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Review Summary: No. Once upon a time there was a grand brotherhood of musicians, named Opeth. Opeth ruled a kingdom known to the musical lands as "Maehtal", later simply shortened to Metal. The leader of the pack was Mikael Akerfeldt, and it was said that his voice would boom with the authority of a lion during the day, and calm herds of antelope with his soothing song at night. Metal all fell under his massive shadow, as he ruled with dignity and grace for over a decade. Then, one night in his sleep, he was visited by the ghost of an old king - sir Crimson. Crimson, an apt ruler in his day, managed to continue to sway the tides of the music world well beyond his grave...an unnatural gift. Crimson poisoned the mind of Akerfeldt, and told him that he must only play Crimson's music so that the village people could continue to glorify his name and rejoice in his accomplishments. Thus Akerfeldt decreed a new law called "Heritage", which stated that he would no longer reign over the lands with his booming declarations and only would whisper, yodel, and craft poor transitions. The other members of his brotherhood, Opeth, tried in vain to convince Akerfeldt otherwise, but soon they succumbed to the curse as well. Three years later, poor king Akerfeldt's mind remains entombed in the curse of Crimson. His latest decree, Pale Communion, issues a statement that 70's prog will live on forever through meandering, extremely derivative 2000's metal. It is said that one day a savior will arrive and unpoison Akerfeldt's mind; but until then, the kingdom of Metal suffers a great indignity and the loss of one of its greatest kings.
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Album Rating: 2.5
Has Mastodon come forth to fulfill the prophecy??? Stay tuned.
| | | Album Rating: 3.0 | Sound Off
funnier review than I wanted it to be.
| | | Album Rating: 4.0
Album rules, chuckled a few times reading this tho gotta say.
| | | Album Rating: 1.5
Probably my least favorite Opeth record. Heritage had bad ideas, but this record doesn't have ideas at all, one hour of filler and very few moments of decency.
Sorceress is not bad though, hopefully the trend will continue.
| | | Album Rating: 3.0
nice
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lol
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this review is genuinely great
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never heard of this band
they any good?
| | | Album Rating: 3.0
review summary is lol
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lol?
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lol.
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lul
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lol heritage is definitely better than this, but I still wouldn't know how to rate it. after reading this a 2.5 seems adequate for some reason, though
| | | Album Rating: 3.0
i enjoy this review, although it's honestly a few years late given their newest album has them falling even deeper down this shitty hole
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"and craft poor transitions"
almost made this 3-year-late blurp of a review worth it
| | | Album Rating: 3.0
unusually bad writeup
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I read your review summary and my first thought was: rolling stone is going to call you to do reviews for their magazine.
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obliteration has returned to save metal
| | | Album Rating: 3.0
best summary ever
| | | Album Rating: 3.5
I'm still bitter about peeps not liking Sorceress
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