Review Summary: I'm just a user, craving your abuse.
"I'm a sentimental man/I get sad, but not depressed/Hold my hammer with a bandaged hand" are the words that open "Mr. Sentimental", establishing a man who isn't afraid of his emotions but doesn't let them consume him, yet his hand is dressed, but from what injury? This sets the stage, and the tone of something seemingly
wrong for the fifteen vignettes that comprise the journey of
Camgirl, the latest LP from Boston-based auditory-debauchers-with-an-uncanny-knack-for-catchy-hooks Crippling Alcoholism, now signed to Portrayal of Guilt Records.
Camgirl sees the band fully embrace the gothic rock sound that defined their previous LP
With Love From a Padded Room, whose disturbing lyrical storytelling about incarcerated criminals and suffocating atmosphere somewhat brought the band out of the underground and into the acclaim of many, including myself.
Camgirl still very much retains these qualities, if you tilt the lyrical subject matter more towards that of sex, self-loathing, troubled upbringings, and...generally ***ed up people. Oh, and a fuller embrace toward crippled, fever-dream pop songs that the band themselves have coined as "murder pop", alongside an ensemble of women that contribute their voices as either backing vocals or complements to frontman Tony Castrato's signature, sinister timbre.
The album's narrative revolves around the central figure of Bella Pink, the titular camgirl that finds herself enveloped within a disturbing world of exploitation and subject-oriented consumption by means of entertainment, and her slow descent into madness as she becomes devoured by the worst parts of her own psyche and the imprints left upon her by the people she finds herself within the company of.
Camgirl also introduces new members Stefan Iglesias (Coma Witch, Bottom Surgery) and Alyce Smith (Bottom Surgery, Deafening) to the band, both primarily guitarists but also prominent co-songwriters and contributors on tracks like "LADIES' NIGHT", "bedrot", and the album's centerpiece title track. Previously mentioned opener "Mr. Sentimental" starts with twinkling synths and a thumping drum beat, carrying a driving momentum that matches the workman's pace of the song's central figure, shifting to a more cacophonous flurry on the chorus to punctuate the extreme devotion to his mother, and growing more intense on the second verse with the shout of "Keep your ***ing blood of my flannel shirt!", before the song suddenly falls into an abyss of incomprehensible static and a noisy crescendo with incomprehensible vocals. While not immediately relevant to the title character lyrically, it still introduces this central theme of control, or domination, that runs through the entire album, and the emotive tempo changes that this band are so damn skilled at executing and really sell the impact and horror of the songs across this album.
"Saran Wrapped Cash" is one of my personal favorites on the album, with arresting shoegaze guitars that envelop the whole song in a pensive, dream-like haze, its suicidal subject expressing
"Good and evil all dissolving away/I can't see through your eyes 'cause mine are filled with hate" on the wall-of-sound chorus, this dissonance only further punctuated by the chill-inducing spoken word painting a bleak portrait of a girl who loses herself in a world of fantasy to hide the dark reality before her, unaware of her father's true darkness:
"See the girl, she's pale and thin
Cruel colors dance across the bedroom TV
And she dances back to them
She dances a lot"
...
"In a microwave stained with tomato sauce
She tells herself it's blood and she's a vampire
At school she says that her father is a healer, but he's not
She says her mother died before she was born but she knows that can't be true
That's all she knows
They don't speak of it"
This spoken word portion of the song is punctuated by a gradually louder haze, as the scene slowly unravels into a fever dream, as the girl's father and the world are devoured and the girl is left in the void and the rainbow that
"...was always underneath". The bittersweet beauty and imagery of this song reminds me of the stylings of a band like Wreck & Reference, except with a shoegaze emphasis. It just envelops you and stands as one of Crippling Alcoholism's overall best songs...even if I could say that about over half of the songs on this album. As a small fact, the surprise 808 drums that become center on the song's final minute were contributed by Alyce Smith. On the subject of co-songwriters: the chaotic dancefloor banger "LADIES' NIGHT" was almost entirely conceived by Stefan Iglesias over a two hour period with the initial pitch of "what if we wrote a song like LMFAO", and uh, arguably the biggest single of
Camgirl was born of that concept. He also prominently contributed to the chord progressions of the anthem to self-loathing and unrequited love "bedrot", one of the most depressed pop songs you'll ever hear, and once again, a downright ***ing anthem with a chorus of "I ***ing hate the way I look/Yeah I look like a fat ***ing scumbag" that has no right being as catchy as it is. You notice this is a trend, and all I can tell you is: thank Big Sex. "Big Sex" is the name Tony knew Stefan by for over a year before Stefan joined Crippling Alcoholism, and now you know this too. You're welcome. I also would point to the shimmery, unassuming love song "Pretty and Pink" and late-album melodic powerhouse of "TARAVISTA" as other examples of how incredible the melodies and weaponization of pop hooks on
Camgirl are.
Contrasting to the crippled pop songs the band's trademark horror is still very much here, arguably darker than before, and becoming fully apparent by the time the sickening squeals in the intro of "Pay Pigs" become audible. The song's discordant thuds and thumping drum beats accompany a sickening dialogue with "...the booming voice of God", wherein Tony does what I can only describe as a perverse Elvis impersonation with his voice to punctuate that this Lord loves "...when they're young, and a little broken in". The discomfort is quickly left to briefly linger as a synth drone then beckons an all-consuming storm of noise, consuming everything in its path as snuff is described as "psychedelic" and a gateway to "transcendent pleasures". The storm eventually subsides and leaves an uncomfortable silence, before a voice breaks the noise and some of the album's most disquieting dialogue is spoken over a gradually decomposing rhythm section:
"My daughter came home crying after school
She locked herself in her pink, Barbie room
And she said "Daddy, did you know they used to use the weak for food?"
I said "Sweetie, we still do""
The themes of underlying familial dysfunction, the dissipation of childhood, and even control tie back into the lyrical subject matter of "Saran Wrapped Cash" and "Mr. Sentimental". This lays the foundation for more in-depth discussion of the album's narrative, as these songs could be seen as snapshots of Bella Pink's childhood alongside the scars her disturbed father left on her, such as the absence of a mother's presence. What I consider as the first act (tracks 1-8) detail Bella's disturbing childhood, her entrance into this world of damaged people ("LADIES' NIGHT"), brushes with sadists ("MONET, Pliers") and the gradual escalation into something more degenerate and dangerous as these people leave their mark on her. Torture as intimacy. "Pretty in Pink" serves as a fleeting glimmer in the middle of it all, but the gradual fracturing of the self still pokes through. The album's second act (tracks 9-15) is where Bella Pink truly embraces her role as the eponymous "Camgirl", and when the lurking horror comes to the surface. Led off with the beautifully ethereal piano of transitional piece "screentime", a client complements her looks and kindness, remarking "...she does some OnlyFans *** on the side, but I don't really give a ***". This transitions into the driving rock number "I have a Key to Your House" which serves as a narrative escalation, more than anything, featuring the unsettling verse: "If you got an ass and a mouth/You'll always have something to sell". The album's centerpiece title track and self-portrait of its protagonist, "CAMGIRL", is a whole contrasting journey in itself, with noisy outbursts, cathedral magnitude and heavenly atmospherics bookended by harrowing blackgaze-styled screamed vocals courtesy of Alyce Smith. Bella Pink asserts her status as "...such a God/I'm such a damn good girl", while also expressing her dependency on the attention of others and admitting her own vulnerabilities: "I'm just a user, craving your abuse/I wanna float". This all comes crashing down with the aforementioned harrowing vocal part at the end of the song. "Sweet Talk" delves more into her own manipulation from the men who wish to exploit and profit off her, and the merciless treatment she doles back to her own clients. She has, in a way, become a monster herself.
The album's final two tracks "Mary Kate & Ashley" alongside closer "despair", for my money, stand as the band's strongest thematic achievements to date. They're also just incredible songs. Harrowing, but incredible portraits of self-destruction and catharsis. "Mary Kate & Ashley" opens with a slow synth waltz before the rest of the band joins into the fray, Tony describing the sorry state of Bella Pink and the state she finds herself in, employing an almost-rapped delivery (similar to "Ottessa") for this verse describing her flirtations with self-destructive behaviors and a client with a...unique preference:
"'Cause all I know is sadness, don't know who my dad is
Shoot my shot with death when I shoot up on my mattress
Laughing like I'm bat***, like I'm seven tabs in
Do a little glass then I get up and start dancing
All I know is sadness, don't know who my dad is
Shoot my shot with death when I shoot up on my mattress
Laughing like I'm bat***, like I'm seven tabs in
*** you in the ass like I'm Mary Kate & Ashley"
Bella goes out into the night, wandering a Walmart parking lot and pondering "Bright lights laughing when them stars collide/If we all must burn, we should burn in style", spinning around blissfully, as her "...*** goes dosey doe". This is accompanied by gorgeous guitar leads and feminine backing vocals, before the song cuts out and Bella Pink's insecurities, her rage, and her deep desire for any compassion is laid bare, slowly unraveling with each line before she cries out into the eternal void laid out before her, wishing for someone to take the shot and end her misery, leading into what I consider to be the album's narrative climax:
"I'll greet my fate with an angry embrace
Like a frat kid who hate ***s his gay thoughts away
Yeah we all kiss the ring and we all know our place
From the street whores who give to the bastards that take
And I'm lonely, come and hold me
Heart-and-soul me, please I'm lonely
Come and hold me, heart and soul
Come and hold me, yeah and"
...
"Bring your ***ing guns
Bring them all
I don't give a ***
Bring them ***ing cunts"
...
"If I die we both get what we want
If I die we both get what we want"
"despair" opens with droning piano, like a funeral dirge as a man declares "Flesh is cash/Move that sweet ass...", almost like Bella Pink has resigned herself to a fate of being exploited by this man, controlling the agency she has over her body, and her financial assets. She's taunted and told "...And if you still think you'll make it without us/You might just be dumber than you look", the song's instrumental growing gradually more frayed and distressed before suddenly fading out, an urgent wall of noise overtaking the soundscape before Meredith Haines (Latter) brings life to a scathing, ugly coda where Bella Pink spews vitriol at her abuser, a monologue best experienced with the full context, as I would be unable to do it justice. It's an impactful, emotionally-charged closer on par with "Mob Dad", and is such a powerful statement and epilogue to
Camgirl and its narrative, much like "Mob Dad" punctuated
With Love from a Padded Room. I, personally, nearly cried to "Saran Wrapped Cash", "Mary Kate & Ashley", and "despair" all within the same listen. But...where does that leave us?
I believe the music of a band like Crippling Alcoholism speaks uniquely to people who may consider themselves outsiders, damaged, or haunted by some kind of darkness going on in their life, past or present. Whether you take the lyrics at face value or not, find them edgy, or what have you, I think the emotional depth that they come from is undeniable. That
real tangibility to the themes or the subject matter of their music, particularly those explored on
Camgirl is what has set this record over the edge for me, and made it my favorite work from the band to date, alongside the sheer ambition and emotional heft of the songwriting on display here. I still love
With Love from a Padded Room to bits and think it's a damn incredible record, but my own experiences and struggles with lust, self-destructive behavior and a lot of other similar things and the way they're portrayed here is some of the most resonant stuff I've felt from music in a long time. There's doubtlessly things I've glossed over, or forgot to mention, but as of this record's release I love this band to bits, and I think they're one of the most exciting things to come out of this genre or adjacent since a band like Bambara. Long live murder pop.
--afterhours
I consider it worthwhile to briefly discuss and mention the two singles released before the announcement of
Camgirl, "Blood Pony" and "Tinted Civic", particularly the latter as it mentions Bella Pink by name as "Belle", in the lyrics, and because I think they're both excellent songs that complement the album's themes and narrative even if they're not technically part of the final product (although "Tinted Civic" was apparently supposed to be on
Camgirl). "Blood Pony" is a brooding, downright
heavy synth-pummeling nightmare fuel dream of a song, with indecipherable vocals beyond the contextually unsettling "Daddy loves you/Daddy misses you". It also blows out with a nasty bass groove near the end, before becoming that trademark Crippling Alcoholism cacophonous noise. I would contextualize this song as Bella either being in the company of, or being part of someone's gruesome torture. The song's title's implications alone make me uneasy. "Tinted Civic", on the other hand, is a shoegaze ballad about a self-loathing, wealthy man trying to win Bella's affections back from another man that she fancies, much to the ire of the song's speaker. The lines "Belle, I’m the reason they built hell/***, I even hate myself/Everything I touch is death/Everything, but your lips" are still some of my favorite lyrics the band has written, despite the simplicity, as they're relatable to the kind of loathing one might find themselves experiencing (definitely not like me). I feel like "Tinted Civic" would've found a home somewhere on the first half of the album, perhaps proceeding "Pliers" and closing the first act off in a more...grandiose fashion, while "Blood Pony" lands on the back half, maybe after "I Have a Key to Your House" or before it, to really coax the listener back into hell after the reprieve of "screentime" but I digress. If you've heard the album, but not these songs, please go seek them out.
