilogue:
Look, in all the years Attila has been around and I’ve been aware of them, I’ve known exactly one person who's actually been vocal about liking them. I was going to base these numbers off of that singular friend, but concerningly, however, an accounting of my social media has revealed that 11 of my 539 Boomerbook friends “Like” Attila. If we extrapolate this to the global population, it would mean there are roughly 169 million people worldwide who could potentially be Attila fans. If we multiply that by 67%, roughly the percentage of the world’s population over the age of 18, we’re left with some 113 million adults worldwide who should be on a watchlist. There are about 1.6 trillion square feet of land on the planet. Including all the uninhabitable landmasses, that still means that statistically speaking there’s an Attila fan within one-third of an acre from where you are right now. I’ll let you consider the implications of that.
