by Green Baron USER (148 Reviews)
April 26th, 2013 | 16 replies

Release Date: 2013 | Tracklist

Review Summary: The story of a generation.

One Spring day, two parents, Debra Cain and William Adams, decided they wanted to have a child. However, they didn't want to go through the pain and agony of childbirth, so they decided to do what no man had ever done before.

They were going to make a robot.

Using their scientific skills, Cain and Adams worked hard every night on building this robot. He would have to have nice hair, a wide mouth, and big bones. After months of hard work, the world's first robot child was born. His name was W4I6L7L4I8A9M5, but his family and friends called him William for short.

William always felt different from the other kids. He never knew he was a machine, and lived life oblivious to his creation. His father left him at a young age, and they never met. In spite of his troubled childhood, William loved to rap, and other kids always thought he had a special talent. In high school, he met another aspiring rapper, named Allan Pineda. The two of them formed a rap group called the Atban Klann, and William went by the stage name Will 1X. The Klann eventually became the Black Eyed Peas, and Will 1X changed his name to will.i.am.

The Peas' first two albums, Behind the Front and Bridging the Gap, were great alternative hip hop albums that featured plenty of personality and soul in them. However, after the release of their third album, Elephunk, will.i.am ran into a problem. During his creation, his parents made a big mistake involving personality. It wasn't that Will didn't have personality - he had plenty - but his parents forgot to seal the case that held it. Because of this, his personality began to leak out and slip away from his body - soon leaving him with none. After his personality started to leak, so did his creativity, and William suddenly lost all of both.

The Peas' next albums, Monkey Business and The E.N.D., were major successes, but were critically condemned. After their album The Beginning flopped, the Black Eyed Peas called it quits, never to be seen again. However, W4I6L7L4I8A9M5 would not give up. He took this as an opportunity to relaunch his solo career, which began smoothly with the positively reviewed Lost Change soundtrack, but (at about the same time he lost his personality) since then, his solo efforts have been going downhill, from the average Must B 21 to the absolute ***fest that was Songs About Girls. W4I6L7L4I8A9M5's solo works were not even remotely successful, and he was angry. After days of pondering, he decided to press the reset button on the top of his spine and start over again.

After the Reset
W4I6L7L4I8A9M5 woke up from his hibernation on June 1st, 2012. The first thing on his to-do list was to make another subpar pop/dance/hip-hop track and have it blow up the airwaves. He rushed into the studio, recorded it, and sent it to the world... who wanted nothing to do with it. However, he was not disappointed - after hitting the reset button, W4I6L7L4I8A9M5 had lost his feelings. He then lent his personalityless, creativeless and feelingless raps to other artists, his most (in)famous being ruining the already horrible Script song "Hall of Fame".

Through sheer persistence, W4I6L7L4I8A9M5 found his solo breakthrough, using a Lady Gaga-imitating Britney Spears on the top ten smash single "Scream & Shout". Using the success of one of the worst songs of the year motivated Will to create an entire album worth of pop/dance/hip-hop schlock. He called it #willpower, because he realized that no one had the willpower to listen to an entire album of his work.

Will realized that he himself could not carry an entire album, so he recruited a party's worth of superstars to help him. Afrojack, Eva Simmons, Britney Bitch, Chris Brown, former Pea apl.de.ap, 2NE1, Juicy J, Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, Skylar Grey and Nicole Scherzinger helped out the robot in need. W4I6L7L4I8A9M5 was grateful for their contributions and sacrifice, but he didn't realize that the use of so many guest stars would embarrass him instead of help him. His dependency of guests to save his album would, ultimately, expose how untalented Will himself is. His solo album features 12 guests on 15 tracks, which showed Will's lack of personality and creativity.

As Will carved out his #willpower, he decided that he would make a very diverse compilation. He wanted songs of all genres to come together as a call of musical harmony. Will dabbled in dance, electro, hip-hop, R&B and pop. Hoping that the shift of genres would flow well, he slapped them all together. Yet when the finished product came out, the sudden jump from hip-hop to electro felt haphazardly constructed, and Will knew that. He knew that none of these genres were quite his strong suit, and that he was purely experimenting in them all.

After his #willpower came out, with a hashtag in front, for use on Twitter (which, like Will, no one would remember in ten years), Will debated about if he should just give up in the industry. He put no effort into #willpower, and he knew that. He didn't care anymore; he just wanted money and fame. He thought that the stupid teenagers would buy his stuff, even if it was complete ***, because they were sheep and wanted to fit in. Because his music was pop, the album would sell well.

Then one day, it hit him. W4I6L7L4I8A9M5 recognized what he was. He recognized his fate, and recognized that he was not a human, but just a mere machine. Will realized that he was a lifeless creation, a robot. He had no personality, creativity or feelings, and was completely useless in the music industry. He was just a product, a cash grab for the label. After he thought about his presence in the world, he made a decision that would impact him forever.

He pressed the reset button and started over again.

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user ratings (260)
other reviews of this album
Alex Beebe (1.5)
Inexcusably unfinished and lazy, and obviously lacking in interest and passion....

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Songs About Girls

Comments:Add a Comment 
Green Baron
April 26th 2013


Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

fucking server issues.

wiped the damn thing.

Digging: Coheed and Cambria - The Color Before The Sun

April 26th 2013


I'll pos it again cause this review is just that good.

April 26th 2013


Album Rating: 1.0

I'll pos it again too. Yes, the review's awesome, really, congratulations greenlinkinmuse. BTW, your username reminds me that I'm wearing a Green Day t-shirt right now.

April 26th 2013


Album Rating: 1.0

fuck it i'll just 1 it

April 26th 2013


i need to hear this album for objectivity boost

Digging: Dirge - Wings of Lead Over Dormant Seas

Contributing Reviewer
April 26th 2013


Album Rating: 2.0

Man people hate this album.

April 26th 2013


Hashtag in album title, auto 1.

April 26th 2013


Album Rating: 1.0


April 27th 2013


Album Rating: 1.5

I was about to piss myself and start screaming, "another?!" Let's hope it stays this time.

April 27th 2013


You son of a bitch.

April 27th 2013


Hmm, disappointed. I was hoping for a happier ending. Something like;

"After he thought about his presence in the world, he made a decision that would impact him forever....

......he followed his friend Terminator Two into a vat of molten lava, never to be seen again"

I still pos'ed for the genius of the rest of this review however.

April 27th 2013


Amazing. Pos'd

May 6th 2013


"after hitting the reset button, W4I6L7L4I8A9M5 had lost his feelings"

"the use of so many guest stars would embarrass him"

embarrassment = a feeling

other than that great review

May 25th 2014


Album Rating: 1.5

that one song is okay when I'm drunk so this is like a 1.5

May 25th 2014


Will.i.am and BRITNEY BITCH

April 27th 2015


Album Rating: 1.0

Review is so much more entertaining than the album.

Digging: Shakti - Natural Elements

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