Review Summary: Because you're worth it..
With song titles like "The Mossy Skeleton's Rib-cage Turned to Charred Limbs Slowly, while My Step-Father Touched My No-No Places and Recited Lord of the Rings by heart like the Manchurian Candidate," and "Gnomes Conducted Glistening Orgies Under the Crimson Stars," this band deftly weaves together the subtle and intricate poetic/sonic tapestries that make up the dull roar of Dungeons and Dragons-induced sexlessness. For some, abstinence is a room to pass through in the relentless march of life. For others, it is a cage they're nailed into.
On a slightly positive note, music like this is why you can still rent a sub-basement apartment for next to nothing. But once in a while, I see a heavily-bearded man in a T-shirt that has cute death-metal swirlies on it, eye a nail gun on sale at a hardware store, and think to myself: "Someone's eating pancakes covered in dish soap and deer-blood for breakfast tomorrow."
The other day, I saw a guy walk into a bar in a denim vest with stickers on the back, but not like Josh Homme or anything, and I remember thinking: "I wonder what it's like to dress every day like you're autistic and think it's Halloween outside."
I blame Robert Plant and Game of Thrones for all that has happened to us. Some people watch My Little Pony and think "It's not enough," so they put bat wings on a horse and make a gaunt Skeletor-looking woman ride it (Kate Moss, maybe). Just be yourself, man. Those sweaters your mother made you wear in sixth grade are timeless. She wasn't trying to hurt you. I believe it's important to have interests, to find a cause in life, to belong to something bigger than yourself, but being a conscientious objector to the War on Poor Hygiene may or may not be it.
To summarize, AXE is not acceptable deodorant for grown-ups, even if it has cool names like Pigeon Sphincter or Aborted Weasel *** Puff.
To further summarize, I will leave you with the only tangible thing I learned in couples' therapy. "When-you-scream-those-cruel-inane-things-at-me-it-makes-me-sad."
