I've long debated which is the worst Elton John album: is it his 1979 disco misfire "Victim Of Love," or the 1986 debacle "Leather Jackets"? Both albums have the same issue: Elton chases radio friendly trends at the expense of quality control, resulting in a pretty embarrassing affair. I've long gone back and forth, but as of today I can safely say "Leather Jackets" takes the cake.
Whereas "Victim Of Love" is merely bland and forgettable, "Leather Jackets" is at its worst aggressively terrible in a way that sticks with you. Songs like the title song, "Angeline," and "Memory Of Love" stand as some of the most uninspired songs Elton has ever churned out, with laughable lyrics, lazy melodies and just about every cliched sin of 1980s' production. And then there's "Don't Trust This Woman," an unrelentingly misogynist garbage fire of a song co-written with Cher of all people; if the opening line "She's a real ball buster / don't trust her" isn't enough of a warning sign that this is probably Elton's worst song, the metallic keyboard and drums that sound like something from an early Donkey Kong game will certainly drive the point home for you. Even worse, he follows it with the equally awful "Go It Alone," whose pulsating synth drums are headache inducing.
Unlike "Victim Of Love," "Leather Jackets" does have flashes of inspiration and even some songs that could be deemed 'good.' "Hoop Of Fire," despite its 'by the numbers' lyrics about deception, has a simmering tenseness to it that makes it more effective than it has a right to be. "Gypsy Heart" is aided by a charismatic Elton vocal and lovely piano work chord that gives enough spark to consider it decent, if not particularly strong. "Slow Rivers" and "I Fall Apart," the former a duet with Cliff Richard and the latter a harrowing look at Elton's cocaine induced personal turmoil, are both strong ballads aided by the investment Elton puts into his vocals. Even "Heartache Over The World," somehow manages to become a guilty pleasure in that it almost seems like it's supposed to be taken as a parody. Though a married man at the time, Elton singing about "girls, girls, girls" is a pretty far fetched notion, and Elton sings it with a tongue in cheek self awareness that redeems it a little.
The highlight of "Leather Jackets" is the intoxicating ballad "Paris." Bernie's cinematic lyrics, combined with an exotic musical arrangement and Elton's impassioned vocals, do justice to its titular city, making it by far the most inspired moment on the album and one that needed a better home than here.
"Leather Jackets" shows an artist in crisis; the strains of trying to remain commercially relevant combined with the shambles of his personal life are on display throughout, in both the best and worst songs on the album. Thankfully, a vocal scare caused Elton to regroup and reassess his personal and professional affairs, and he's been consistent ever since. Still, time has not been kind to the album, its archaic sound and lack of artistry rendering it an unfortunate misstep on Elton's mostly well paved yellow brick road.
