Review Summary: those dreams turned to memories, and that's where it ends
There was a time when I knew who Bleachers made music for.
Strange Desire was a breath of fresh air in the indie-pop space back in 2014, and the music was euphoric and alive in all the best ways possible. Jack Antonoff wrote songs for people who either were young or wanted to feel that way, and the music almost justified the disbandment of Fun. However, it’s been a slow, slippery downwards trek since then - 2017’s
Gone Now was an identity crisis, 2021’s
Take the Sadness Out of Saturday Night was borderline identity theft (although, who
hasn't ripped off of Springsteen at some point?), and 2024’s self-titled LP was so poorly executed both musically and lyrically that it was a source of secondhand embarrassment. Thus, it begs the following questions:
why is he writing this shit, and
who actually still cares?
As a result, I entered into 2026’s
Everyone For Ten Minutes with nonexistent expectations - but perhaps a sense of duty given my nostalgic allegiance to
Strange Desire, and the potential that album still represents. Again, it’s hard to say much about
Everyone For Ten Minutes that feels consequential to anyone who’s heard Jack’s music before. He’s still trying as hard as he can to sound vintage. He still thinks jamming a saxophone solo into songs at random intervals makes it sound like he’s backed by the E Street Band. And yes, he still sounds just a little bit constipated when he shouts. I’m not sure who this music is for, to be honest. I know I don’t hate it myself - but I also can’t imagine attaching serious meaning to anything that’s going on here. It’s also not fun or infectious enough to be unserious in the way
Strange Desire was. Maybe he’s really just writing music for himself these days, as “Make the records I wanna make / fuck off” indicates on ‘take you out tonight’. Honestly, if that’s the case, then more power to Mr. Antonoff for having the stones to make mediocre pop with steadfast resolve. I suppose there are less noble pursuits out there.
The truth is,
Everyone For Ten Minutes is actually a vast improvement over the dreadful
Bleachers. Most of these songs seem vaguely emotionally compelling, enough so to make you feel like there’s something important being conveyed even when there’s not. The lyrics aren’t constantly humiliating, and are occasionally even interesting (“I was crying out for a savior / No Jesus Christ, no Roman gods, they cower at you”). ‘sideways’ reminds me of The 1975’s ‘About You’, which isn’t inherently a bad thing. It’s all enough to
almost make me feel like my criticisms of post-2014 Bleachers may have been a tad too harsh. But just like all of
Everyone For Ten Minutes, it’s a plethora of
almosts. Bleachers in 2026 are almost poignant, almost catchy, almost intriguing. Whether or not they ever stick a landing on any of those fronts is a matter of opinion, I suppose, but the one thing they never are anymore is thrilling.
It’s tough to feel a bigger level of indifference towards Bleachers than I do right now. This review likely reads as more critical than intended...in fact, if you’re a Bleachers fan, then there will certainly be a handful of songs worth taking away from this. And if you hated 2024’s
Bleachers like I did, you too will find solace in the fact that this is an immediate upgrade. Big picture, on the other hand, I’m just not sure where Antonoff goes from here. Even this album didn’t need to be made. Bleachers once felt like it had a real purpose and audience - now, it seems to be another lukewarm hit machine in the algorithm. Maybe one day, this project will reclaim the sense of youthful aspiration it once emitted so effortlessly.
