Review Summary: I can't believe anyone has actually purchased this CD.
Odds are, if you're a college student, a hipster, or anyone who has their car radio preset set to a pop/rap/r&b music station, you have stumbled upon the catchy island beat and questionable lyrical content of "Crank That". But you may not know that deep beneath the surface of "Crank That" lies an entire album of Soulja Boy's invigorating creativity. The album, aptly titled www.souljaboytellem.com (no doubt a tribute to the viral marketing which spun a DeAndre Cortez Way into the stratosphere of 15 minute fame) is filled with such meaningless tripe as "Booty Meat," and "Pass It to Arab". The musical quality, to say the least, is atrocious. If you are looking for a candidate for the worst album of all time, look no further. If you are a musical masochist and wish to gouge your ears with some of the worst sounds ever recorded in history, please download this album. And if you are a delinquent, suburban, white, almost-failing 17 year old high school football player with no sense of musical taste, the CD is probably in your deck right now.
"Crank That" is by far the best song on the album. Without a doubt, it's a smashing success as a party/drinking/dance/ringtone style hit. It features a steel pan intro, a brand new dance, derogatory comments aimed at women (Superman dat ho?), and set of rather lyrically empty verses, allowing one to sink a few cups in ruit before one sloppily attempts to sing with the chorus. It was clearly a match made in heaven, and it was only destiny that it would dominate the airwaves in late 2007 and early 2008. Nevertheless, those looking for awe-inspiring beats or deeper meaning behind a façade of empty words need to stay away from “Crank That.” Outside of catchiness and popularity, there is very little going for this song.
The other songs on "www.souljaboytellem.com" have absolutely no redeeming value. All of the songs feature a snippet of the lead single, and positively no original thought. While it may be a good thing to have recurring sounds/chord structure/instrumentals throughout an album (think Dark Side of the Moon or Paul's Boutique), one absolutely cannot expect to extrapolate an entire CD based of off the whooping from "Crank That."
For instance, the song "Snap and Roll" tells me to "snap and roll" eight times, and then tells me to watch Soulja Boy "snap and roll" eight more times, before saying another word. Then there are three choruses of the same kin, and a "bridge" that tells me to "snap or die" and a closing chorus.
This is followed by the modern classic "Bapes," which discusses Soulja Boy's choice in footwear. "I got me some Bathing Apes" is the tagline to this song, carefully placed in the same fashion as "Snap and Roll." "Sidekick" also follows the same vein, except that in place of shoes Soulja Boy discusses his favorite cellphone brand.
"Let Me Get 'Em" is an absolute disgrace. Here's a sample:
Shoot!
Let me get em
Shoot!
Let me get em
Shoot!
Let me get em
Shoot!
Let me get em
Shoot!
Let me get em
Shoot!
Let me get em
Shoot!
Let me get em
Shoot!
Let me get em
Its time to do my dance,
Pullin up my pants,
Posted on the dance flo in my pimpin stance
It aint the same thang
Do my dance is a stinga,
You gotta rock smoothly and pull ya trigga finga.
Im wild on da dance flo,
Yea i got fans,
Im doin poole palace and dey lookin at my hands,
Im bout to do my dance,
But naww you cant stop that,
I crank my dance up and then i let my glock cock back.
If you're wondering, there's also no redeeming musical quality to this song either.
"Yahhh!" is another steaming pile. The criminal masterminds behind Soulja Boy's existence tried to create another single out of this, but thankfully even the American public isn't stupid enough to listen to this garbage. The song is essentially a group of shouts and "Yahhs!" and tells fans to "get out my (Soulja Boy's) face."
"Pass it to Arab" tells the listener that Soulja Boy is going to pass it to Arab. Notice a general trend here?
It also begs the question: Who the hell is Arab?
Soulja Girl will probably be judged by anthropologists centuries from now as the leading impetus for the collapse of Western Civilization. It’s that bad. It starts with a simple piano progression, synths, and ooohs and ahhs from a rather untalented hack of an R&B singer. Remember the shouts of "YOUUUUUUUUU!!!!!" from "Crank That"? They're back, mixed in with the R&B vocals in the chorus. It ends with random yeahs, oohs, uhhs, and a bloated and tonedeaf Soulja Boy droning “Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh” repeatedly.
There is no instrumental ability on this album. There are no real drums, bass, or guitars. Everything is synthesized, save the three chords on the piano in “Soulja Girl.” Presenting and marketing an album of music without any music on it is an absolute tragedy. What the hell were the bigwig execs smoking when they decided to give this schmuck a record deal?
However, I would like to say that this album, unfortunately, is a brilliant reflection of modern American society and her values. The lyrical content on this album is a disaster. It’s vile, bitter, disgusting, and, to be frank, even lacks shock value. Just like American society, it’s violent, it’s horribly demeaning towards women, and it’s completely possession-possessed and materialistic to the nth degree. It couldn’t be more pertinent to 2008.
Of course, millions of people have subscribed to the lunacy and nonsense of Soulja Boy. You may say that music is supposed to be fun and catchy, which it should be, but audio abortions like this should never come into being.
Honestly, I think listening to this album has induced a 10 point drop in my IQ.
Don’t waste your time listening to any of this.
1/5 I can't give it a worse rating.
Peace out.
