Styx
Kilroy Was Here


2.0
poor

Review

by John weathered old reviewer Hanson STAFF
April 8th, 2006 | 26 replies


Release Date: 1983 | Tracklist

Review Summary: The Rise and Fall

The 70's; what a murky time. The nation of Rock N Roll prospered like it never had before.; the states of Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, and KISS flourished, whilst new provinces such as Chicago, Boston, and even Neo-New Jersey (nicknamed Bruce Springsteen) were beginning to see bright futures. Throughout all of this, a small town known for individual exports, but very rarely any sort of large agriculture, sprung up. It had one of the most recognizable public speakers to ever grace Rock N Roll; Dennis DeYoung. Surrounded by a strong cabinet, including Tommy Shaw, Dennis DeYoung led his fledgling state, Styx, into the annals of the modern world.

However, Styx was not without its problem. It was well known many of the leaders felt DeYoung was power hungry, and tried to reign in the state to his own will. Although a fair balance had been kept throughout the "Glorious 70s" at the turn of the next decade, a series of events transpired that finally forced the promising Styx to crumble in on itself. My name is Iluvatar, and I'll be the one leading you through the events that led to this disaster. Just let it be known- Kilroy Was Here

Mr. Roboto
It all began with the arrival of a strange new man, who deemed himself Mr. Roboto. He seemed nice enough; he brought with him fascinating synthesizers and keyboards, and had a voice that inspired some to follow him. However, after a short while of merely passing through, he proclaimed his true identity, and it was frightful: He was a cheese salesman. No one had ever seen one as cheesy as him; in fact, few had heard stories of one more in tune with cheese than he was. Although his words still inspired some (his declaration of him not being a hero, although perplexing to some, was still quite a moving sentiment), they were mostly lost in the sea of cheese he had brought. There was great debate among the leaders of the state as to what to do; and eventually the nation split unto itself. Thus the Cold War was began.

Cold War
Although it started with a rather strong sense of fervor, the Cold War was a surprising letdown. It was marked by a rather happy time, and many felt a sudden urge to do a little jig while on their way. People started speaking in cliches and silly rhymes, the line "I say you're a thing of the past, and you aint gonna last" was a favorite amongst the upper class at the time. Certainly there were moments of activity, about halfway a lone soldier marched his way through the town of Solo and, some would say, demolished more territory than every other act during the war combined. Unfortunately, the Cold War eventually lost steam even in the people who had originally started its conception, and as one last stand, President DeYoung proclaimed "Don't Let it End." What a wasted effort.

Don't Let it End
President DeYoung's speech at the end of the Cold War was a huge event in global affairs. Simply titled "Don't Let it End´┐Ż", DeYoung asked his followers to continue on with their struggle to allow the cheese man, Mr. Roboto, to stay. It was a powerful message, and in fact, the soldier who had gone through the town of Solo was so inspired, he made another attempt to annex the separated half of Styx, but unlike last time, it was not enough to save the state. Later, a sad fact was revealed about the speech: Mr. Roboto himself had been the one to write it, and before he made it, DeYoung had eaten 3 pounds of Ricotta cheese. By this time, it was obvious Mr. Roboto and his cheesiness was destroying Styx's very foundation; for whilst there had always been a good supply of it in the nation, cheese had never been so readily available. It was around this time that the High Time came for the DeYoung led portion of the state; for the speech did make a large impact for his cause, regardless of how we look back on it in history.

High Time
Technology abounded in the High Time. However, the time was so boring, very few remember it. There are vague recollections of people saying "It's High Time!" as per instructed, but unfortunately, the time was a rather bad, bland period. Unless you were a supporter of DeYoung and Mr. Roboto, for then the free cheese being handed out would be a welcome gift to you. It also gave rise to one of the worst bands of all time, Mr. Roboto's rock band "Heavy Metal Poisoning".

Heavy Metal Poisoning
A short biography is in order for this abysmal, terrible, sucktastic, abhorrent, blasphemous´┐Ż-oh, excuse me. I cannot help but cringe in disgust at the thought of how bad they were. Mr. Roboto brought along what he called the "cheesesizer" along with a trudging pace and a message for the ages: "First we'll spank your big behinds." The band, unlike many aspects of the Styx empires fall, was never thought of as anything but an atrocious failure. In the end, after trying to bring in the children of Styx and even the Soldier who had gone through Solo, Heavy Metal Poisoning failed to be anything other than a forgettable romp through the annals of a collapsing empire. Best forget I ever even mentioned them. In fact, an account of how one poor soul got through a concert that was held near his home is held in the tome "Just Get Through This Night."

Just Get Through This Night
The poor soul was in fact the ex-cabinet member, Tommy Shaw. The book also contained his entire account of the Kilroynian era, and was a veritable masterpiece. Soft spoken, he detailed his journey with words that even taken out of context, would be a strong message of hope. The mood set is a tranquil one, and anyone who had heard Tommy's strange yet comforting voice could be veritably set at peace by the novel. Also included was his account of Solo, which led to a startling realization to many: Shaw had in fact been leading a Double Life, for he was the Soldier!

Double Life
DeYoung had had enough with Shaw, and sent assassins to finally put an end to him. The chase that ensued is one of the most memorable in that of Styx's history. When Shaw was in complete control of himself, he carefully avoided the killers, using all of his dark contacts to help him get through his plight. When he transformed into Soldier, he become loud and arrogant, yet his strength and drive was such that none of the assassins could hope to match up to him. Unfortunately, as the chase ended, Shaw slowly began to realize that there was no hope left for him. As his last act before he finally submitted to the endless downpour of assassins, he wrote the final classic song of his life: "Haven't We Been Here Before?"

Haven't We Been Here Before?
Combining his strong voice and the guitar talent Soldier had always shown, Shaw finally realized the full potential he had shown in all his years in DeYoung's background, finally crafting his own piece of art to be remembered by. With a soft acoustic guitar, a strong and passionate lyrical and vocal performance, Shaw began a trip through his memory lane of life: citing all the hate he had seen through it, and finally announcing, despite all of the trouble he had been put through by DeYoung and many others, that a "heart can change overnight."

After Shaw's death, the nation of Styx finally turned upon DeYoung. Despite his best efforts to reprise his famous "Don't Let it End" sentiments, even declaring his wish that Rock N Roll be kept alive (as even outside of Styx, Rock N Roll was falling apart), yet it was to cries of anger and aguish that he had allowed Mr. Roboto to pervade nearly every crevice of their daily lives. As DeYoung was ultimately expelled from Styx, and Shaw was raised from his grave (although merely a shell of his previous self), Mr. Roboto merely smiled to himself. In their rush to attack Styx, no one had realized that he was the real problem. He knew that it happened to many other nations during the time, and he knew it would continue to occur for years and years to come. People would attack their leaders for the excess of cheese in their fair cities, yet never realized it was them who had demanded it in the first place. The time of Styxs fall was shameful and without much merit, and while Shaw may have given us interesting things to dwell on in the wake of the nations death, even his last minute efforts are not enough to raise this period from the depths of Styxs rather glorious history. It was a sign of the times, really: Rock N Roll itself was cultivating cheese in mass amounts, and besides a few secular nations, no one could escape it. This is Iluvatar, and that was the history of when Kilroy Was Here



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Comments:Add a Comment 
Iluvatar
Staff Reviewer
April 8th 2006


16089 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

This review was purely for my own satisfaction. I would neg it myself if I hadn't written it, heh.

Neoteric
April 8th 2006


3243 Comments


amusing review, quite funny.

The Jungler
April 8th 2006


4827 Comments


How does it feel to be the first to ever review a real Styx album?

Anyways the review was well done. Although I don't like Styx that much, some of their songs are quite good (Renegade for example).

temporary
April 8th 2006


207 Comments


Unlike most reviews like this, you review both amused me and actually told me about the album. Great job.

Iluvatar
Staff Reviewer
April 8th 2006


16089 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

This review was a fun song, eh?

And thanks for positive comments guys, I was quite afraid of what would be said about this review. Mainly because the people who proofread it (who didnt know who styx was...yeah...) thought I was writing the outline to some strange tale...oh well, you live and you learn.

711
April 8th 2006


1341 Comments


Haha, awsome review, it was fun to read :thumb:

do more like this.

pattern_recognition
April 8th 2006


950 Comments


'Hi, you're on the air with Kiss Forum, Rhode Island Public Access' best show about Kiss.'
'Uh, yeah, uh...Kiss sucks!'
'Whoa, whoa, wait a minute! I recognise that voice! Is this Dennis DeYoung, lead singer from Styx?'
'Yeah...yeah it's me. It's Dennis.'
'Well how about I play a little Detroit Rock City and a little Come Sail Away and we'll see who rocks harder?'
Nice review Iluvatar. I dig. Keep it up son

Iluvatar
Staff Reviewer
April 8th 2006


16089 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

So I take it you guys dug the review style? Because I have much grander plans for this...oh, April 25th, how I strangely anticipate your coming...

MetalOz
April 10th 2006


20 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

I think the review was great... the only problem is I now desire to listen to the album and I know it sucks

...kind of like staring at a train wreck

Iluvatar
Staff Reviewer
April 10th 2006


16089 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

Short answer: It's a culture thing in the army, in WW II and the Korean War, "Kilroy was the first to arrive at the battlefield, and the last to leave."

The long answer can be found http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kilroy_was_here. I This Message Edited On 04.10.06

punknmetal4lyf
March 14th 2007


50 Comments


Interesting and funny way to sum up the disaster that was Mr. Roboto. Poor Styx, that's what they get to be remembered for.

Iluvatar
Staff Reviewer
May 29th 2009


16089 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

Dave this should be cleaned up and featured

Waior
August 10th 2009


11461 Comments


why is there no review for older styx material

what is happening

omnipanzer
July 11th 2011


21661 Comments


Love this review.

Iluvatar
Staff Reviewer
July 11th 2011


16089 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

holy fuck this review lol

trymedude
July 11th 2011


151 Comments


too many coding errors

omnipanzer
July 11th 2011


21661 Comments


/blush

It's really good sir, I kinda have a crush on you know.

* kicks a pebble

fish.
Contributing Reviewer
July 11th 2011


22090 Comments


I remember being obsessed with the songs Mr Roboto and Lady when I first got my iPod

Digging: Andy Stott - Faith in Strangers

Iluvatar
Staff Reviewer
July 11th 2011


16089 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

yeah im fixing the coding errors right now, give it like 3 minutes and itll be fixed.

Iluvatar
Staff Reviewer
July 11th 2011


16089 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

sonic do you remember when everyone copied me and started writing retarded concept reviews

lol idiots



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