Lou Reed and Metallica Lulu
1.4 Release Date: 2011
Tracklist

 Full ReviewRatings (925) Give your Rating

1.0 awfulPharoh | September 18th 11

Rip Metallica 1981-1988

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1.0 awfulIre | October 19th 11

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

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0.0 Treboris17 | October 20th 11

Dave Mustaine is laughing his ass off right now

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1.0 awfulWaldo Jeffers | October 20th 11

The audio equivalent of eating a vanilla ice cream sundae with ketchup on top. For 90 minutes.

16 Bumps | Bump

0.0 He Instagram his watch like #MadRichAlert | October 19th 11

he is not the table

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1.5 very poorRobert Lowe CONTRIBUTOR | October 20th 11

Makes St. Anger look like a 1.5

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0.0 HSThomas | October 19th 11

I AM THE TABLE!

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0.0 rob g | September 22nd 11

RIP Metallica 1981-1983

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1.5 very poorInveigh | October 20th 11

if you say i'm not the table one more god damn time i swear i'm going to explode I AM THE
FUCKING TABLE


9 Bumps | Bump

0.0 Rudy K. STAFF | October 19th 11

It's like no one has ever listened to Lou Reed before

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5.0 classicAsoTamaki | October 19th 11

Metallica has once again proven that they can succeed at anything. This time, the radical shift in sound is due to an unlikely collaboration with legendary songwriter Lou Reed. Lulu chronicles the harsh realities of prostitution and the effect it has on the whore as well as those she encounters. Spanning the length of two discs, Lulu sees the relative aspects of love and morality pondered amidst a backdrop of heavy-hitting riffs. Topics including vulnerability and heartbreak are juxtaposed with harrowing depictions of violence and ugliness resulting in a profusely emotional listening experience.rMetallica provides not only their trademark metallic flourishes, but also experiments with more atmospheric compositions (as can be heard on "Cheat On Me"); adding new layers of depth to their already impressive repertoire. Reed pulls his weight by delivering the lines of his poetry with a unique conviction seldom heard in modern music. Never one to shy away from controversy, Reed also shines with his many thought provoking metaphors such as when he equates the force of a flesh-penetrating blade to that of a colored man's dick. Together, these two artists have combined to create a challenging recording which will no doubt be making an appearance on many year-end lists.

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2.0 poorBigHans | October 20th 11

SPERMLESS LIKE A GIRL I AM ThE TABLET I AM ThE TABLE COME SEE IF THE ICE WILL MELT FOR YOU ICED HONEY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SMALL TOWN GIRLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! PUKE MY GUTS UP AT YOUR FEET YOURE MORE MAN THAN I FRuS FRuS FRUS FRUSTRAITIONNNNNNNNNNNN-AH

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0.0 Andrewffcc | September 22nd 11

RIP 1981-1993 2006-2011

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1.0 awfulCyan1d3 | October 19th 11

Literally a steaming pile of dog prostitute tail-waggling shit on a Metallitable.

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4.0 excellentIrving Tan STAFF | November 3rd 11

I take great pride in the fact that my rating single-handedly bumped this album's mean score from a 1.3 to a 1.4.

5 Bumps | Bump

0.0 Frederick Metzengerstein | October 22nd 11

Never one to shy away from controversy, Reed also shines with his many thought provoking metaphors such as when he equates the force of a flesh-penetrating blade to that of a colored man's dick.

5 Bumps | Bump

1.0 awfulJonathan Shannon (Astrel) | October 21st 11

This is the most penis-softening album of the century.

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1.5 very poorKILL | October 20th 11

Now that the coast is clear, I'm moving out of here. It's time to disappear - with you, . to where the skies are blue. I want you by my side, don't look so mystified. You know I said I'd always take yo, throw silver spoons across the waves to you. Back when it a, I was your highway man. Now I've got a different plan For yo, with the stars above down on love beach. I'm gonna make lov, on love beach Make all your dreams come true, on love beach Gonna make love to you, on love beach Gonna make your dreams come true, on love beach Gonna make love to you, on love beach...,

5 Bumps | Bump

1.0 awfulNathan Flynn CONTRIBUTOR | October 20th 11

RIP Lou Reed 1968-1975

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1.5 very poorscissorlocked | October 19th 11

helps me defecate. instant classic.almost. doesn't work on constipation

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0.0 kangaroopoo | October 21st 11

"I AM THE TABLE" - James was actually quoting Lars but if Lars is the table then why isn't it in the kitchen? Order the Deluxe edition now for only $145 to get the answer along with many other bonus features, such as the full-bodied blow up Lulu doll, which for those with a certain kink, has detachable limbs.

4 Bumps | Bump

1.0 awfulSammy Girard | October 21st 11

Sounds like a bunch people from an old folks home that have come together to attempt rock band for the first time.

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2.0 poorMark Campbell | October 20th 11

Make no mistakes, this is an abortion of almost St. Anger levels, but the sad thing is that Metallica's contributions aren't bad at all. If this was an instrumental album, or even a proper Metallica record with actual singing and lyrics, it'd probably be a 3-3.5.

But then Lou Reed comes in with his atonal warbling artsy bullshit that makes you want to kick puppies, and you kinda wonder how in the fuck two cultural/musical icons responsible for some of the best albums ever recorded could have ever though this was a good idea.


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1.0 awfulScott Krasman | September 2nd 11

pioneers of country metal horns up m/m/m/m/m/m/

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0.0 Wreath | May 20th 12

"Their anti-piracy tactics really works. Almost nobody is illegally downloading their last
album now." - Random Youtube comment.


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0.0 Albus | February 20th 12

The thing that should not be.

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0.0 rabbit | October 19th 11

soundoff page = bullshit

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1.0 awfulFirstStrikeIsDeadly | May 25th 14

Human fecal matter varies significantly in appearance, depending on diet and health. Normally it is semisolid, with a mucus coating. Its brown coloration comes from a combination of bile and bilirubin, which comes from dead red blood cells. Human fecal matter can even take audio form, as exemplified by the 2011 collaboration album Lulu by Lou Reed and Metallica...It's been three years, but the scars still remain. Cool parts of tracks like Frustration and Iced Honey, or even the admittedly beautiful first three minutes of Cheat On Me, just can't save this absolute fucking disaster. The greatest crime here is Little Dog, which goes absolutely fucking nowhere for eight goddamn minutes. Remember that the folks who wrote and performed on Victims of Deception will be very obscure, while Metallica can release this dreck. The fact that it's "innovative" or "ambitious" or whatever pretentious bullshit labels someone wants to affix to this doesn't excuse it, and if I didn't know that three of the five musicians here were responsible for crafting some of my favorite records of all time, I would desire that everyone involved with the production of this be sent back in time to 1943 and deported to Auschwitz. Lulu is absolutely abominable, and even though there are certain moments of certain songs that almost move me, everything else here represents an aural abortion. May this album swallow my sharpest cutter like a colored man's dick.

2 Bumps | Bump

2.5 averagetom6 | October 21st 11

Surprisingly not horrible, just a little boring. The album is basically centered around Reed's lyrical concept,
with some quite nice soundscapes and trademark Metallica riffing as a backdrop - indeed, I'd call this a Lou
Reed album featuring Metallica. Which is a shame, because some of the riffs here could have amounted to
something, especially the one in Dragon. That would be fine, though, if the lyrics weren't so awfully
pretentious and repetitive, often sounding like some angsty teenager's tries at being artsy. Not to mention
the laughable vocal delivery. Really, does Lou Reed even listen to his own recordings? All in all, Lulu feels like
an unsuccessful experiment.

I should give it a lower rating but... I have to admit, the sheer strangeness of the thing is appealing,
somehow. I hated The View, but I can sing Reed's droning lyrics by heart. It's just so alien.
I sure hope Metallica tries some of this ambient stuff in their next album, as it really goes well with their riffs.


2 Bumps | Bump

2.0 poorSince when did this site care about soup??? | October 21st 11

Metallica Machine Music?

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1.0 awfulVesper | October 20th 11

Elements of Metallica and Lou Reed combining to make something not quite as good as either!

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1.0 awfulJulien Loeper | October 19th 11

pretty fuckin terrible bro. i mean, st anger is better than this. Hard Jams shits all over these guys

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0.0 zxlkho | October 19th 11

I still cannot believe that this album isn't some elaborate joke.

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0.0 Dr. Yum Yums McBoogleBarn | October 24th 13

WAGGLE MY ASS LIKE A DARK PROSTITUTE COAGULATING HEART...pumpin blood! fuckin' classic man

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0.0 ThrashRulesYourChode | February 6th 13

lol

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1.0 awfulBaeleron | March 12th 12

Possibly the worst thing ever recorded. By anyone.

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1.0 awfulType2Diabeetus | November 4th 11

............................What is this I don't even

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3.0 goodConor | November 2nd 11

Changed my mind. This album has somewhat clicked with me. I gave it a score above 3. Deal with it, Sputnik

1 Bumps | Bump

0.0 hyperi0n STAFF | October 23rd 11

"Reed also shines with his many thought provoking metaphors such as when he equates the force of a flesh-penetrating blade to that of a colored man's dick."rThat sentence is better than this album

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1.0 awfulsteef ward | October 22nd 11

waggle my ass like a dark prostitute coagulating heart...pumping blood...c'mon, james!

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1.0 awfulSithese | January 21st 14

Metallica really went downhill when James Hetfield transformed into a table.

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1.0 awfulTayBad | December 14th 13

What garbagethis album is. I mean, c'mon, we have lyrics about cutting legs and tits off while thinking about Boris Karloff, being spermless like a girl and "sucking a colored man's dick" What the hell was Lou Reed thinking? What was Metallica thinking? Of all the projects they could be working on, this was their best option? Hell, I would have settled for St. Angrier, the sequel to St. Anger than have to listen to this crap. Now, I know Lou Reed is dead,so this may sound insensitive, but it really does sound like he is dying on this album. If he was dying, why would he want to make another album? Reed's death is sad, but so is the fact that he took the time to write these lyrics. It is also sad that Metallica decided that this would be a good use of their time and that Lulu would be a good album. Just tragic all around.

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1.5 very poorMikkel | December 13th 13

I know I still haven't mustered up the patience to listen to this in full yet, but I honestly don't think I'm going to anytime soon. So now, I'm rating this two years too late.rR.I.P. Lou Reed

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1.0 awfulBrendan M. | November 28th 13

Not much more can be said that hasn't been said, this album is truly abysmal in just about every single fucking department. First and foremost, the mishmash between Lou Reed and Metallica sounds completely wrong in every way. I love some of Lou's solo stuff, I love some of Metallica's early stuff, but together they simply sound like a bad experiment taken to even worse extremes than both bands' worst efforts combined. What I mean is that in comparison, St. Anger looks like a 2, and Metal Machine Music a 4. Now, we should never really be shocked by what Lou's choices are anymore, he has way too many surprises in his discography to mention, but this is just plain pathetic. His poetry is at an all time low, with most lines being absolutely laughable since he can't portray the atmosphere he tries to. As for Metallica's instrumental portion, everything sounds uninspired and undeveloped. It sounds as if Lou is mumbling in the corner whilst Metallica is jamming. On top of all this, the production is awful as usual for any Metallica project. Kurt's guitars sound like they're buzzing as if they were bees more than the raw distortion of the 80s that they had. Lars's drums sound overproduced to shit, James's vocals sound so clean that it gives us that feeling of the infamous Rust In Peace remaster, and altogether this sounds like incomprehensible mush. Overall, the worst album of both artist's careers, and that's saying a lot. 0 Tables out of 10

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1.0 awfulBob | October 13th 13

The View is the only redeemable factor on this album, so we know Hetfield at least has good table manners.

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1.5 very poorDavey Boy STAFF | September 30th 13

What looked a strange pairing on paper turns out even weirder on record, as 69 year old art-rocker Lou Reed collaborates with thrash-metal band Metallica on 'Lulu'. Basically, it's Reed rambling away with often vulgar - always nonsensical - lyrics, while Metallica play in a repetitive & mis-matched fashion behind him. It kind of begins intriguingly, but any decent idea is exhaustingly turned into aimless drivel soon enough. Delivering very little melody or diversity, it's bewildering that these 10 tracks last 87 minutes! It's not the worst album ever made, but 'Lulu' does make 'St. Anger' sound like a classic! Recommended Tracks: Brandenburg Gate & Dragon.

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2.0 poorMatthaios | August 21st 13

Yes overall, this is a piece of shit. Musically monotonous and uninteresting, with dull vocals and lyrics and awful riffs and licks, and the fact it?s a two disc release that lasts for more than 90 minutes you will never get back, however it didn?t bother me as much as other fans. Some definitely took Lulu too close to heart not realising it?s not the tenth Metallica record, it?s just something on the side I guess, even if it?s not very, well, good.

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1.0 awfulNightmareCinema16 | July 25th 13

Greatest musical mistake of the whole year 2011.

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0.0 squelf | July 25th 13

a true classic

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1.0 awfulNash J. CONTRIBUTOR | July 24th 13

It's times like this where I really wish I could rate this less than a 1. This has to be one of the all-time worst albums in existence on every single aspect. This album only has ONE thing going for it: it is unintentionally hilarious to hear James Hetfield sing "I am the table!" and to hear Lou Reed claim that he is "just a small town girl." Listen to this album for a good laugh, but if you want quality music, I suggest you stay as far away from Lulu as humanly possible.

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1.0 awfulAskar S Imam | March 17th 13

WHAT DA FUQQQ IS THIS????!!!!! IS THIS EVEN A REAL THING??

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1.0 awfulRangerFan | February 6th 13

I heard this was supposed to be bad, but THIS bad.....!!!

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1.0 awfulGnFnRs87 | November 1st 12

Simply one of the worst pieces of shit ever shat out by a once-respected band and a once-respected artist. I wonder why the fuck Metallica allowed a rambling hobo to write lyrics for them and why Lou Reed decided to hire an uninspired has-been to collaborate with him. I simply cannot underestimate how steaming this turd is. Utter shit. Avoid like the fucking plague.

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2.5 averageLani Parker | October 7th 12

Not as bad as people make it out to be, but the trolliness of it all does wear out its welcome after a few listens.

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1.0 awfulMegaJake1024 | September 3rd 12

Gotta be the worst and most disappointing album ever made by anybody half-decent. And Metallica is great. This just blows hard though.

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0.0 Gwynbleiddsfang | May 16th 12

"I am the Table"r............................ Okay.

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1.0 awfulBonRurgundy | April 7th 12

Either the best troll album ever, or Metallica should be ashamed of themselves for collaborating with this retard and his inane ramblings.

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1.0 awfulYetAnotherBrick | February 28th 12

There's coral, there's rocks, there's whale poo...and then there's Lulu.

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1.0 awfuljulien | February 5th 12

It's amazing to me that someone like Lou Reed listened to this and decided that it was something he was proud of and willing to share with the world. This album is sad more than anything else; a step down for both Metallica and Lou Reed.

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0.0 Tim Bartolini | January 31st 12

Regardless of the fact that this is mainly a Lou Read album and not a Metallica album, it's still really really bad.

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1.0 awfulVyndax | January 30th 12

Why can't I give this album a 0.5? It's worse than just "awful."

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1.0 awfulZilla2112 | January 12th 12

I'm sorry, but this is just awful. I didn't expect anything amazing from the odd collaboration between Lou Reed and Metallica, but I surely didn't expect this stinker. The riffs and songs themselves are good at best, and repetitive and uninspired at worst, but what ruins any chance of this album of being tolerable are Lou Reed's atrocious vocals. I would cut my legs and tits off when I think of this terrible excuse for an album.

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1.5 very poorDrunkenSailor | January 4th 12

Unfortunately for Metallica and Lou Reed, the Grampa Simpson parodies worked better than the originals. Better luck next time I guess...

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1.5 very poormetalspirit | December 22nd 11

It's clear that Metallica have tried something different here, like Linkin Park did with a thousand suns and Korn has just done with the path of totality. However, it is clear that it hasn't worked. Metallica have recently released a new EP called Beyond Magnetic. This is Metallica returning to the Heavy Metal stuff that everyone is familiar of.

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2.0 poorRastapunk | December 12th 11

I have a hard time adjusting to Lou's voice but that's not the problem. Sometimes I feel like comon James, your turn it will make the song so much better, like on the 7 min Mistress Dread. I haven't listened to the 20mins Junior dad yet, but overall I give it a two, it deserves a little more music and a little less poetry. Some songs are OK though, not as bad as everyone says, but yeah this has nothing to do with any Metallica records, and the fans will hate it.

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1.5 very poorThat Black Guy | November 23rd 11

Sad, Sad, sad. I'm a huge Metallica fan and even though I thought even the universally hated Load, Re-Load, and St. Anger had their moments, this has none. I could go on a long diatribe about how horrible this album is but everybody knows how horrible this album is by now. Sigh... Was hoping Metallica was taking a step in the right direction after Death Magnetic but they have shown all of their fans that they could give a shit if their music is good enough for their fans. Lou Reed's vocals are so bad I'm not even going to mention them. Hopefully Metallica and Lou Reed disappear if they plan on making more terrible music like this.

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4.0 excellentJesus: version buddha 3.9 | November 19th 11

If you like Lou Reed, it's not a stretch that you'll like this album. But if you don't like Reed, yet like Metallica, you're probably not going to like this... That's because it is in no way a departure for Lou Reed. This sounds like a heavy metal Lou Reed album. And save for a few moments when James Hetfield's singing sounds more like yodeling than singing ("Small town gurrrl!"), this is a more than solid heavy metal Lou Reed album.

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1.5 very poorpencils3 | November 15th 11

Please tell me why? P.S. I am writing this in arterial blood from the veins that this piece of drivel made me open.

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1.5 very poorsteadyriot | November 12th 11

This album is way Underrated. Sure its terrible, but

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1.5 very poorAdrian Hertzberg CONTRIBUTOR | November 5th 11

"Metal, Post Rock" wtf? where's the post-rock? this album is awful but not as bad as you're all making it out to be. Without Lou Reed's dreadfully out of place vocals this would be a solid 2.

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3.0 goodKyokushinMaster | November 2nd 11

It's quite good, different but good. most people here who rate it too low are over reacting rcause its a half Metallica album and not it's Master of Puppets #2

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0.0 Achilles32094 | October 27th 11

If you rated this pile of dog shit a 5 then you are either deaf or a Metallica fanboy.

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1.0 awfulHorrorBusiness78 | October 24th 11

Embarrassingly bad on so many levels. St. Anger is amazing compared to this shit.

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1.0 awfulrokknroll4 | October 22nd 11

So I hear this sucks, I'm not gonna listen to it... but you know 1/5

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1.0 awfulMO | October 22nd 11

next

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1.0 awfulPJIII | October 21st 11

Fuck you guys who are saying that you're the table! You fools! I AM THE TABLE!

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1.0 awfulFilthyBorgir | October 21st 11

let's see if we can get a 1.2 as an average user base rating for this bitch!!!! bring on the 1s niggas!r

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1.0 awfulBlackLlama | October 21st 11

I know this get's said a lot, but this is literally the worst thing since the holocaust.

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1.0 awfulWillem Hattingh | October 21st 11

Metallica wanted to write an album worser than St. Anger... and that was when the man who made Metal Machine Music, Lou Reed, came to help... Seriously...

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1.0 awfulEpsilonJSTC | October 21st 11

From two of the greatest rock artists ever comes the worst collaboration of all time.

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0.0 charlie15 | October 20th 11

Should I even bother checking this out? Evidently not.

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1.5 very poorDaniel Smith | October 20th 11

Tom Green: YOU CAN'T HURT ME, NOT WITH MY CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEELLLLLMEEEEEEETTTTTTTTT

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1.0 awfulegadude | October 19th 11

can't even believe this album falls in the "Metal" section.

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2.0 poorJAXETA | October 19th 11

listened to the stream, its actually better than i thought... WAYYYYYYYY better

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0.0 AGuyIsWatchingYou | October 19th 11

Sometimes I think life is too much, I think I can't handle it. Anyway today I was on the edge, I was about to jump. But all of a sudden, I heard it! Lou Reed dying. I couldn't kill myself after this, nobody should be put through Lou's pain and suffering. These sounds were recorded and set to music made by recycling Metallica riffs. They were officially released, the album was titled: Lulu.

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1.0 awfulRyan Thompson | October 19th 11

This is the worst album I've ever heard, no album deserves a 1 more than this

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1.0 awfulMark James Irwin | October 18th 11

This should have been an instrumental album. Or at least a rushed Metallica album to properly prepare everyone for the next true Metallica record. An EP, something, anything that didn't have some fucking old coot trying to prove what little relevance he had left in the industry by leaching off of a band who has accomplished more than he ever will. In other words, Lou Reed is FUCKING TERRIBLE. His vocals are irritating and painful, and his lyrics are horrible. There's no art behind what he has to say, it's just senile poetry. But the music is good, albeit repetitive in some areas. That's why I'm hoping for an instrumental release, because I really, really, REALLY hate Lou Reed. Fuck you for trying to drag Metallica down to your level, you old fuck. Go back to making your shitty guitar feedback albums. Yeah I mad.

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1.5 very poortables | October 21st 11
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1.5 very poorJim Thompson | October 21st 11
1.0 awfulpandemonium | October 21st 11
1.0 awfulstefan77 | October 21st 11
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1.5 very poorAaron Moore | October 21st 11
1.5 very poorJoseph Viney STAFF | October 21st 11
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1.5 very poorLolgical | October 21st 11
1.0 awfulthebat675 | October 21st 11
1.0 awfulKody Coats | October 21st 11
1.0 awfulJeremy Bentham | October 21st 11
1.0 awfulpizzamachine | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulfr33convict | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulZackary G | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulSimon Harris (SCREAM!) | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulkeveagle007 | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulJosh S. | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulYoung Buck | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulLambda | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulKing Henry VIII | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulAdam | October 20th 11
2.5 averageJerrad Williams | October 20th 11
1.5 very poorAdam | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulDieDead | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulJosh Gimblett | October 20th 11
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1.5 very poorBon Doe | October 20th 11
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1.5 very poorGraham Fowler | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulMisterSteel | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulVenpts16 | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulethelred07 | October 20th 11
1.5 very poorCtippell | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulRedTravis713 | October 20th 11
1.0 awfullackesse | October 20th 11
1.5 very poorMiika Kuusisto | October 20th 11
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1.0 awfulLaughingMan | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulThompson D. Gerhart STAFF | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulYUJOS | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulfullback | October 20th 11
2.0 poorengleprunt | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulinspectorK | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulIncoming | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulRangerTaffles | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulMatthew Hopkins | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulBauldieovSkills | October 20th 11
2.5 averageAli CONTRIBUTOR | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulFranky666 | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulendtell | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulJonny Hunter CONTRIBUTOR | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulpogpiggielet | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulNacram | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulFeralMemories | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulhelltrip | October 20th 11
1.0 awfulVincent Magnet | October 19th 11
2.0 poorquik40 | October 19th 11
1.0 awfulDinoX | October 19th 11
1.0 awfulthe artist formerly known as lakes | October 19th 11
1.0 awfulDan Schultz | October 19th 11
1.0 awfulVolatile | October 19th 11
1.0 awfulAndy H. B. | October 19th 11
1.0 awfulJohn Lennon beat his wife. | October 19th 11
1.0 awfulGreyShadow | October 19th 11
1.0 awfulelephantREVOLUTION | October 19th 11
1.0 awfulDDconjoined | October 19th 11
1.5 very poorJoe Cahill | October 19th 11
1.0 awfulWhisper | October 5th 11
4.5 superbjrm96 | September 30th 11
1.0 awfulMeat | September 30th 11

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