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User
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Last Active 09-25-21 12:42 pm
Joined 09-19-10
Review Comments 6,945
| Aussie Pub Rock: A Phylogenetic Guide
Though a varied ecosystem once facilitated a panoply of unique speciation across the continent, accelerating environmental degradation over the last few decades has decimated biodiversity and markedly reduced both overall carrying capacity and the spread of tenable ecological niches to be filled. Competition for dwindling resources and a marked gender imbalance among individuals of reproductive maturity has since lead most populations to fall well below replacement rates. Though to date, conservation efforts have been assessed as inadequate and ineffective, this paper aims to identify at-risk fauna with high degrees of biocultural significance that may prove to be viable candidates for reintroduction programs in compatible non-native environments. | | 1 |  | Billy Thorpe and The Aztecs
The Hoax is Over
Though no longer extant anywhere on the continent, this migratory species has been identified as a common ancestor to almost all other candidates on this list. Proposals for the reintroduction of Billy Thorpe and the Aztecs via the sequencing and compilation of common genetic material among descendant populations have enjoyed some coverage in the press, but such proposals are considered financially and technically impractical by all but the most fanciful conservationists.
Status: Extinct
Further reading: Most People I Know | | 2 |  | AC/DC
Highway To Hell
Easily identified by its ear-piercing screech, waddling gait, and extreme longevity, AC/DC’s large widespread habitable zone came at the expense of little ecological specialisation. Once considered one of the the most prolific organisms on the continent, with successful colonies and domestication attempts the world over, swathes of countryside which once greeted the rising sun to the sound of a chorus of AC/DC’s limited, repetitive vocalisations are now falling increasingly silent as the sun begins to set on this remarkable creature.
Status: Vulnerable
Further reading: Its a Long Way to the Top (If You Want To Rock ‘n’ Roll) | | 3 |  | Rose Tattoo
Rose Tattoo
Endemic to littoral environments on the east coast, this curious organism’s small size and blue complexion belies its terrifying capacity for aggression, territorialism, and resource guarding. One of the few species on this list to exist contemporaneously with Billy Thorpe and the Aztecs, sightings of this once ubiquitous predator, though becoming rarer every year, are likely to engender fear in all but the most experienced conservationists.
Status: Endangered
Further reading: Bad Boy For Love | | 4 |  | Cold Chisel
Circus Animals
With a reputation for aggression and territorialism that rivals Rose Tattoo’s, many are often surprised to find that Cold Chisel display an almost exclusively warm, gentle and affectionate disposition, unless exposed to the scent of vodka, or Midnight Oil. Though native to the Yorke Peninsula, their diverse appeal has seen migratory populations welcomed in most parts of the continent, though attempts to establish colonies overseas have repeatedly and perplexingly failed. Though sightings are slowly declining year on year, Cold Chisel still remains one of the best chances for enthusiasts to get a glimpse at a member of this extraordinary clade of organisms in the wild.
Status: Near Threatened
Further reading: Bow River | | 5 |  | Midnight Oil
Blue Sky Mining
Found predominantly in its iconic “hairless” phenotype, many are often surprised to hear that the juvenile Midnight Oil often sports a mane of thick hair. Sighted almost exclusively by white collar professionals in urban environments, attempts to transplant Midnight Oil to other locales have unilaterally failed, with the organism’s incessant warbling invariably exposing it to a predation rate far above what is sustainable. Every few years, Midnight Oil is erroneously declared functionally extinct, and, every few years, to the chagrin of all but the most ardent conservationists, such claims are unfortunately again debunked as sensationalist drivel.
Status: Least Concern
Further reading: Beds Are Burning | | 6 |  | INXS
Kick
Often considered a case of convergent evolution, INXS, though from different genetic stock than other entries on this list, evolved to fill a similar ecological niche in such a remarkably similar way that it took the discovery of heretofore unidentified progenitor species in the fossil record to reveal that the organism bore little relation to any other on the list. The relatively shorter lifespan of this organism, often mourned by conservationists, is eclipsed by the far-reaching enthusiasm it receives as an emblem of national pride.
Status: Extinct in the Wild
Further reading: Need You Tonight | | 7 |  | Divinyls
Divinyls
The only entry on this list to not display the previously identified gender imbalance, Divinyls are most well known among lay people for their purported propensity to display compulsive autoerotic behaviour. Dig a bit deeper than this lurid reputation, however, and Divinyls are revealed as one of the most wholly unique and distinctive examples of ecological niche filling ever available on the eastern seaboard.
Status: Extinct in the Wild
Further reading: I Touch Myself | | 8 |  | Hunters and Collectors
The Jaws of Life
With a lineage indebted as much to imported Teutonic stock as it is to native sources, the boisterous call of Hunters & Collectors has the unfortunate effect of making this unique species sound less rare than it truly is. With a propensity to travel slowly, and only in large groups, Hunters and Collectors, though not yet extinct, are these days rarely found outside their home range of the area surrounding Port Phillip.
Status: Endangered
Further reading: Throw Your Arms Around Me | | 9 |  | Australian Crawl
The Boys Light Up
A bioluminescent aquatic organism native to the waters surrounding the Mornington Peninsula, the Crawl, as it is affectionately known by conservationists, was often spotted in the company of recreational surfers, who treat the sight of these boys lighting up as a portent of good fortune. Contemporary reports of the Crawl saving distressed swimmers caught in rips, however, are widely regarded to be fictitious at best, as confirmed wild sightings have become increasingly rare.
Status: Critically Endangered
Further reading: The Boys Light Up | | 10 |  | The Cockroaches
The Cockroaches
For decades taxonomically described as a unique species, genome mapping has revealed that the Cockroaches are actually a less common phenotype of one of the most widespread domestic organisms on the planet, the Wiggles. Though this juvenile form of the Wiggles is still colloquially referred to as a separate species, conservationists the world over are rejoicing that a species once thought on the verge of extinction is, in reality, so readily found wherever children are present.
Status: Least Concern
Further reading: Fruit Salad (Yummy Yummy) | |
Butkuiss
09.22.23 | It is our hope the committee finds this paper illuminating. A follow-up study is proposed if we are able to secure funding for further research. | SlothcoreSam
09.22.23 | I've just sighted a few others.
Hoodoo Gurus
The Screaming Jets
Goanna
Choir Boys
Mental as Anything
The Saints
Skyhooks
Johnny Diesel
Daddy Cool
Baby Animals
Sherbet
The Angels
Dragon
Icehouse | Butkuiss
09.22.23 | The authors of this study are already working on a list of further submissions. Your contribution is appreciated. | Squiggly
09.22.23 | I thought, don’t the Veils count? Then I realized they’re New Zealanders. Good list | Butkuiss
09.23.23 | I’ll die before I recognise Crowded House as Australian. Kiwis off the list!!
Anyway this site needs to listen to some fuckin Chisel cheers | bellovddd
09.23.23 | divinyls are a wonderful band. | bellovddd
09.23.23 | Buffalo also | Spec
09.23.23 | The endangered status for each entry is a nice touch. | Butkuiss
09.26.23 | Appalled at the way Sputnik roundly ignored my magnum opus!!! |
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