M.A.R.S.
Project: Driver


3.5
great

Review

by KJ Swantko USER (33 Reviews)
April 15th, 2012 | 19 replies


Release Date: 1986 | Tracklist

Review Summary: A perfect dosage of gayness and legit guitar playing

What do you get when you take Tony MacAlpine, some other bros, and throw them in a blender in 1986? You get a really cheesy “metal” album, and it kicks ass. It’s no wonder this album flopped commercially when it came out. Straight up, everything from the lyrics, to the riffs, and the entire package the boys are trying to sell us is pretty gay. Not like Cinderella gay though. Maybe Winger-gay with a touch of Priest, or there abouts. But for all this gaydom, we can’t neglect how badass Tony MacAlpine is and his ability to piss fire when he starts into a solo. He by himself makes this album legit.

You know what was great about 1986? Dudes back then just didn’t even care. They ripped on the guitar and drank beer and cool stuff like that. Nowadays all these metal bros want to be tough and come across as elites and it gets lame. All these critics back then who gave this album a bad review were just ***bags. “Shut your cunt and just jam it bro” is what I’d tell them. They were probably just angry MacAlpine could ram his guitar up their rectum and play better than they could. I mean c’mon, not every album needs to be creative!

One will look at this album and say, “ugh it’s so cliché, look at those album titles!” And that is exactly correct! Look at them! They’re so cliché and so gay and so predictable that it is great. “Slave To My Touch“….if that’s not a perfect 80’s song then I don’t know what is. Even the album cover looks cool. Damn. There’s nothing to not like about this album unless you’re some pretentious critic, and if that’s the case then just shove a Viking spear up your twat and die.

Straight up, listen to solos like that on Nostradamus and Writings On The Wall and try to tell me they aren’t good. You can’t. TheNotrap rec’d me this album and he was dead on because he knows what he’s talking about. It just owns. Plain and simple. If you don’t agree then you probably possess overtly gay characteristics, but not even in the cool way like this album. And make sure to check out the song “I Can See it In Your Eyes” because it’s my favorite here. Basically these dudes just jammed and killed it and it came out great, just like sometimes when you don't feel like exerting too much effort for writing a review and want to just tell it like it is. Keep it metal, metal brothers! m/



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user ratings (5)
Chart.
3.8
excellent

Comments:Add a Comment 
KjSwantko
April 14th 2012


9448 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

Wrote this in 10min

darkwargreymon
April 15th 2012


188 Comments


Nice review

KjSwantko
April 15th 2012


9448 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

Thanks m/

TheNotrap
April 15th 2012


8132 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5 | Sound Off

Hell yeah badass review.

"There’s nothing to not like about this album unless you’re some pretentious critic"
Damn right.

Bought this album back in the 80's, song like Nations on Fire, Stand Up and Fight, Unknown Survivor, Fantasy or I Can See It in Your Eyes bring back good memories.

Thanks for mention me bro, keep rockin'
m/

Digging: Funebrarum - The Sleep of Morbid Dreams

Ending
April 15th 2012


1919 Comments


“ugh it’s so cliché, look at those album titles!”

I think you meant, "song titles" here. But editing seems to be down as of now, so I guess it'll have to wait to be changed.

KjSwantko
April 15th 2012


9448 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

Yeah there was a couple things I wanted to edit but couldn't for that reason. Np trap m/

JamieTwort
Contributing Reviewer
April 15th 2012


21577 Comments


Sweet review Kj m/

I need to check this out.

Digging: Foxes in Fiction - Ontario Gothic

KjSwantko
April 15th 2012


9448 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

Do it bro m/

sputnik1
April 16th 2012


187 Comments


Should be a 4.0.

TheNotrap
December 31st 2012


8132 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5 | Sound Off

Hey great review!
m/


KjSwantko
December 31st 2012


9448 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

Thanks! Who are all these fags that Neg my reviews? I don't get it!

And yeah album rules in a cheesy '80s sense. Tony MacAlpine ftw.

TheNotrap
December 31st 2012


8132 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5 | Sound Off

The dudes need to face the truth.


KjSwantko
December 31st 2012


9448 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

Seriously, they're prob just mad because this isn't as heavy as emmure and they don't like it so they neg me.

TheNotrap
December 31st 2012


8132 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5 | Sound Off

Damn only 3 rates...

KILL
December 31st 2012


72280 Comments


haha that band pic, i bet this goes hard

Digging: Throwing Muses - Throwing Muses

TheNotrap
December 31st 2012


8132 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5 | Sound Off

Bro...this is a easy 4 for you...
Just think 80's dresscode.


TheNotrap
December 31st 2012


8132 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5 | Sound Off

You dig Malmsteen's debut right?


KjSwantko
December 31st 2012


9448 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

haha that band pic rules. Macalpine's hair is like 2 feet tall.

KILL
December 31st 2012


72280 Comments


dude honestly i heard rising force like once and it was too cheesy for me but you never know these days!



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