Blindead
Affliction XXIX II MCMXCVI


4.5
superb

Review

by Scott Krasman USER (31 Reviews)
June 7th, 2012 | 81 replies


Release Date: 2010 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Self-consciousness is desire. After 38 weeks, my new playground became dark and gray…so it feels like misunderstanding when all my hopes and dreams turn into affliction.

Unwanted.

It hurts to be unwanted. Neither of them expected this. They think that I am unable to read the disappointment on their faces every time I bring home another failed test for them to sign. What parent wants to deal with raising a child that will never be able to contribute to society? To them, I am nothing more than a burden.

The others know. They know that I am different, that I don’t belong among the masses. Though I try desperately to fit in with the rest of my peers, my disorder makes me stick out like a drop of blood on a sheet of paper. I can’t learn as they learn, feel as they feel or grow as they grow. As far as anyone else is concerned, I am an island unto myself. I have watched my classmates mature and take their first steps towards adulthood, leaving me with my arms outstretched like a pitiful beggar. They have forgotten me, even though they never knew me to begin with. Soon they will all gain and lose jobs, marry and divorce, win some and lose some…it’s all part of the game. I wasn’t even invited out to play. Most of them don’t even realize how lucky they are to be average at all. To them, average is not good enough. They want to be better, stronger, faster, smarter – anything but what they actually are. Nobody realizes what I would trade just to be in their shoes, free from this torment.

It’s gotten to the point where I can no longer make eye contact for long periods of time. The others stare into my mind and plant thoughts in my head about the future. Behind every soft-spoken lie, there is a malevolent smile urging me to believe it. I want so much to believe, but I just can’t. Positive emotion is nothing but a trick, baiting me into wondering if things might get better one day. I know that they won’t. The others watch me finish puzzle after puzzle, matching thousands of deformed shapes together to form pictures of mountains I’ll never be able to conquer. They wonder why I can’t perform in other areas of my life with similar proficiency. They will always wonder, and I will never be able to tell them why.

There is a castle in the ocean behind my house. Though none of the others can see it, I have spent much of my life in its halls. It first came to me in a dream when I was very young. All I need to do to go there is close my eyes. The corridors are all empty. There, I can be normal. Pain doesn’t exist. I am free to be anything I want to be. I can scream until the vessels in my throat burst and turn to ash, and nothing will happen to me. I can smash every window, flip every table and set fire to every mattress without consequence. And when I’m at my most vulnerable, nobody can ridicule my sorrows. I am content.

Sometimes, the others come looking for me when I go there. I hear them calling my name, beckoning me back into a life that will never accept my condition. They don’t know that every time I come back into their world, a piece of me stays in the castle.

One day, I might not come back.



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user ratings (167)
Chart.
4.1
excellent

Comments:Add a Comment 
scissorlocked
June 7th 2012


3510 Comments


what?


Scoot
June 7th 2012


17773 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

first ever concept review for an absolutely brilliant album that desperately needed a review

this is a must listen if you like post-metal. it's a concept album about the effects of autism

camaraderie
June 7th 2012


988 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

How intriguing.

xenocide.
June 7th 2012


1187 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

The most suitable kind of review for this album. Thank you Scoot. Pos.

Trebor.
Contributing Reviewer
June 7th 2012


50455 Comments


cool cover

Digging: Viper the Rapper - You'll Cowards Don't Even Smoke Crack

camaraderie
June 7th 2012


988 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

I love the summary.

D41V30N
June 7th 2012


949 Comments


This so needed a review. Album is fuckin' gorgeous.

Shukal
June 7th 2012


59 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

finally a review for this. pos.

Scoot
June 7th 2012


17773 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

the summary is simply the track names arranged in order

thanks guys, wasn't sure how this was going to be received

Shuyin
June 7th 2012


11703 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

album needed a review pretty hard, pos'd even harder, great review.

Digging: Django Reinhardt - Djangology

camaraderie
June 7th 2012


988 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

Exactly why. It's usually incredibly lame when people try to do it, but this one was on purprose.

Scoot
June 7th 2012


17773 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

yeah i couldn't really think of a better way to do it

Tyrael
June 7th 2012


20884 Comments


masterpiece

Digging: Darkspace - Dark Space III I

Maniac!
June 7th 2012


26250 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

Didn't I rec you this?

Maniac!
June 7th 2012


26250 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

Nice write-up, although it doesn't give any insight to what the album is like whatsoever. Maybe try a hybrid style next time?

JosephLong
June 7th 2012


301 Comments


maniac is gay and fag

Maniac!
June 7th 2012


26250 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

maniac is gay and fag [2]

Scoot
June 7th 2012


17773 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

@KILL sweet neg bud though i will agree the new rush is good

@maniac i tried that and it fell through, too hard to keep things balanced

glezz
June 7th 2012


235 Comments


Where is the fucking music review for this album?

Ignimbrite
June 7th 2012


5354 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

holy shitdicks, this finally got a review! great job, amazing album.

although I will agree that, while this is well-written and all, it doesn't as much musical insight as it should. either way, pos.

Digging: This Will Destroy You - Another Language



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