JohnnyoftheWell
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SPUT ROYALE: Round 3 Group A

Hello welcome to this OFFICIAL TOURNAMENT of Sputnik's most popular artists! The committee (JustJoe, minushuman, budgie, Bedex, me) have watched the results of Rounds 1 and 2 with b a t e d breath and, um, now it's Round 3. Yikes. Please vote! Here is how to vote: submit a full ballot of ALL ten match-ups. Blanks are acceptable. The winners will go through to the next round, the losers will be forgotten forever (any tie-breakers will be announced separately). This will continue until there is one winner. Fun!
1Chelsea Wolfe
Hiss Spun

1. Chelsea Wolfe vs. Neurosis

16 votes

Chelsea Wolfe - Sputnik's now-established queen of darkness has had a mighty tournament so far, crushing the living sh*t out of Alkaline Trio in Round 1 and beating out Kayo Dot’s elitism 101 in Round 2 by the skin of her fangs. Jots once said that she would dim the lights and bar the doors while leaving the windows wide open. Promotional pitches have grown less articulate yet no less revealing of how she earned her dry ice beyond flexing to a perfect trifecta of easily impressed fanbases. I mean, industrial, doom, and kvlt indie folk? Talk about picking your battles... I guess if you know, you know - what do you know?
2Neurosis
Times of Grace

1. Chelsea Wolfe vs. Neurosis

WINNER - 35 votes

Probably the most humourless band in the competition, Neurosis never needed to be funny to get that earth shakin'. They're like that form tutor you had at some point if your upbringing followed a correct timeline: they kind of broke your balls and you kind of hated and/or didn't know how to deal with it for a while, and as a result you didn't realise how drastically they had enriched your life until it was too late. Don't let it be too late!
3Sufjan Stevens
The Age of Adz

2. Sufjan Stevens vs. Gospel

26 votes

Sufjan Stevens is a renaissance man. His music has been reborn several times, in several places, to several audiences and definitely not the same audience multiple times. Now he has been reborn again. He is in your living room. You don't know how he got there, but you cannot turn him off. How quaint is that? Listen to him - and then maybe vote for him. Or don't. He doesn't need to survive this round to be reborn again.
4Gospel
The Moon Is a Dead World

2. Sufjan Stevens vs. Gospel

WINNER - 28 votes

This tournament has been misconstrued as a Sputcore tournament several times, and the reason for this has nothing to do with the fact that we originally advertised it as such. There are many reasons that it is *not* a Sputcore tournament, but the main one is that Gospel would indisputably deserve to win it, and if there were no disputes this would be boring as hell. They are the overlords of Sputcore, the lifeblood of this site. Embrace!
5Carly Rae Jepsen
Emotion

3. Carly Rae Jepsen vs. Alcest

25 votes

She's back. The poppest of the pop; the cleanest of the clean; the whitest of the white. With two runs against Darkthrone and Emperor behind her, Carly of the Rae has proved herself as an icon for Sputnik's sea change from yesterday's kvlt black metal to today's vanilla pop. Both those matches were closely contested, but if Carly has told us anything, it's that she ain't a quitter - watch her hijack this round (maybe)!
6Alcest
Kodama

3. Carly Rae Jepsen vs. Alcest

WINNER - 28 votes

It's one thing to draｗ on a myriad of universally dumb voting decisions and fluke victories against artists that have literally zero in common with you, but it takes something special to stick it out against those who can face you on home turf. Single-handedly cleaning up the heavy shoegaze ballpark with solid wins against Deafheaven and Have A Nice Life, Alcest have cannibalised their peers and are all set to keep eating until they taste...victory?
7Sonic Youth
Daydream Nation

4. Sonic Youth vs. Fugazi

WINNER - 24 votes

The ultimate redemption arc, Sonic Youth took The Velvet Underground’s noisy arthouse vision and showed all the snooze parts to the evolutionary exit door (aka e x c t i n c t i o n). They might have been the definition of indie royalty, but they never quite nailed the ultimate ascension arc because that was a Glenn Branca album that came out a year before their first EPs. If this bounteous declaration of popular will isn’t an ascension arc, who knows what is - perhaps Sonic Youth’s time is now.
8Fugazi
In on the Kill Taker

4. Sonic Youth vs. Fugazi

22 votes

get of your arse and f**king check fuga*i for the last f***king time you fucking karens you fu**ing people make me s*ck . Fugazi are a great band.
9Megadeth
Rust in Peace

5. Megadeth vs. Metallica

17 votes

A crusty thrash band who peaked in the ‘90s, this band is famous for being founded by a total asshole and boasting two or three classic albums that people still listen to. Their legacy is vast and their lore is deep. Will you vote for them?
10Metallica
...And Justice for All

5. Megadeth vs. Metallica

WINNER - 31 votes

A crusty thrash band who peaked in the ‘80s, this band is famous for being founded by a total asshole and boasting two or three classic albums that people still listen to. Their legacy is vast and their lore is deep. Will you vote for them?
11Boris
Boris At Last -Feedbacker-

6. Boris vs. Orchid

WINNER - 29 votes

BorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBoris
BorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBoris
BorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisWataBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBorisBoris have roundly crushed everyone in their way so far, boasting one of the highest combined vote margins in the game despite not being up against particularly dire bands. Good luck.
12Orchid
Chaos is Me

6. Boris vs. Orchid

18 votes

If you eat food in the street in Japan, people will look at you strangely and you will feel judged, but this does not matter because food is delicious and nourishing and the chances are if you’re eating in public to begin with you’re in a rush and deserve every scrap of nutrition and flavour because the world belongs to efficient people. Listening to Orchid within earshot of people who are not in love with the church of scream-O may be similar to this, but what are you gonna do? Care about those people and the snackless, Orchidless progress of their lives? I don’t think so.
13Death
The Sound of Perseverance

7. Death vs. Converge

20 votes

Death are surrounded by a complex weave of alternative realities: what if Chuck had lived? What if they had had a different band name and death metal had ended up being called severity metal or OvDeath metal or vitality metal or sorority metal or something equally threatening? What if The Sound of Perseverance had been a good album (okay, I’m borrowing an opinion for this one - but whose?)? There are so many what-ifs at work here that you just *know* you’re going to regret everything on your ballot the moment you draft it. Better make it count.
14Converge
You Fail Me

7. Death vs. Converge

WINNER - 32 votes

Converge can survive anything. They’re like what cockroaches would dream to be if they didn’t hide under your sink and instead exhorted you to write rabid online commentary while bingeing their discography at the expense of all other media. Their appeal can survive their fanbase growing up and questioning whether janedoeposting is seriously the best way to cope with a breakup, and their music routinely survives Jacob Bannon. It has now also survived Thom Yorke. This band is just that good (...right?).
15Queens of the Stone Age
Songs for the Deaf

8. Queens of the Stone Age vs. Pink Floyd

20 votes

The least androgynous androgynous band in the history of dubiously androgynous bands, Queens of the Stone Age is a giant talking penis in the shape of Josh Homme. He is orbited by the background trivia of their bandname story and the emotional depth supposedly imparted to their music by his near-death like two moons reflecting a sun's worth of ego back and forth at each other, except no-one sees it because penises don't have eyes. This band has other members including for the domestic abuse dude and the guy who played on one of the most overrated rock albums not made by the Foo Fighters (and also all the Foo Fighters ones). Sometimes all it takes is one dude.
16Pink Floyd
Animals

8. Queens of the Stone Age vs. Pink Floyd

WINNER - 38 votes

Pink Floyd don't need an introduction. Here it is: they are a 70s prog band whom all of you adore and have fake high'd to oblivion with whether you know it or not. So far they have kept a low profile in this tournament, contenting themselves to clear away C-tier Sputcore crusties of the likes of Tentenko and Ulcerate, so perhaps it is time for them to face a serious challenge. Will they get one here? Let's see!
17The National
High Violet

9. The National vs. Talking Heads

26 votes

Everybody hates the National. Everybody loves the National. Make your bloody minds up! The most boring band in existence or the holy grail of indie? You can choose only one - better make sure it's the right one. Anyone voting against the National will face a trial by fire for the number of boring artists elsewhere on their ballot. Anyone voting against the National will face a trial by fire for the amount of midlife crisis fodder elsewhere on their ballot.
18Talking Heads
Remain in Light

9. The National vs. Talking Heads

WINNER - 31 votes

Talking Heads are cooler than your favourite band, and if they are your favourite band then I guess they're cooler than you. Take that! Releasing an indisputable Greatest Album of All The Time (you know the one) counts for a lot - but not as much as you'd think (look what happened to Slint in Round 1); Talking Heads' nail-biting showdown against Cult of Luna in Round 2 proved they aren't invulnerable, but with roots as deep and grooves as deep and a discography as deep and an appeal as not-that-deep as Byrne and co., it'll take quite the effort to foist them.
19Godspeed You! Black Emperor
F♯ A♯ ∞

10. Godspeed You! Black Emperor vs. Sigur Ros

WINNER - 33 votes

Actions speak louder than words. Godspeed You! Black Emperor are incredible actors because their music is very loud sometimes but not always. They also use words sometimes, but these are always sampled from other sources because pastiche is the Cupid's arrow of post-modernism. This band's creative potential is literally infinite.
20Sigur Ros
Agætis byrjun

10. Godspeed You! Black Emperor vs. Sigur Ros

21 votes

Sigur Ros never had the rhymes to make it in hip-hop but they made up for it a thousand times over by inventing a language with a wordpool small enough to learn in one sitting, and by sticking a cello bow in places where it doesn't belong. Could they fix your kitchen sink? Maybe not, but you know you'd *love* whatever they built in its place.
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