|Parallels' 4-year Sputnikversary|
It's been nice with you all this many years. I lurked for about a year before joining on 10/3/09, probably to bitch at progmaster or about DT, or something. I cherish all the fun times, the escapades, the hard jams (inc), the mappys, the trolls, the days when we could actually post images, and fuk im really tired posting this but i neeeeeeed to. The list is a musical progression that correlates to the crazy incidents that have happened since my time joining Sputnikmusic, and is dedicated to you all. < 3
On Top: Months out of graduating high school, I progressed into a rut, locked inside my room playing unhealthy amounts of vidyas and computer programming useless programs while my mom abused me and tried to kick me out (the latter was probably for the best tho)
My Body, The Hand Grenade
Beautiful Son:(gasp, im trans) but at this time i was closeted as fuck sooooo
Billy: so i needed to make some sense with my life and step up to the plate. Time to get a job, and not just a 20 hour a week job but a real rough one. Spent the summer working on a strawberry farm, and everyone spoke spanish and i felt so weird but whatevs i was faster than them. one of the most demanding times of my life and luckily only a month long but i made it through
Misery Business: seasonal work ended, met a girl who had serious interest in me and it was like true love that we connected so well on every level
Piece of Mind
Revelations: we did it
The Slim Shady LP
Rock Bottom: and i wrecked my moms car hard, flipped it on a gravel road and totalled it with my sis in the car. my mom made me pay damages, and would try to fuck with my emotions until she could make me look as if i was messed up mentally and threatened to have me put in a mental hospital. She would force me to take valium and vicodin to calm me down and shut me up. She started making me pay for my own groceries, rent, car, and everything even when i didnt have income or another job lined up. financial aid for college didnt come through so i had to pay out of my own pocket as well and i became broke
Office of Strategic Influence
When You're Ready: had to get any job i could, and the job market was rough (thankfully minimum wage was/is damn high here) and i was ridiculed for taking such a lame job with how smart they said i was, but i felt like i had no choice.
Fear of a Blank Planet
Fear of a Blank Planet: worked my ass off. i had no car (cause i wrecked it), so i had to ride my bike like 6 miles to work just to work for 2 hours, then had to ride back cause i lived in the boonies.
Vapor Trails Remixed
One Little Victory: My hard work paid off and I made the front page of my local newspaper for the effort i put into such a menial job. my friend called me up and was like "what are you doing on the front page". one of the most memorable days of my life and i never would have expected it.
|10||Marina and The Diamonds|
The Family Jewels
Obsessions: this new girl started gaining interest in me (or rather she found out about my transiness) and i started to talk about personal things, and i became disillusioned with my gf and was too busy to visit her or anyone
Grace Under Pressure
Between the Wheels: hadnt seen her since high school and we hung out late at night one time. i was still with my gf at the time, but i didnt do anything that would infringe on our relationship. after all, this new girl had a bf too so we were just friends.
The Arena: Just as I was racing home from work, a car hit me and i flew over it and hit the ground head first and woke up in the hospital with a head injury. i was in and out of consciousness in bed for weeks, almost fell into a coma, and it made me hostile towards my gf, my parents, family members that i cared about and my friends. but the only person i was nice to was the new girl, for some reason (probably because i wanted to come out at this time but i knew no one would accept me but her). I lost my job too
Vulgar Display of power
Hollow: I felt like a shell of who i was, because i couldnt feel anything but depression. any sense of God that people tried to bestow upon me was shit, i felt like an abomination that was meant to fuck all humanity over. i wallowed in my depression, bathed in it and tore myself apart because any other feeling was gone. I couldnt feel myself.
My Body, The Hand Grenade
Old Age: I took up smoking cigarettes like a chimney (i never smoked before so it was a huge change to jump into it at a quarter pack a day and more) and anything i could think of, living my life with the expectation that i would die at 27 like Jimi and Kurt. I would hang out with the new girl late, late at night. I would ride my bike in the darkness to see her, and she made me feel whole when nothing else did, not even my old girlfriend and it tore me up inside
|15||Nine Inch Nails|
The Downward Spiral
Ruiner: Everything I did seemed to go to shit, and my mom would twist my medical records to use the $100,000 insurance policy to her advantage. I did the only thing I could - I rebelled and would just leave on my bike. At this point in my life I didn't take shit from anybody. I would get in a fight if it meant i would walk away with a smile on my bloodied face but it only lasted for a month or two and was a phase of my head injury
A Means to an End: I put my trust in the new girl, and I confronted my old gf and broke it off with her, almost harshly, but i still wanted to be friends. I was an ass and I regret it.
Scarred: I would lie in bed in self-hate, in depression. This lasted months while I began to form this relationship with the new girl.
Black Market Music
Black Market Blood: I was walking with my new girl downtown, and we walked literally inches past her, staring her in the eyes as i held the new girl to my side. later my new gf said to forget her, and my head hurt from any thought alone.
Feiticeria: Everyone thought i had changed. i had old friends telling me the new girl was satanic, or evil, and that i was heading down a wrong path and it angered me. The only thing I could think was how unsupporting my friends were and how i would never come out as trans so i gave up on that aspect. brb menthol cigarettes it seemed
In the Wee Small Hours
I get along without you Very Well: I would stay up all night, no sleep whatsoever, and then not sleep until the following night around 2 am. It fucked me up after a while, and i started hallucinating and shit, you know, like flames out of the dresser drawers, hearing shit in my music that made me paranoid someone broke in the house and was behind me.
The Marshall Mathers LP
Drug Ballad: Experimented with drugs and other things with my new girl. not just weed at this time, mind you
Give Me Convenience or give me death
Too Drunk To Fuck: me and the new girl would get wasted playing edward 40-hands or just drinking till we couldnt walk, and we couldnt fuck, and i woke up one morning with bloodied holes in my hand from gripping the nails sticking out of her sofa chair too hard that night. 2 drunk 2 fuk. fuck pain i was jesus during that incident
Shadowplay: i did everything i wanted to, i let them use you for their own ends to the center of the city in the night waiting for you to the center of the city in the night waiting for you
|24||Type O Negative|
Black No 1: She had jet black hair, multiple piercings, multiple tattoos, mohawk, etc.
office of strategic influence
Dirt from a Holy Place: I started feeling weird one day, like a spark of my old self suddenly broke through the front door and was standing by me
Without You I'm Nothing
Without You I'm Nothing: I was at home, listning to NIN's Downward Spiral while smoking menthol cigarettes, and Closer came on, and I stared at the wall in fear. I suddenly ran to the bathroom and threw up everywhere. I panicked, had a depressive episode all night, and called my ex and talked to her for hours about everything, how i felt about her, how i was sorry, i cried like a bitch and wilted from the strong injured damaged person to knowing i was nothing but dust from the ground
The Mission: I broke it off with the new girl. I got back with my old ex. I don't even remember how it happened, it was so surreal, like a dream. even now i wonder if i could have continued down my fucked up dark path that i etched out of nowhere
Gretchen Goes to nebraska
The Difference: I felt something for the first time in nearly a year. Feelings, and i didnt know how to interpret them, but i knew what i wanted. I wanted to feel like a human again, and not a hollow shell of dirt. I embraced my past again and tried to step into the light.
Matte Kudasai: To me, the light only needed to be a chair. I'd sit in it. Time flew by in that haze, and i was content.
Office of Strategic Influence
Head: I made the sudden decision to move into an apartment with my old gf, and my mom and family moved to pearland, texas. everything was left behind me.
Clouds in My House: I settled in the new place, and while it was rough with my old gf, she accepted me despite everything i did to spite her. I can't help but seriously respect that.
Around The Fur
Be Quiet and Drive Far Away: Wrote my fav and most viewed Primus review after getting a job at Borders (which then closed shortly after)
Flower: Started a band with some classmates that also moved into the area. My guitarist's dad blew his head off, and so my friend got $500,000 dolllars. I told him to buy a house and be set for life, but he decided to marry a porn star and she kept him high on drugs for a year while she took him around the world and drained his money, and then dumped him. I dont know why my friend wanted to date a girl that had hundreds of guys in her and was obviously using him but whatever: here she is http://www.exploretalent.com/falonlanders
Rock Box: Played Vice City again. So fun. Such good memories.
Rust In Peace
Five Magics: I think I was seduced my mappy at this time, or I wrote my FW reviews and changed my name from [redacted] to parallels
Better by You, Better than Me: Saw a jombomb in action. It's like the northern lights, you never forget it's beauty when you see it firsthand.
Forty Six & 2: The day (dont know the exact day) Dev became a serious mofo and not just a random poster. I was scared, very scared indeed. He is a cool mod tho and once helped me fix an awful review that was obviously hindered my by tainted thought process. He knows his shit so listen up new users
Out of My Hands: got a cat from the local humane society, so now im a cat lady. he is sooo cute; used to be feral but he loves me and cuddles up in bed at my side and curls under my desk on the pc while im browsing the webs, so cute
Against the Grain
God Song: went to school to study music for a while. god everyone in there didnt know shit about composing and worshiped metallica it was grose
|40||Lords of Acid|
Lessons in Love: me and someguest got high to Lust and plowed bitchez
|41||Alice in Chains|
Hate to Feel: years later, I finally got some feeling back. I can feel happy, i can cry and not just be empty and devoid.
Dying to Say This to You
Painted by Numbers: got an almost new coupe and it looks fucking amazing
Office of Strategic Influence
Memory Daydreams Lapses: Got a new job at a neighbor store, been working ever since and it pays purdy good.
Die on a Rope: hung out again with the new girl, we drove around and blasted music, hanging out for the first time in years, shit and i got all dressed up to party drunk. i think we drove across half the state drunk, if i wasnt such a good driver we wouldve got so busted. i think i had like 20-something bitch beers and a spiked coke that night.
|45||Alice in Chains|
Jar of Flies
Nutshell: tonight im depressed again at what i did. I dont know myself from my injured side or my original side sometimes, and it repeats in my head but if i cant be my own self, id feel better dead. its like it comes back and hits you tenfold everytime.
Live Through This
Miss World: not gonna explain my gender again so just check my previous list plz