Review Summary: A super polished turd from the dinosaur age, shiny and excellently preserved. Conclusion: it’s still shit.
Speaking of pointless remakes, here we have a remaster of Ring of Saturn’s debut album. I ditched this album a long time ago in favour of their better albums (which also suck), but apparently Rings of Saturn won’t let this piece of musical history die - they should have. With cleaner recordings, every previously annoying note is, lo and behold, more grating. Inside this nightmare is the worst type of technical death metal. The false alien/computer game sounds from the infinite riffs are cringey at best. At its worst, it sounds like a stadium of R2-D2 clones in bidding wars (with a spaghetti monster on the mic). Translation for dummies: the crazy wanks make your lil’ willy hurt lots.
The original album was produced great. This is both an unnecessary remake, and a new level of pain. Sure, this remake has crystal clear quality, but it drains the life from the originally sludgy, heavy guitars, which had y’know… texture. These new recordings make the drums sound even more programmed (though they are not). The overproduction brings the album to the modern era for worse. Forgive me if I stab my ears with the nearest pencil, I’m sure someone will miss my reviews. There’s no one? Figures.
In conclusion, this is still a cheesy/corny album. The technical guitar playing and drum work is technically impressive, and that’s the sum of available positives. The songwriting does not impress and songs are worse than discovering you are becoming bald on the morning of your wedding. I may have chickened out at giving the non-remake a low rating back in the day for I was a tadpole, and thus my balls did not outweigh the Earth, but things and times have changed. I am now a glorious, full-fledged dick and declare that this album sucks. Peace be with you.
