Review Summary: There goes my churro, watch it as it goooooesssss!
After his previous career playing the cuckold in countless porno movies, sitting in a corner while his wife got railed, petered out, Dave Grohl decided to move to Seattle and become a door-to-door umbrella salesman. There, he met a young Buddhist monk who told him about a magical, serene and rare mind-state called Nirvana. Unable to reach said Nirvana, Grohl said ‘*** it,’ and settled on making some screechy noises and calling that Nirvana instead.
Tragically the lead yeller of Nirvana died at an early age after a horrifying accident. He had decided to go grungy-jumping with some friends one day, and during his dip, the grungy cord snapped, causing him to plunge to his death. Bereft with grief, Grohl swore he would never record good music again, a promise which he has solemnly kept for decades.
The Foo Fighters formed after an epiphany moment in Grohl’s life. He had been sitting in a park watching a bearded man eat some custard while a bee circled him. Grohl watched the man repeatedly shoo the bee away. Finally, frustrated, the man took his custard and ran away from the bee, crossing the street, only to be run over by a honey truck. Grohl couldn’t believe the injustice, but did appreciate the poetic continuity. So he went out looking for some foo, beat the *** out of it and formed a club to commemorate the occasion. Naturally.
His life took a dark turn when Al Qaeda put a Bounty on his head, preventing him from walking around freely, as the chocolate bar would fall off constantly. It was then that Grohl decided he had had enough. He skipped, sashayed and ruffled his way to the studio and recorded his protest album There Is Nothing Left To Lose. It was only years later that he realized that simply super-gluing the Bounty to his head would have solved all his problems and spared people having to listen to the album.
Things took a turn for the better after legendary gynecologist and occasional guitarist Pap Smear joined his band for their next heavily conceptual undertaking. The album, sponsored by McDonald’s, was a manifesto of peace, uniting all warring nations under the banner of We All Eat French Fries The Same Way, and was subsequently called One By One. It did stir minor controversy as fat people with grubby sausage hands protested that they in fact eat fries by the shovel-load. The events were documented by famed Colombian writer Gabriel Garcia Marquez in his prize-winning book Love in the Times of Cholesterol.
Grohl’s next project would become his most personal. In Your Honor was dedicated to Alan Bean. If you had to look up who that was, shame on you. There have only been 14 people who’ve been to the Moon (not counting Michael Jackson) and you can only name Armstrong and Aldrin probably. You know more Kardashian sisters and Black Flag singers than ***ing Moon-walkers. Following the album’s release, Grohl was briefly investigated by the FBI as a sleeper spy from Britain, as someone had noticed that The Colour and the Shape had a ‘u’ in it, while In Your Honor did not. In the end, it turned out that no one gave a single *** about any of it.
Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace was another concept record, describing the four meta-stages of listening to a Foo Fighters album. The vague Echoes of what constitutes rock music as you listen for the first time. The awkward Silence that ensues as you consider sticking a fork in any available outlet just to alleviate the boredom. The tremendous Patience it takes you to understand how someone stole an hour of your time AND made you pay him for it. And the ensuing Grace as you finally understand the lesson behind it all – You were the Foo all along.
Which brings us to this album. Wasting Light. I don’t know how Grohl does it personally. You’d think he’d be more tired of it than you at this point. But I will say this. Here is a link to a song by underground cult punk band Death from Michigan. The song is called Keep On Knocking. That song is everything Grohl wanted the Foo Fighters to sound like and has ***ed up over and over again. It’s times like these you learn to live again, ass-wipe.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAZ9R2t5Jd0
