Avenged Sevenfold
Hail to the King


1.0
awful

Review

by John weathered old reviewer Hanson STAFF
September 7th, 2013 | 373 replies | 38,821 views


Release Date: 08/27/2013 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Come along the magical musical miscarriage tour

Since the release of Death Magnetic, news on a new Metallica album has been pretty quiet. Heavy touring has kept fans from frothing at the mouth, but every year takes a little more out of the average ‘tallica devotee. While Death Magnetic held a few strong songs, there was hope that with the next record they could combine their old aggression with a little more honest songwriting. What we all failed to realize is that they would just completely disregard writing anything with a bite or a fuing pulse, and here we are left with Hail to the King.

While Metallica tried to reclaim some semblance of their early days with their past records, HttK sounds like a cover band trying to replicate The Black Album. Beginning with album opener “Shepherd of Fire” right on through closer “Acid Rain” there is an incredible lack of anything resembling ‘energy’ (and an apparent fascination with song titles relating to burning/sexually transmitted diseases). Hetfield’s voice seems to have regained some punch, but that punch belongs to the front man of a scene mallcore band apparently, as he sounds more pussified than ever before. The riffs don’t fare much better, as Hetfield and Hammet’s guitar playing has become so by the numbers they make the riffs from “Sad But True” sound like they could have come from Kill Em All.

I really wanted to use this space to talk about how great the solos are, but it’s post “One” Metallica. Yeah. You get it.

Since they deemed it unnecessary to write anything of note, I guess we can delve into a deep lyrical analysis of the album. I use the word “analysis” only because it contains the word “anal”, and despite this album holding almost zero lyrical depth it definitely fills your ears with post-coital shit. While neither storytelling nor imagery was ever a strong point with the band, at least they used to put on the pretense of trying. The first lyric on the title track is “Watch your tongue I'll have it cut from your head/Save your life by keeping whispers unsaid” while the next line is “Children roam the streets now orphans of war/Bodies hanging in the streets to adore”. Let’s have a brain exercise: try and figure out what the fuck those two lyrics could mean together. I’ll give you a minute. I’ll go grab a sandwich while you try and work it out.

If you ended up sitting in your chair, head lazily bobbing to the side with your tongue lolling out, congratulations, you have begun to feel what it is to listen to Hail to the King. It’s as if Metallica decided to try and court the 16 year old post-mall goth crowd with a bunch of inane Black Veil Bride like lyrics, while adding in a bit of Avenged Sevenfold-lite songwriting. The question will eternally remain as to why the former kings of thrash decided to try and emulate the bands who emulated them, but hey, at least this is Metallica via Avenged Sevenfold via Metallica and not Metallica via Trivium via Metallica, right?



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Comments:Add a Comment 
Iluvatar
Staff Reviewer
September 6th 2013



16083 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Took 6 beers to finish this review but it was worth it

Electric City
Staff Reviewer
September 6th 2013



15728 Comments


john hanson, staff reviewer at sputnikmusic

Digging: Alvvays - Alvvays

BigPleb
September 6th 2013



35582 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

This might just be one of your best reviews yet Hanson.

Awesome stuff, the same cannot be said for the music, however.

Underflow
September 6th 2013



2553 Comments


Awesome summary.

Yazz_Flute
September 6th 2013



18769 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Album rules

Digging: The Smashing Pumpkins - Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness

TheSpirit
September 6th 2013



17651 Comments


so you actually did it

Digging: Venus Star - Nigredo Expulsion

Curse.
Contributing Reviewer
September 6th 2013



7983 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Best review, I'm so proud of my hand in its inception

Electric City
Staff Reviewer
September 6th 2013



15728 Comments


this is actually pretty good tho

Iluvatar
Staff Reviewer
September 6th 2013



16083 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

oh this got posted under avenged sevenfold somehow ill have to ask the mods to move it

NapalmCrusader
September 6th 2013



1737 Comments


Not a 1 but is a very bland and boring effort. This album has 3 enjoayble tracks, the rest a just ripoffs of mainstream metal bands.

Spec
September 6th 2013



27107 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Great review.

Digging: Rinoa - An Age Among Them

Ire
September 6th 2013



41753 Comments


hahaha this is awesome

Crysis
Staff Reviewer
September 6th 2013



16304 Comments


metallica just aren't the same since ulrich died rip

Digging: Ulver - Bergtatt

adarkishman
September 6th 2013



528 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

hahaha

witchxrapist
September 6th 2013



11013 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

this is actually pretty good tho


10/10 master troll

wabbit
September 6th 2013



6985 Comments


~downer~

Trebor.
Contributing Reviewer
September 6th 2013



49980 Comments


sweet

Digging: Armchairpolitician - Seven Segment Decoder

Gyromania
September 6th 2013



15461 Comments


pussified

Aids
Contributing Reviewer
September 6th 2013



23804 Comments


not bad Hanson

not bad

I want chan to meta-review this oh man imagine all the meta

loneNLwolf
September 6th 2013



137 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Harsh.



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