Review Summary: wiL Francis: The Condensed Version
I’d like to take this opportunity to apologize to the rest of my music collection. For all that my favourite bands have done for me over the years, I feel like I’ve slapped them all in the face by placing them in the same group as William Control. While his stay in my list of artists lasted a few short hours, the fact that he was there at all is a damn shame. For those that do not know, William Control is the side project of wiL Francis from
Aiden, recognized worldwide as being one of the most atrocious bands ever assembled. Somewhere along the line, wiL decided that he needed to make more terrible music by himself, so he set out on a great ambitious conquest to fellate Depeche Mode as much as possible. Those ambitions have somehow sunk to a new low on his latest EP,
Novus Ordo Seclorum (Latin for “New Order of the Ages.”) 2008’s
Hate Culture was an abomination, but this has somehow managed to match it. Listen at your own peril.
Good old wiL has always delivered some of the most unintentionally hilarious cover arts of all time, and this time around is no exception. wiL is staring at his crotch like he can’t quite remember the last time he saw his cock invert. It might have been during the creation of the opening track, “New World Order”. I don’t understand who the “we” he keeps referring to in the song is referencing. Last I checked, the only fans he has are fifteen-year old overweight goth girls who wear frog hats and eat Pizza Pops. Is his plan to fill the world with more of them? I f*cking hope not. “How long can a generation lose?” I’d say about as long as you are still making music, wiL.
It doesn’t get any better from there, either. wiL continues to mix terrible dark-pop synths with retarded lyrics and expects to come out with something that isn’t the musical equivalent of diving headfirst into a refrigerator door. Lines like "He told me to close my eyes, my gift would be a great surprise" aren't helping to convince me of you being a ladies' man, wiL. The female rape sound effects are such a nice touch, as well. Why is he trying to persuade me into believing that someone’s actually enjoying his micropenis? “Call me your master, I call you my whore.” You’re singing about a whore pretending to enjoy being raped by a toothpick? That not only makes you a horrendous musician, wiL, but that also makes you a liar. I can’t wait until he ends the charade and makes an album called “Just Kidding Guys: The wiL Francis Story”. Maybe by then he’ll have stopped using FruityLoops to make his four bar masterpiece beats. Some of the breaks are so off time it’s actually sad. I have to admit that I shed a few tears for electronic music everywhere.
This EP is horrible, even for wiL’s lofty standards. He apparently wants everyone to know how much talent it takes to visit an adult site and gather various quotes of people having sex with other people that aren’t him. I’d say that he’s doing a better job of raping our ears than raping anything else. I don’t know what kind of f*cked up stuff wiL is into, so he might actually enjoy the thought of aural rape. Perhaps he’ll write a song about it on his next album, and plug in clips of people screaming in horror as his tracks play in the background. It would make for some sweet avant-garde material.
