One Direction
Up All Night


2.5
average

Review

by ConsiderPhlebas USER (34 Reviews)
April 30th, 2012 | 16 replies | 2,230 views


Release Date: 2011 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Strange milky moments

13 of 16 thought this review was well written

People love to shit all over manufactured bands, from the Sex Pistols all the way to them other ones that were manufactured. Fountains of slimy brown slop all over the damn place. Both messy and inconvenient. No matter how much you wash it, the stain will be their forever, mocking you on those lonely nights and reminding you over and over again, bringing back that desperate evacuation like an old friend whom you secretly dislike. One Direction were manufactured, shortly before their hilarious, abject failure in the final of X Factor. It doesn't matter what year they failed, it is simply enough to know that they failed. Since then the boys have received new haircuts, which has led to paralleled levels of success. They have also been made to squeak things into microphones, like children, which has slightly tarnished their success, but thankfully the one with curly hair has stumbled ever closer to androgynous manlesshood, so the panic has subsided. For now.

Said curly-haired one sings on 'Tell Me a Lie', with such lines as: 'I have telegraphed the past to know the moon, if only Raymond heard my voice, then perhaps I could evolve to a state of consciousness beyond this mortal coil. Why me, God? Why me?' Ignoring the obvious allusions to Shakespeare, this type of lyricism displays an unusual level of concern. The words drill into your mind like you would not want them to under the circumstances. One of the other ones takes a turn at singing, namely within the song known to many as 'Gotta Be You'. In a frightening, possibly even dangerous baritone, he delivers such lines as: 'Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream; the financial situation of the Western world right now is particularly disturbing and I for one am against it.' Some may decry the blatant attempt to add a political subtext to what is, in essence.

The album is built upon the whispered lies of angels, falling from the mad, hedonistic excess of heaven. With an undeniable sense of things happening, the songs exist, in a chosen order. With advances in technology, people can now choose to alter that order, perhaps even deciding to listen to the entire thing in some sort of random configuration where surprise will take an invasive, possibly unwelcome footing, only for the listener to then realise. All in all, One Direction are, in many different ways.



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user ratings (242)
Chart.
1.4
very poor
other reviews of this album
Green Baron (1.5)
The boy bands must NOT win....

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...


Comments:Add a Comment 
MO
April 30th 2012



18234 Comments


have a pos, lolband

Digging: Immolation - Dawn of Possession

PurpleDino
April 30th 2012



3049 Comments


hhahahahaha

Scoot
April 30th 2012



17681 Comments


i'm sure this goes

Digging: Unjust - Glow

Spec
April 30th 2012



27054 Comments


milky

StrangerofSorts
Contributing Reviewer
April 30th 2012



2714 Comments


You kind of built this whole review out of one idea but eh, I still enjoyed reading it.

thumbcrusher
April 30th 2012



3575 Comments


lol great read

STOP SHOUTING!
April 30th 2012



631 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0

didn't think this worked at all.

TooManyFriends
April 30th 2012



487 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

THIS SCORE IS TOO DAMN HIGH

ConsiderPhlebas
April 30th 2012



6157 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

Rating was chosen at random. The rating system doesn't accommodate for non-music. I was intensely drunk when I wrote this, surprised to see it holds up grammatically.

BaseballJames
April 30th 2012



369 Comments


I lol'd. Have a pos.

TheFonz123
April 30th 2012



2795 Comments


you're one of my favorite reviewers on the site. Actually, I think the reviewing aspect is my favorite part about sputnik.

LifeAsAChipmunk
April 30th 2012



4854 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Amazing band. Awful review.

IMZA1793
April 30th 2012



843 Comments


lol this review's awesome

johnnydeking29
May 26th 2012



8987 Comments


Lol this review, pos'd
I'm betting that no-one in this 'band' has ever actually been up all night; you can imagine the dialogue with their management; "Alright guys, that was a great concert, now get to sleep by 11:30"

Digging: Naked City - Radio

keepplayingthemusic
September 19th 2012



2 Comments


The Review was okay and i bought the album at this insane store:

http://davisk.gps5.com/shop.php?c=Music&n=301668&i=B006ZZAMWK&x=Up_All_Night

demigod!
October 22nd 2012



43857 Comments


God these guys suck

Digging: Black Flag - My War



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