Review Summary: Pure, unrelenting beauty. Truly the highest form of art possible in music.
The first time listening to Ted Nugent’s masterpiece of an album “Shutup&jam” I cried harder than I have ever cried before. Never in my life have I heard such beautiful sounds that fill me to the brim with emotions I never thought possible, it felt like I was constantly having sex while winning the lotto at the same time. This album is like a beautiful naked women standing in front of you with a seductive smile, you got to grab her by the tits and go all in without looking back or thinking of herpes.
Ted simply does not play the works of high art found on this album, he unleashes them onto you. Take for example what may be the crown jewel in this album, “I Love My BBQ”. Just the way Ted talks about his meat and his BBQ makes me want to get on my knees and have Ted shove a big piece of his meat down my mouth as I suck the succulent juices from it. This song is all inclusive, Ted wants to put his meat into the mouths of Canadians, Americans, Africans, Germans, everyone basically regardless of gender, age or race, this is a song nobody will feel left out of, everyone can choke down a huge hunk of Ted’s tasty red meat. Other topics covered on this album include firearms, hot bitches and America, so there is quite a bit of diversity to it, these topics will also likely appeal to hardcore hip-hop fans too considering most rap songs are about those things and nobody like Ice Cube stands a chance at telling you how f*cking awesome firearms are like Uncle Ted. A few other highlights of this orgasmic album include "Throttle Down" where Ted wanks the sh*t out of his old guitar like his wrinkled dick and cums all over our ears while we cry tears of joy and "Screaming Eagles" which makes me just want to climb to the top of Mount Rushmore and scream “America f*ck yeah!” while chugging down a beer and shoving a football (a real American football, not that pussy European one) deep into my ass.
Overall this album is just perfect in every way possible and appeals to everyone who ever existed or is yet to exist. Uncle Ted proves on this album that he is truly a God among men (not even Kanye got *** on him) ready to kick Michael Moore’s and Obama’s asses and shot the *** out of vermin while holding the American flag high for all the world to see. Truly this is the most important album of the year bar none and there is zero chance of anyone releasing something that will surpass the quality of this.
5 white stars on the beautiful flag/ 5