|Parallels' 4-year Sputnikversary|
It's been nice with you all this many years. I lurked for about a year before joining on 10/3/09, probably to bitch at progmaster or about DT or Opeth, or something. I cherish all the fun times, the escapades, the hard jams (inc), the trolls, and most importantly the days when we could actually post images, and fuk im really tired posting this but i neeeeeeed to. The list is a musical progression that correlates to the crazy incidents that have happened since my time joining Sputnikmusic, and is dedicated to you all. < 3
On Top: Months out of graduating high school, I progressed into a rut, locked inside my room playing unhealthy amounts of vidyas and computer programming useless programs
My Body, The Hand Grenade
Beautiful Son: i was closeted trans as fuck at this time
Billy: so i had absolutely no goals in life as a guy and no money to start anywhere. my mom threatened to kick me out when i was only a week past graduation and i ended up paying her rent and paying for my own groceries on a shitty 20 hour a week job.
Misery Business: this beautiful girl became very interested in me and i couldnt help but fall in love with her too, and i started spending every waking minute with her when i wasnt at work. she found out about me being closeted trans (at the time) and was originally ok with it and would let me present myself as I wanted, and I wasn't completely destroyed from a male puberty so i kinda blurred the line at the time anyway.
Lilac: (we did it)
The Slim Shady LP
Rock Bottom: and i wrecked my moms car hard, flipped it on a gravel road with my sis in the car and totalled it. i paid damages with my entire savings at that point, and my mom would mentally fuck with me to try and fuck with my emotions until she could make me look as if i was messed up mentally and threatened to have me put in a mental hospital multiple times. If I was sad and cried, she would literally wrestle me against the wall outside my room and force my mouth open and shove valium, anti-depressants, vicodin, and other shit to calm me down and shut me up.
Office of Strategic Influence
When You're Ready: the job market was rough (thankfully minimum wage was/is damn high here) and i took a shitty job just to get my feet off the ground quickly
Fear of a Blank Planet
Fear of a Blank Planet: worked my ass off. i had no car (cause i wrecked it), so i had to ride my bike like 10ish miles to work just to work for 2-4 hours, then had to ride back cause i lived in the boonies.
Vapor Trails Remixed
One Little Victory: My hard work paid off by almost sure coincidence and I made the front page of my local newspaper for the effort i put into such a menial job. my friend called me up and was deadpan, saying "what are you doing on the front page". one of the most memorable days of my life and i never would have expected it. i still have copies of it even though it was a completely embarassing job, the kind that your kids would even laugh at you for.
|10||Marina and The Diamonds|
The Family Jewels
Obsessions: i this new, different girl started gaining interest in me, and loved the fact that i was trans, and i started to talk about personal things and i became very unsure of my life quickly, my gf at the time was starting to tell me not to be feminine all the time and that it was bothering her, and i started becoming disillusioned with my her and wanted to transition but didnt want to lose her.
Grace Under Pressure
Between the Wheels: i started hanging out with the new girl more, even if i was only really able to late at night because i was always busy with school, work and riding inbetween. i was still with my gf at the time, but i didnt do anything that would infringe on our relationship. after all, this new girl had a bf too so we were just friends.
The Arena: Just as I was trying to get home quickly from work, a car hit me at almost 30mph and i flew and hit the ground head first. I woke up in the hospital with a head injury. i was in and out of consciousness in bed for weeks, almost fell into a coma, and it made me stubborn and extremely agitated towards everyone around me, from my gf, my parents, family members that i cared about to my closest friends. the only person i was nice to was the new girl, because i wanted to transition and yet i had no means to, didn't know what HRT was at the time, and felt that I would never be able to, yet even missing all of that this person wanted to get to know me and was okay with me that way.
Vulgar Display of power
Hollow: The head injury made me feel like an empty shell. i couldnt feel anything but depression and couldnt cry if i wanted to. any sense of God that (multiple) people tried to bestow upon me was shit, i felt like an abomination that would never amount to anything successful, and on top of that i could never be a girl and had no future as a male. i wallowed in my depression, bathed in it and tore myself apart because any other feeling was gone. I couldnt feel myself.
A Fine Day to Exit
Leave No Trace: I took up smoking cigarettes like a chimney (i never smoked before so it was a huge change to jump into it at a quarter pack a day and more), living my life with the expectation that i would die young. I would hang out with the new girl late, late at night. She would pressure me to get high, and I would ride my bike in the darkness, sometimes as late as 2am, just to see her face lit up under her bedroom light, and she made me feel whole when nothing else did. Not even my old girlfriend could help me and it tore me apart inside
|15||Nine Inch Nails|
The Downward Spiral
Ruiner: Everything I did seemed to go to shit. My mom was the manipulative type, and would watch over my medical records constantly and attempt to change things she didn't like, and in this instance she twisted my medical records to use the $100,000 insurance policy to her advantage. I got the hospital bill paid for, but she got everything else insurance wise. I couldnt do anything about it but live under her roof, so I did the only thing I could - I would just leave on my bike to go on a long ride, or to go to my friends to escape. I would like to say I became so tough from this that I would get in a fight if it meant i would walk away with a smile on my bloodied face, but I just became intensely shy, introverted and quiet about everything.
A Means to an End: I put my trust in the new girl, and I confronted my old gf and broke it off with her, almost harshly, but told her I still wanted to be friends which destroyed her to even come over to hang out with me knowing I wasn't with her anymore. I was an ass and I regretted it.
Scarred: I would lie in bed in self-hate, in depression. This lasted months while I began to form this relationship with the new girl.
Black Market Music
Black Market Blood: I was walking with my new girl downtown, and we walked literally inches past her, staring her in the eyes as the new girl to my side held my hand and my new gf said to forget her, and my head hurt from that being said to me.
Feiticeria: Everyone thought i had changed. i had old friends telling me the new girl was satanic, or evil, and that i was heading down a wrong path and it angered me. The only thing I could think was how rude my stuck-up friends were about someone that lived in a rough side of town and how i would never come out as trans so i gave up on that aspect. brb menthol cigarettes it seemed
In the Wee Small Hours
I get along without you Very Well: I would stay up all night, no sleep whatsoever, and then not sleep until the following night around 2 am. It fucked me up after a while, and i started hallucinating and shit, you know, like flames out of the dresser drawers, hearing shit in my music that made me paranoid someone broke in the house and was behind me.
The Marshall Mathers LP
Drug Ballad: Experimented with drugs and other things with my new girl. not just weed at this time, mind you. we would end up getting wasted playing edward 40-hands or just drinking till we couldnt walk, and we couldnt even have sex.
Give Me Convenience or give me death
Too Drunk To Fuck: One morning I woke up with bloodied holes in my hand from gripping the nails sticking out of her sofa chair too hard while we were doing it. fuck pain i was jesus at that moment
Shadowplay: to the center of the city in the night waiting for you
|24||Type O Negative|
Black No 1: fyi she had jet black hair, multiple piercings, multiple tattoos, mohawk, etc.
office of strategic influence
Dirt from a Holy Place: I started feeling weird one day, like a spark of my old self suddenly broke through the front door and was standing by me
Without You I'm Nothing
Without You I'm Nothing: I was at home, smoking a cig, and Closer by NIN came on, and I stared at the wall in fear like time froze a second after a brick hit my head. I suddenly ran to the bathroom and puked everywhere. I had a depressive and cathartic episode all night, almost killed myself, and ended up crying in the corner for hours, and called my ex and talked to her for hours about everything, how i felt about her, how i was sorry, i cried like a bitch and wilted from the strong injured damaged person to feeling that i was nothing but dirt
The Mission: I broke it off with the new girl. I got back with my old gf. I don't even remember how it happened, it was so surreal, like a dream. i really cant remember how it all came back into play, even now i wonder what would have happened if i continued and what my ex would have done at that point in time, how different my life would be
Gretchen Goes to nebraska
The Difference: I started feeling like my old self, albeit slowly, and I embraced my past again like an old friend striking me deep within
Matte Kudasai: Time flew by in that haze, and i was continually depressed but at least felt somewhat like my old self.
Office of Strategic Influence
Head: I made the sudden decision to move into an apartment with my old gf the same day that my mom and family moved to pearland, texas. i wonder what would have happened if i went with them. with the decision i made, it was only me and my gf going together, everything was left behind us.
Clouds in My House: I settled in the new place, and while it was rough at first, she slowly forgave me despite everything i did to her. I tried my best to make it up to her by making her happy the best I could
Around The Fur
Be Quiet and Drive Far Away: Wrote a bunch of reviews here after getting a job at a shitty bookstore
Flower: Started a band with some former classmates that also moved into the area. My guitarist's dad found out he had incurable cancer, and blew his head off, and so my friend got $500,000 dolllars. I told him to buy a house and be set for life, but he ended up marrying a porn star. She kept him high on cocaine and MDMA for a year while she took him around the world and drained his money, and then dumped him. I dont know why my friend wanted to date a girl that had a total of hundreds of guys in her over her life before the age of 21, and was obviously using him but whatever: here she is http://www.exploretalent.com/falonlanders
Rock Box: Played all my old vidyas again. Such fun. So good memories.
Rust In Peace
Five Magics: I think I was tricked by mappy on here into thinking she was trans and she talked to me about HRT and the like even though she wasnt really on it. It was the first I really heard what it was but I figured it was only for those diagnosed with gender dysphoria at a young age and I couldn't find any outlet to get on it myself, so i gave up again. At this time I changed my name on here to parallels
Better by You, Better than Me: Saw a jombomb in action. It's like the northern lights, you never forget it's beauty when you see it firsthand. :")
Forty Six & 2: The day (dont know the exact day) Dev became a serious mofo and not just a random poster. I was scared, very scared indeed. He is a cool mod tho and once helped me fix an awful review that was obviously hindered my by tainted thought process. He knows his shit so listen up new users
Out of My Hands: got a cat from the local humane society, so now im a cat person. he is sooo cute; used to be feral but he loves me and cuddles up in bed at my side and curls under my desk on the pc while im browsing the webs, so cute
Against the Grain
God Song: went to school to study a variety of things for a while to get my foot in at a job. god everyone in the music class i took for fun didnt know shit about composing and worshiped metallica it was absolutely disgusting
|40||Lords of Acid|
Lessons in Love: me and someguest got high to Lust and plowed bitchez
|41||Alice in Chains|
Hate to Feel: years later, I got most of my feelings back. I could feel happy, i could cry somewhat if I something really got to me, and I didn't constantly feel empty and devoid.
Dying to Say This to You
Painted by Numbers: got an almost new coupe and it looks fucking amazing
i did a bit too much speeding tho in the midst of my teenage angst
Office of Strategic Influence
Memory Daydreams Lapses: Got a new job at a different place with a quiet and creative working atmosphere and it was really quite fun for a while, as long as I didn't have to give recommendations to rude customers.
Die on a Rope: hung out again with the punk girl for old times sake, we drove around and blasted music, hanging out for the first time in years, i think we drove across half the state drunk, if i wasnt such a good driver we wouldve got so busted. i think i had like 20-something bitch beers and a spiked coke that night.
|45||Alice in Chains|
Jar of Flies
Nutshell: and tonight im just looking back at my life and seeing what I've done, and what I plan to do, and wondering what might happen with my future choices.
Live Through This
Miss World: not gonna explain my gender again so just check my previous list plz