CRINGE index: BNM 2022
We have a Best New Music (BNM) tab, and you have seen it. The rules are simple - at least three ratings with an avg of around 4.0 from staff or emeritus, and a record appears on the list/frontpage. SOME OF US (*gazes out of window*) have abused this system! Here is a full list of every album that has made BNM this year, in order of site embarrassment |
| 107 |  | HAAi
Baby, We’re Ascending
HAAi is the least embarrassing BNM addition of 2022
She is cool, her music is good, her inclusion is not deja vu, and the accolade means more for this record than it would for most.
Listen to more good clean techno you filthy scum. |
| 106 |  | Saya Gray
19 MASTERS
**shocking last minute update and late addition to list**
...but 19 MASTERS has finally hit BNM (even if no-one will ever see it there because it dropped months ago)
minus one point for tardiness, plus 106 points for all that nu-cult classic perfect genius AOTY potential magic that BNM really do be championing for once |
| 105 |  | City of Caterpillar
Mystic Sisters
Little deja vu, but City of CAT is a site treasure for the right reasons and Mystic Sisters is one of the best comeback records in years (+ an AOTY frontrunner). A worthy feature. |
| 104 |  | Cloud Rat
Threshold
The hype over this record still confuses me
in a good way
Not the best *album* here by a long shot, but easily one of the year's most gratifying bandwagons. No cringe! |
| 103 |  | Say Sue Me
The Last Thing Left
WHOLESOME no cringe lovely lovely keepers
minus 0.5 points for weak artwork |
| 102 |  | Asian Glow
Stalled Flutes, means
a few minus points because I have yet to work out whether this entire scene should be associated with too many showers or too few, but Asian Glow LP II is the apex of 5th wave K-emo as we know it, and it belongs to BNM as such mmm |
| 101 |  | SOUL GLO
Diaspora Problems
absolute no brainer duh yes
lost a few spots because that WHOGUNBEATMYASS line do be more of a meme than a good line and i'm not convinced the site is fully aware of this yet |
| 100 |  | Yeule
Glitch Princess
blessed and based and still best of all albums here
dropped one place on the list for every user I have letterbombed for not listening to it correctly |
| 99 |  | Billy Woods
Aethiopes
do not fuck with billy woods he belongs on this list |
| 98 |  | Lupe Fiasco
Drill Music in Zion
lupe fiasco also belongs here, but he goes slightly lower than billy woods because of some hyperbolic comment marskid probably made. unfortunate! |
| 97 |  | Chat Pile
God's Country
This would have come *dramatically* lower down if we had put it on BNM after it blew up literally everywhere else (collateral hype is no hype at all in this site empire place), but fortunately this was not the case and we can all sleep tonight good |
| 96 |  | MJ Lenderman
Boat Songs
Have not hard this album but its nomenclature is both casually badass and deeply chill + boney forced me into believing that it is actually extremely good. mucho benefit of doubt splashing around this sweet vessel |
| 95 |  | Messa
Close
Most DARK DIVA DOES FEMALE METAL VOCAL ATMOSPHERE records will be dropped far lower for awkward site fetish points, but this one does *not* have an annoying fanbase and is actually quite great. NICE ONE TEAM |
| 94 |  | Willi Carlisle
Peculiar, Missouri
The first and almost certainly last time on this list that sput staff fellates a country album worth the price of mouthwash. Enjoy that aftertaste while it lasts. |
| 93 |  | Jenna and the Janes
Earth Dog Year
i know nothing else about this, but it does have the greatest album title of all time |
| 92 |  | Rolo Tomassi
Where Myth Becomes Memory
good artwork points
good album points
minus points for a couple of early junz
next |
| 91 |  | Voivod
Synchro Anarchy
probably-classic thrash band drop probably-great album and all is uncontroversial, but that do be an extremely thrash metal album title oh dear |
| 90 |  | Shapeshifter (JPN)
Dark Ritual
the first (chronologically) album on this entire list!!!
it is good and nasty and was a better start than we probably deserved
...but my rev did get it [blackened grindshit] confused with hardcore and overrated it very slightly, so it can't quite top this list hurr hurr |
| 89 |  | Earthless
Night Parade of One Hundred Demons
cool record cool artwork cool shit, but man do i hate reading that album title in english. that's 34 English characters (inc spaces), whereas the original Japanese title used 4
minus points for consequent frontpage ugliness and also for reminding me that this stupid website still uses ASCII jfc cringe |
| 88 |  | JJ Allin
Hypomania
OKAY HEAR ME OUT i recognise that i have already made a drastic error by not placing this at either extreme of the spectrum, but protocol was out the window here from the moment Jesper dropped a 2.5 rating gap between his rev-rating and rating-rating
sach's album was a top-tier community experience, almost certainly kicked a garbage record off the frontpage, and gave us all a chance to laugh at a bunch of prog troglodytes struggling to listen to it. these wholesome reasons alone warrant an earnest, flattering placement |
| 87 |  | ZOMBIE-CHANG
STRESS de STRESS
yh unless you count JJ Allin, this was definitely the best meme BNM of the year
and also artwork of the year
don't call me. |
| 86 |  | Danger Mouse and Black Thought
Cheat Codes
probably very good next |
| 85 |  | Boris
Heavy Rocks (2022)
gains points for bangers and (chiefly) LEOPARD PRINT
loses points because Boris hitting bnm is (however righteously) deja vu at this point
i am part of the problem fuckin love it |
| 84 |  | Hinako Omori
a journey...
should this have been on BNM? it is lovely...
but....
mmm |
| 83 |  | The Callous Daoboys
Celebrity Therapist
very good semi-stereotypical showcase of that mathcore bollocks the pleb users are still wired up to, with a few impromptu showtunes thrown in because fuckit. viable. |
| 82 |  | Boris
Fade
ditto everything from Heavy Rocks (2022), but:
- extra plus points because zero bangers all DRONE
- extra minus points because no leopard print
this could possibly be the *last* BNM of the year, and as notes to FADE out on go, it is definitely acceptable
but also this would be a cliche, and we can't have that |
| 81 |  | The Gathering
Beautiful Distortion
good album nice comeback, *nice* crossover appeal among separate chunks of the userbase/taste patchwork
but the disconnect between the title and artwork/music is unforgivable. more distortion please! best band hmm |
| 80 |  | JID
The Forever Story
pheromone did not like this
but JID was a top 5 component of the last doja cat
what to do |
| 79 |  | Alvvays
Blue Rev
look, i *KNOW* alvvays are an indie [pop] cliche and the most deja vu of the deja vu for the current staff roster and a little bit precious in their C86 nostalgic jangle worshipping latte purveying hipschtick (some of which does tar a couple of tracks here severely)
but Blue Rev is killer and a massive step forward for their songwriting dept and ingenious in the amount of weight it places on the smallest twists and turns and it really did need to be here oKAY |
| 78 |  | No Devotion
No Oblivion
band says NO too many times and is a little bit too Netflix montage viable but stilly worthy, Geoff Rickly is the best boi |
| 77 |  | Drive-By Truckers
Welcome 2 Club XIII
sometimes i imagine theboneyking as a full-on redneck and it is adorable |
| 76 |  | Prince Daddy and The Hyena
Prince Daddy and The Hyena
extreme minus points for the band name
extreme plus points for the album name |
| 75 |  | Sasquatch
Fever Fantasy
MORE YELLOW ALBUMS YES |
| 74 |  | Petrol Girls
Baby
Baby *kinda* fucks and definitely has some of the year's best protest songs
but also it has been pretty steeply overrated for the right reasons (which is why I put it here hehe)
definitely belongs in the safer reaches of this list, but upon reflection it was not the top bestest of the best new music placements |
| 73 |  | Conan
Evidence of Immortality
this was probably good heavy stoner shit
but not enough cool people jammed it loudly enough, so it came and went
alas |
| 72 |  | Shearwater
The Great Awakening
*probably* the best sowingcore exclusive of the year. it is itself exclusive in this field for containing an Actual Atmosphere (!!!) but the artwork becomes terrible if you stare at it long enough, so that's a hardcap. |
| 71 |  | Valleyheart
Heal My Head
title combo is vaguely cute and good
intuition tells me the music is vaguely cute and not good |
| 70 |  | Wiegedood
There's Always Blood at the End of the Road
|""""riffz"""""""
*cring* |
| 69 |  | The Smith Street Band
Life After Football
need to hear this (dug their last record!!!)
but this band has extreme quarter-life crisis energy yikes |
| 68 |  | Somewhere South of Here
Leave Me for the Crows
yet to hear the music on this, so no comment there
but this is an IN-HOUSE (sput user) placement!!! the system is rigged etcetc |
| 67 |  | Gospel
The Loser
band is one of the most exclusive site cliches of them all and the artwork on this is terrible. music is aight though! |
| 66 |  | Ruby Haunt
Cures For Opposites
band slowcore drem chill sleepysputnik catnip next |
| 65 |  | Holy Fawn
Dimensional Bleed
worthy addition but gains awkwardness because i don't think a single staffer including me has firmly worked out whether or not it's actually a *great* album |
| 64 |  | Amorphis
Halo
trusty metalcheese hello hallo |
| 63 |  | Perfume Genius
Ugly Season
this is *almost* great enough as an artfart record to defy cringe
but alas it is Perfume Genius and he has released too many designer farts into expensive installation spaces to escape that spectre. good record though |
| 62 |  | Falls of Rauros
Key to a Vanishing Future
*METAL CAN BE ROMANTIC TOO* well then how many fucking artists do you know HUH |
| 61 |  | Cloakroom
Dissolution Wave
good mildly overrated album that loses mad points for being site catnip in too many ways!
affectionate backhand music etcetc |
| 60 |  | Dreadnought
The Endless
i regret not checking this purely because it looks like it could be mad good or complete bollocks |
| 59 |  | Conjurer (UK)
Pathos
[2] |
| 58 |  | Tokenai Namae
Kasuka ni sou Matou
YES i rigged this
YES it is an EP and the worst thing the band have released to date
YES it is embarrassingly cute
NO i do not regret this |
| 57 |  | Daniel Rossen
You Belong There
indie folk[tronica??] that has a 4.5 someone review but a sowing 5.0??
jfc i don't know how to class this one. |
| 56 |  | Wake
Thought Form Descent
little bit lost for words here
metal album with a review that opens by paraphrasing Heraclitus -type beat |
| 55 |  | Artificial Brain
Artificial Brain
[insert death metal joke here] |
| 54 |  | Darkher
The Buried Storm
Sputnik Appreciates Gloomy Darkgirl Yelling At Ocean, ep.102 |
| 53 |  | Denzel Curry
Melt My Eyez See Your Future
this is the absolute perfect halfway-point album (we are halfway)
it is overrated and kinda normie (?!!!) and a little cringe as such
it is also solidish and enjoyable and too normie to have much traction in sput cringecurrency
hop hop ok |
| 52 |  | Aeviterne
The Ailing Facade
post-metal more like shut up and eradicate all edgelord diphthongs next |
| 51 |  | Cave In
Heavy Pendulum
a) the production is good and the songs are alright
b) jfc y'all ruined it with the Ballou fellatio + artwork (initially gr8) is diminishing returns the more you stare at it |
| 50 |  | Cult of Luna
The Long Road North
yeah i ain't got shit on Yowi's soundoff for this one. neckbeard album good band |
| 49 |  | Craig Finn
A Legacy Of Rentals
unfortunate album title just pirate that shit you goof |
| 48 |  | NAYEON
IM NAYEON
if Sputnik were a normal site, this would be a top 10 contender without question and the subject of considerable facepalm jfc ultramainstream kpop is the worst, indulging it is stupid and i can remember so little of this EP that i honestly have no idea why i pretended to love it
but
it is Sputnik and this was hilarious i am sorry fuck each and every last one of you |
| 47 |  | Hath
All That Was Promised
artwork is literally a man whose neckbeard has grew into an entire poisonous swamp and choked him to death (maybe) say yes to life kids |
| 46 |  | Skullcrusher
Quiet the Room
retirement home music for zoomers oh wait was that a sound in my room SHUT THE SHIT UP qt |
| 45 |  | Dir En Grey
Phalaris
am being a little mean here + am still loosely glad that this made the list, but it's such a painfully palpably *partial* partial-return-to-form that it still feels like a bit of a sad joke that it got here. sorry boiz |
| 44 |  | Elder (USA-MA)
Innate Passage
hate that location tag yuck |
| 43 |  | William Ryan Key
Everything Except Desire
this guy
1) is literally named after the antagonist in the Coheed comics
2) is from Yellowcard
3) has gamer artwork
4) that shade of blue
next |
| 42 |  | Imperial Triumphant
Spirit of Ecstasy
dissonant dm band goes through the unexpectedly dull motions of doing dissonant dm jazzshit // sputnik creams
am extra annoyed at this one because Alphaville was so good, but will cut some slack because the artwork is acceptable |
| 41 |  | Mizmor and Thou
Myopia
flagged review told me this album was "Uncharacteristic from any perspective"
smells like cringe to me! |
| 40 |  | Orville Peck
Bronco
whew, been a while since our last country pick! this one is actually pretty decent and occasionally great, but
UNFORTUNATELY
the whole thing reeks from head to heel of polished pirouettey poisonous MUSICAL THEATRE razzle and is a mandatory top 40 placement as such, i do not make the rules |
| 39 |  | Pure Reason Revolution
Above Cirrus
hell hath no fury like a boi scorned by incongruous doggo artwork |
| 38 |  | Domestic Terminal
All The Stories Left To Tell
DOMESTIC TERMINAL AFFIRMED MY LIFE *copyright sticker* *selfie emoji* *icecream* |
| 37 |  | Mass of the Fermenting Dregs
Awakening:Sleeping
there have been some thrills and spills this year, but this was the first and only time i nudged a truly mediocre album that i knew had no redemptive meme value into the BNM box and i am truly sorry for this [*big self-cringe*]
the artwork is redemptively great and the opener is somehow still a SOTY shortlister, so there is that
(but oops) |
| 36 |  | Moon Tooth
Phototroph
This is actually a forward thinking, groundbreaking album that draws on a range of unlikely shapes and styles and offers a thoughtful energetic cheery experience for everyonHahahaha fuck off I know prog when I see it |
| 35 |  | Faceless Burial
At the Foothills Of Deliration
death metal who-me? reaction face |
| 34 |  | Widowspeak
The Jacket
find a better font you cheap flounces |
| 33 |  | Blood Incantation
Timewave Zero
i do love that for a couple of blissful idiot weeks, the site factions were so aligned such that Mediocre Ambient vs. Retrograde Metalheads was a significant point of conflict and the former camp somehow won the day
but the fact that this was ever a thing is the stuff of chronicles of cringe |
| 32 |  | Alexisonfire
Otherness
a rare album where literally every single thing said both positive and negative about it somehow managed to find a fresh way to put me off
it tapped into the crinffs merry christmas |
| 31 |  | Florist
Florist
suspicious. |
| 30 |  | Saba
Few Good Things
scenario: hip-hop
>rowna says it good
>phero says it bad
there is only one verdict that can be drawn |
| 29 |  | Honey Harper
Honey Harper and the Infinite Sky
actually got relatively little to say about this record
but it did get BNM awkwardly quickly! have some decorum you hairy bellend |
| 28 |  | Hallas
Isle of Wisdom
character creation sheet -type beat |
| 27 |  | Peregrine (USA-MA)
the awful things we've done
hideous location tag THAT IS THE SAME AS ELDER'S ffs Massachusetts
poser LOWERCASE album title that is also a poser title
recommended by reviewer
Brand New The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me |
| 26 |  | Alex G
God Save The Animals
*approaching pitchfork odour* |
| 25 |  | Regina Spektor
Home, Before and After
the promotion cycle this felt so protracted in its presence here that it getting BNM just felt like another formality
well, it *fell off the radar* so almost-immediately that this was a shit formality !
((will probably jam at some stage anyway)) |
| 24 |  | Placebo
Never Let Me Go
no fucking way does this band still exist in 2022 |
| 23 |  | Lack the Low
God-Carrier
god-carrier more like garden centre bland artpop next |
| 22 |  | Proper.
The Great American Novel
THIS
IS
A
MUSIC
WEBSITE |
| 21 |  | Black Country, New Road
Ants From Up There
terrible antihype squad even worse superhype squad absolutely godawful rym connotations *frustratingly* good album supreme cringe |
| 20 |  | Crippled Black Phoenix
Banefyre
nobody has ever made it the whole way through this in one sitting i refuse to believe any metabolism could handle that many hackneyed postrock tropes in one go |
| 19 |  | Big Thief
Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe in You
in which sputnik sluts out to
1) an ungodly mix of insufferable international hipsters whose powers of discernment are brutally spangled by the cognitive dissonance between their cosmopolitan crusades and incense bills, and the brooklyn basements they've been living in in the backs of their minds since approx birthday #12
2) idiot boomers who learned nothing from the White Album
will accept its one SOTY candidate as a saving grace |
| 18 |  | CMAT
If My Wife New I'd Be Dead
don't you d a r e tell me this title/artwork combo belonged on the frontpage
extra salty at this because i expected it to have somehow become less mid between the time it dropped and the present day, but this was not the case. sput staff country strikes again, but the Worst Is Yet To Come |
| 17 |  | Ben Quad
I'm Scared That's All There Is
SO HOW'S YOUR SCHEDULED QUARTER-LIFE CRISIS GOING OH WAIT YOU'RE ALREADY HALFWAY THROUGH **WELL** I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD SOUNDTRACK TO PHONE IN THERE HA HA HA THANKS SPUTNIK |
| 16 |  | Charli XCX
Crash
okay this record is way too high and the artwork is bant
but
pretending it was best-anything is silly and must be japed at |
| 15 |  | PUP
The Unraveling of PUPTheBand
abysmally awful artwork
medicore production
desperate apologism over a colossal step down from a band who used to be one of the Best Bands and are now on the threshold of self-satirising mediocrity
enormous yikes
i know that the slowly-dying cohort of staff pop punkers have little enough to hold onto at the best of times (q rightly) but this is not a good look |
| 14 |  | Undeath
It's Time...To Rise From the Grave
LOL |
| 13 |  | Pinegrove
11:11
LET'S GO CAMPING *inbred midwestern tumbleweed noises intensify* |
| 12 |  | Smidley
Here Comes The Devil
what the fuck is up with this site's kink for d a n g e r o u s religious-angst bois doing drippy edgeless edgy shit with the most strained screams you will ever hear shoehorned in for visceral measure zzz
this record has been released and BNM'd every year since TDAG get over your brand new fetish already |
| 11 |  | Ethel Cain
Preacher's Daughter
ffs of course this elongated fanfiction abuse fantasy snoozer was payback for all the karma i racked up for going to war with its lazy winenoir mother lana del rey y'all have your attention span localised entirely in your cheap pathos
"though i aint gonna lie every time i read about fiction being framed as escapism its a bit of a sandpaper to the bollocks. also i may be missing something here but doesnt it clash a bit with the idea that the album's story was a way for the artist to process abuse etc"
this is the *real* reason park got banned; they could not handle his truth :[[ |
| 10 |  | Gang of Youths
Angel in Realtime
this one would be higher if anyone had any recollection of it having come out, but it getting a 5/5 review and hitting BNM cannot be forgotten so easily |
| 9 |  | Archive
Call To Arms and Angels
all length no girth where can i buy viagra for dysfunctional concept double album alternadisasters goodnight
hope the band sold this to billy corgan or some shit |
| 8 |  | daine
Quantum Jumping
The sheer fact that this list exists and this *isn't* #1 tells you everything you need to know about the frankly diabolical standard we're dealing with from hereon |
| 7 |  | Cosmic Putrefaction
Crepuscular Dirge for the Blessed Ones
Hahahahahaha yes this exists and people have listened to it peep that tracklist immediately |
| 6 |  | Tomberlin
i don’t know who needs to hear this...
absolutely classic case of second-hand ripples from the Boygenius slumbersplash party somehow translating into site traction. probably the most offensively average record on the list
(quote my sister when we'd both heard it for the first time and i asked what rating it deserved - "whatever the perfect average of all ratings is, you do not need to think about this any further")
sometimes it really is all on the tin |
| 5 |  | Porcupine Tree
Closure/Continuation
band returns with the most by-numbers comeback imaginable epitomising all their stalest tendencies and of course the old guard of 21stC prog laps it right up
conclusive proof that there's been sod all else for them to wave compliments at in the last however many years |
| 4 |  | White Ward
False Light
you can forcefeed me as many cornball saxophones as you like, but there's just no getting around that this kind of cheeseass crescendocore blackgaze is way beyond its honeymoon period and has wrought enough disappointment on the world already
not the worst metal of the year but up with the most tasteless (just be glad Lorna Shore missed BNM lmao) |
| 3 |  | Noah Cyrus
The Hardest Part
I knocked this down one solitary place out of respect for how impossible this state of affairs would have been even three or four years ago
But we are literally platforming handkerchief fodder from the closest thing possible to an actual industry plant here and getting dangerously close to erasing the mountain of difference between celebrity struggles and tragic universals here. C'mon guys... |
| 2 |  | The Wonder Years
The Hum Goes on Forever
I wasn't really sure which order to put #2 and #1 as they are equally salient indictments on two complementary qualities that define a significant proportion of Sputnik as #what #it #is
the lesson from this one is that the site is riddled with maladjusted 15 y/os who have been frozen at that age since the moment they reached it, stuck in vampire form and preying on other people's nostalgia and emotional maximalism (not in any circumstance to be confused with depth)
thoughts n prayers etc |
| 1 |  | Zach Bryan
American Heartbreak
...whereas this engorged extravaganza of vapid commercial country cliches for faceless *sensitives* the [american] world over is more of a concerning reminder that those of you who have somehow managed to get older have absolutely zero filter for the most facile twee bullshit and will likely go to your graves square in the belief that Walt Disney really did create the american soul, only to wake up in a special realm of naive purgatory brutally overpopulated by other unsuccessful would-be extras for John Hughes movies. this kind of country needs to die immediately thank you
the reason it is #1 is because it's a newer trend and therefore more concerning thanks for reading please log off forever |
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