Review Summary: Quote from a fellow named 'Wisecracka': "This music can stay in the other dimension".
Aerosmith or Pharaohsh*t? Cause this ballad sh*t is getting OLD.
Geez, I can't even prepare to embark on a journey to begin to comprehend WHAT was going through their minds when they were writing this POS album. Have they forgotten about a little something? Like, uhm, oh I dunno, THEY'RE A FRIGGIN ROCK BAND OR WHAT?
These guys wanna be the Michael Bolton of rock or something? Whatever happened to aiming to be the Michael JORDAN of whatever it is you do? I know there has been somewhat of a 80s hard rock revival lately, but man! Bring it down! David Coverdale is in da howze. I'm sure he's relishing the sugar sweet sappiness right now!
And the songtitles, bwaaaahahaha. Just one look, that's all it took, yeah, just one looook, that's all it took!
One glance at the tracklist and you know, you KNOW, there are gonna be at least ten ballads to wallow through. Wow, these guys must've been through some bad breakups lately. Cry cry cry. Why don't you get together and eat some strawberry icecream and jack each other off instead of drowning us in your love songs, hm?
Goddamn man, this friggin Whitesnake II or something? LUV XXX, What Could Have Been LUV, Can't Stop LUVing You, LUVer Alot? Come on, girls. Come on.
Let me save you the misery of actually listening to this album, by sacrificing myself, going song-by-song (more like song-after-song):
- LUV XXX: Deeecent! Not bad, a good opener with a nice midsection and guitar solo.
- Oh Yeah: Meh. Filler. Not horrible. The female backing vocals are a nice touch. Too bad they use it in the wrong songs later on.
- Beautiful: That riff is so poser metal, but not too bad. WHAT THE F*CK IS THAT CHORUS? CHEEEEESY. Potential not fully realized.
- Tell Me: Ballad? Instant skip.
- Out Go the Lights: Ah, the almighty cheesy cowbell. Not looking too good. Little part from Legendary Child. A bit too long.
- Legendary Child: The first new song I heard. Not too bad. But the lame 'woahoos' suck. Leave that to Coldplay, they do it better than you.
- What Could Have Been Love: Power ballad? NEXT.
- Street Jesus: I like it. Fast one! L.A.C, that's LAME. ASS. CHORUS, though. Haha, poser Gary Glitter Ready To Rock midsection.
- Can't Stop Loving You: No.
- Lover Alot: Repetitive chorus is repetitive. Other than that, nice verses from Steve. Sounds kinda cut and pasted though.
- We All Fall Down: Sigh.
- Freedom Fighter: Lame ass poser lyrics. The whole song sounds kinda poser. Woahoahoah. Too overproduced for my taste.
- Closer: What, AGAIN? Stop it, ladies!
- Something: Lame ass vocals. Too slow and not the good kind of slow. The draggy kind.
- Another Last Goodbye: F*CK! IT'S GODDAMN CHEESE AFTER CHEESE WITH YOU GUYS, HUH? But hey, Desmond Child, whaddaya expect?
And THEN some, three bonus songs:
- Up On the Mountain: Nice riff! Decent song, with some nice Eastern sounding phrases throughout. Lame monotone vocals, sadly.
- Oasis In The Night: Acoustic song, not a fan of that kinda stuff, but at least it's not a power ballad. Kinda depressing, ffs.
- Sunny Side of Love: Poppy woppy sop.
Bottom line: Too many ballads, sh*tty compressed ear fatiguing production (though not as horrendous as KISS' 'Monster', I guess I can be nice about that), too many ballads, too many female backing vocals a la 'The Fabulous Little Richard' and too many ballads.
Also, 15 songs (excluding bonus tracks!) is too ***ing much. You definitely could've left out some goddamn ballads. First half of the album is decent, second half suffers from overflowing banal balladry.
The production will probably mean that I'm not going to listen to it too much, but it's not like I'm never EVER going to listen to it again, like with the new KISS album.
On a positive note, the rockers are AWESOME. VERY inspired songwriting. Lots of good ideas (just as many bad ones too, though). Nice album cover, with the names in that movie poster style font and all that.
However, the new album comes across too much like you guys were writing to get laid instead of delivering some decent Aerosmith-style rock music. Don't get me wrong, the rockers are amazing, not perfect, but definitely good stuff!
BUT. The ballads really throw off the balance. Way too much fluff and not enough ruff.
Well, I'm feelin' generous, feelin' fine today! How about a 2.0? A 2.0 will do. Man, I'm being nice today! Could've been 4.0 or even a 4.5 if this was an EP with rockers only or a full-length with 1 ballad, and decent production. I'm willing to overlook one ballad (by skipping it). However, I can't be bothered to keep skipping tracks, let alone just take out all the ballads, giving me very little value for the price of the album.
BTW, how OLD do these guys look?? I mean the rhythm guitarist and the drummer look decent enough, but GOD, the bass player could be my grandma! Actually, now I'm just insulting my grandmother, she's gorgeous. So I take that back. Steve makes Gene Simmons look like a chick magnet and Joe, well, man man man, let me just be nice and say that he hasn't aged well. Don't do drugs people. Or that is what you'll look like. God, and those clothes, don't even make me...
Did I already tell you that I absolutely loathe ballads in rock music?